All right, folks. Here are your movies:
1. “Oh Jesus. Don’t do that, honey. You don’t want to see Mommy lying in a cigar box covered in licorice.”
The one horror movie that didn’t scare me as a child, even though it’s ten times more frightening than the movies that did scare me as a child. I suspect I overlooked the uber creepy parts and focused instead on the idea of being sucked into a television. I suspect I would have enjoyed that. Still might, being honest.
2. “Said Simple Simon to the pieman going to the fair: ‘Give me your pies . . . or I’ll cave your head in.’”
Die Hard 3: Die Hard with a Vengeance
Despite it’s stupid name—well, all the names are pretty stupid—Die Hard with a Vengeance is actually a pretty decent sequel. Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson clearly make for a good pairing (they’ve been in three movies together, I think, although admittedly, they don’t share any scenes in Pulp Fiction) and Jeremy Irons is really a pretty spectacular villain. That voice, God. If I could get him and Alan Rickman to play a pair of evil mastermind siblings in the same movie, I would be a very happy woman.
3. “Evildoers are easier, and they taste better.”
Interview with the Vampire
Tom Cruise seemed like a very strange choice for Lestat, but he’s surprisingly kind of awesome, and it is easily my favorite role of his to date. (I still don’t like Antonio Banderas, though. It’s hard to imagine an Armand who could have been further from his book counterpart, and it’s decidedly not an improvement.)
4. “It’s not right for a woman to read. Soon she starts getting ideas and thinking.”
Beauty and the Beast
Oh, Gaston. You kind of have to like Gaston.
It’s funny. Even as a kid, I apparently had a thing for voices. When the Beast changes back into the prince at the end of this movie, I was completely disappointed because in addition to his new orange hair and glowy toes, he now had a new voice which was far less deep and impressive as his Beast voice. It seemed like watching a whole new character to me, and I was very underwhelmed by this development.
5. “That was the end of Grogon, the man who killed my father, raped and murdered my sisters, burned my ranch, shot my dog, and stole my Bible!”
Romancing the Stone
God, I love that line. I love this movie, actually. This is one of those films I grew up on (we’re about to hit a whole slew of those, actually) and talk about sexy voices, damn. Kathleen Turner? I would kill for that voice. Michael Douglas is also charming as hell here. I wish he had played more lovable rogues because while many try, not everyone can pull it off.
6. “You kidnapped me with a candy bar?”
This is the ultimate guilty pleasure movie, a completely ridiculous action movie that I picked up in childhood. What we have here is Pre-Insanity Charlie Sheen, Kristy Swanson in a floppy hat, Jerk Cop Henry Rollins, Smarmy News Anchor Cary Elwes, Mean Guy Ray Wise, and the most spectacularly unrealistic sex-while-driving scene ever caught on camera. Oh, and dead bodies rolling around the freeway. And a Red Hot Chili Peppers cameo. Good times.
7. “I know that guy. That is a bad guy. Can we go please?”
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Continuing our childhood guilty pleasures starring Kristy Swanson . . . I love Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. I actually almost picked one of the basketball coach’s lines (he has so many hilarious ones, like “Hey, you missed practice again! I think you better sit down and think how that made me feel!”) but I had to go with Pike. I love a man who recognizes danger and then chooses to run away.
8. “Either he’s alive or he’s dead, or the cops got him or they don’t.”
Ah, Quentin Tarantino’s first movie, the film that taught us that you and your friends aren’t the only ones who talk about stupid shit like the true meaning of “Like a Virgin” over breakfast. Hard core diamond thieves do it too!
This is an awesome movie. Mr. Pink is easily my favorite character, but Mr. Blonde is lovably psychotic as well. How can I love Michael Madsen here so much and just cringe every time he opens his mouth in Sin City?
9. “Oh my God! That’s my mom’s most favorite piece!”
And right back to childhood nostalgia we go. Sadly, I’m not sure that The Goonies holds up quite as well when you’re an adult (although I’ll have to do that review some time) but I still kind of love it. Mouth and Data are my favorites. Well, they’re everyone’s favorites, aren’t they? Data actually gets my favorite bit of dialogue in this movie (“Data’s quite tired of falling and Data’s tired of skeletons . . . Use the stairs! Stairs! The stupid guys tell me to use the stairs when Data is falling!”) but since he actually names himself in it, I figured it wouldn’t exactly be much of a challenge.
And finally . . .
10. “Right. She’s a reincarnated princess, and I’m a warrior for God.”
The Mummy Returns
This movie may be silly. The technicalities of reincarnation may be murky. And yes, characters may actually try to outrace sunlight . . . but I don’t care. In fact, this might be the last film I really enjoyed Brendan Fraser in. What the hell happened to his career? Did the same Disney fairy who snatched The Rock’s soul fly in and pocket his as well? This saddens me, greatly.