I’m leaving to go to Reno for the weekend, so I’m not writing a lot tonight — per usual, I have procrastinated packing until the very last minute — but I did get the chance to go to a reading by Joe Hill (Heart-Shaped Box, Horns, 20th Century Ghosts) this evening, and I had a really good time.
Things I Learned From a Joe Hill Reading
1. If you man up and actually get your book signed, instead of slinking away to the cash register where you don’t have to make eye contact with famous authors, you can get little cartoon drawings of adorable vampires near your (correctly spelled) name. I am very pleased with this outcome and now expect any and all attempts of ballsiness on my part to be met with tiny, adorable vampires.
2. Joe Hill is a pretty funny guy. If you have the opportunity, I’d highly recommend going to one of his readings. He had a very easy, friendly manner with the crowd, a skill which I deeply envy and would steal from him with no remorse at all if I had some kind of magical straw that allowed me to suck away the confidence — or at least the ability to convincingly feign confidence — from his brain. (Hm, but where would I put that straw? On second thought, let’s just go with a magical ring or something equally traditional and less creepy. “Mr. Hill, I thought Heart-Shaped Box was stunningly original. Would you mind if treated your gray matter like Yoo-Hoo?”)
3. Joe Hill’s reason for not taking Lovecraft seriously? Best. Thing. Ever.
4. Joe Hill writes a thousand words a day every day.
5. I am a failure.
But, you know, whatevs. I’ve got a cool book now with a little cartoon vampire inside. (I’ve decided to name him Sparky. Fear him, for he is two-dimensional and the bringer OF YOUR DOOM.)
(Sorry. This is not actually a Grosse Point Blank review. Although, clearly, that movie’s awesome.)
Here’s the thing: I can actually legitimately say I’m a professional writer. I certainly don’t have many sales — very, very few, in fact — but nevertheless, I do have them, and I’m working on selling more. Writing is not something I just decided to do on the spur of the moment — it’s, well, a lifelong dream, really. Getting into Clarion West last year was a huge deal for me, and I’m incredibly grateful for getting the opportunity to go.
So, I have to post this — even though it’s been online for years now – because I swear this exact same scenario just happened to me the other day.
Okay, it wasn’t the exact same. For starters, I’m not a bear. Also, I’m not confrontational by nature, so when a guy who — as far as I could tell — has never shown the slightest interest in writing a book before had suddenly decided that he was just going to easily write two without any training or education at all, well, I kept my mouth shut. But I certainly thought a lot of these things. Especially at the spelling section. Oh, the spelling section.
When I talk to people in the writing community, I don’t feel so stupid saying, “Hey, I’m a writer.” But when I talk to people outside of the writing community, like, almost anyone I work with, I feel dumb about it because, to those people, I know a writer really means someone who sells novels, not just the occasional short story or flash fiction. And I get it because, for a long time, that’s what it meant to me too, and I do want to get to novels someday, honest.
But I am professional writer. Fledgling, to be sure, but a writer all the same, and there is something more than a little irksome about hearing people say, “Oh, how hard could it be, writing a book? I could do that. Anybody could do that.” And I’m like, Well thanks, buddy, for shitting on all my lifelong aspirations. Nice to know how little work you think this is — how about I take apart YOUR career now and blithely inform you that anyone can easily do it?
The takeaway, I suppose, is just to ignore such people and have confidence in myself. Oh, self-confidence. Will you never not be my cursed enemy? (Double negatives are the best. Shakespeare used double negatives. I’m totally bringing them back.) I should wake up every morning, look at myself in the mirror, and say, “You are an articulate, intelligent, professional author.” You know, if I was the kind of person who believed in mantras, or who managed more than inarticulate vowel sounds for the first half hour after consciousness.
Maybe my mantra — like much of my writing — should be laced with gratuitous profanity. I can easily get behind profanity at ass o’clock in the morning. Something like, “You are a fucking awesome writer, yo,” or “I will be the best motherfucking speculative writer since Shakespeare and Macbeth, bitches!” (Don’t ask my Shakespeare kick today. I can’t explain these things.)
Anyone have any profanity-laced mantras of their own? I’d love to hear them.
So, one day I’m playing around on IMDb — as I am wont to do — and I come across this movie called Unknown. Not the 2011 movie with Liam Neeson and January Jones, (I’d rather scrub toilets with someone’s dirty gym socks in my mouth than watch that), but a little movie in 2006 about these five guys who wake up in a locked warehouse with no memory of who they are or what the hell they’re doing there.
It’s definitely my kind of movie — especially with the attached cast — so I look it up on Netflix and suggest to Mek that we rent it.
Mek: “Wait . . . didn’t we already watch that, a long time ago?”
And I’m like, “. . . shit, I think maybe we did.”
I present Unknown . . . the movie about amnesia that I completely forgot.
It’s official. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is coming to ABC next fall.
I kind of feel like bringing Coulson back takes away just a little from The Avengers . . . but I’ve decided to get over it. I like Coulson, more now than ever — thanks, primarily, to fanfiction — and I’m excited to see Clark Gregg star in a show.
I’m still not sure if I’m going to watch this or not. Since I only read it for the first time last year, I’m curious to see how they adapt it, yet I’m not, like, emotionally tied to it. If they change a whole bunch of stuff, my little nostalgic geek heart won’t be broken. And the trailer . . . it’s just not really doing all that much for me. That doesn’t mean it’ll be bad, of course, just that I’ve watched it a couple of times now and have been like, “Meh.” Also, there’s the ongoing, Do I want to in any way financially support Orson Scott Card debate. I usually do my best to separate an artist’s creative work from their personal views, but I’ll admit, with Mr. Card it seems a little tricky.
Violet & Daisy
I . . . am not quite sure what to make of this trailer yet. It starts, and I’m like, okay, Rory Gilmore and Hanna are assassins who are hired to kill Tony Soprano, neat, but then . . . the tone of the trailer switches, and I’m just not sure where the film’s going at all. But I’m intrigued. The visuals in this movie looks gorgeous, and as a bonus, Marianne Jean-Baptiste and Danny Trejo! I could try this one out.
Gravity
I’m probably one of the only people on the planet who wasn’t blown away by Children of Men, but this trailer for Alfonso Cuaron’s new movie . . . holy shitballs, it looks intense. It also looks like material for a shorter film, so I’m curious to see how this will play out over the course of two hours. I’m not sure it’s the kind of movie I run to theaters to see, but I’m interested, regardless. (And I’m kind of hopeful for Sandra Bullock. I like her. I wish she was in more stuff I actually cared about.)
Girl Most Likely
I’d like to say I’m interested in this — I tend to be drawn to these dysfunctional family, mental breakdown comedies — but I just didn’t really connect to this trailer at all. I’m not quite sure why. All the jokes just felt . . . old. Although on the upside, Darren Criss actually looks attractive to me, and — back during the days I actually used to watch Glee – I never understood why everyone was so obsessed with him. But that’s really not enough for me to watch this movie.
And finally . . . The World’s End
I couldn’t find a trailer I could steal, so I link you here to one of 2013′s many apocalyptic comedies. Although this one is done by Edgar Wright and stars Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, Eddie Marsan, and Rosamund Pike, so, you know. It’s probably worth watching.
