Tag Archives: Incompetent Cops

“Pain Don’t Hurt.”

Posted on April 17, 2013 by

I’m already behind on my westerns . . . fail . . . but I’ll have to continue ignoring them for just a little bit longer because Road House popped up on TV the other day, and I’d somehow gone … Continue reading →

Posted in SLIGHTLY LESS EPIC REVIEWS | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

“Kiss Me, Fat Boy!”

Posted on March 29, 2013 by

Back for more Scary Clown action? Here it is . . . the rest of It!

Posted in EPIC REVIEWS | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

“I Am The Eater of Worlds . . . And of Children!”

Posted on March 26, 2013 by

Stephen King adaptations are, historically, not awesome. For every Stand by Me or The Shawshank Redemption, there is a Needful Things – or a Dreamcatcher – or a Children of the Corn – or a Lawnmower Man – or a Maximum Overdrive – or a Tommyknockers – or, hell, even a Haven. Which, hey, could be good, … Continue reading →

Posted in SLIGHTLY LESS EPIC REVIEWS | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

“The Murderer is Right in This Room, Sitting at This Table. You May Serve the Fish.”

Posted on March 21, 2013 by

I love writing my excessively wordy reviews, but sometimes they are a bit draining because — unfortunately — I’m not a particularly fast writer, and 3,000 words of snarky analysis actually does take me a while. So I think I … Continue reading →

Posted in BABY REVIEWS | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

“PUNISH!”

Posted on December 12, 2012 by

Sometimes, I regret not having grown up in the 1950′s and 60′s when impressionable young children could ride their bicycles down to the local theater and see a double feature of cheap grindhouse and bad monster movies. (Everything I know about … Continue reading →

Posted in EPIC REVIEWS | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

“Mind Your Business! I Shall Be Eaten by Whomever I Please!”

Posted on October 29, 2012 by

So I made this horror movie challenge for myself at the beginning of the year, and I can already tell you that I’m going to fail it. Abysmally. We’ll talk about punishment come December, but for now, let’s get to … Continue reading →

Posted in SLIGHTLY LESS EPIC REVIEWS | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

“Copy, Dispatch. Send . . . More . . . Paramedics.”

Posted on August 23, 2012 by

As many of my friends could tell you, I’m a bit of a zombie enthusiast. Yet, sadly, I developed my love for zombies late in life (like, in my late teens/early twenties) and am thus still catching up on many … Continue reading →

Posted in SLIGHTLY LESS EPIC REVIEWS | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“Well, Here, Lads. You’ve Discovered a Species Hitherto Unknown to Science, Quite Possibly Non-Terrestial in Origin, and You Kicked It’s Fuckin’ Head In.”

Posted on May 25, 2012 by

Taking a brief break from superhero movies—I realize the last six films I’ve reviewed have been The Incredible Hulk, The Avengers, and Batman through Batman & Robin—I thought I might try something a little bit different. I don’t know if it’s my favorite alien … Continue reading →

Posted in SLIGHTLY LESS EPIC REVIEWS | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

“Well, I Can Respect Your Opinion. Sadly, I’m Not Good at Rejection. I’m Afraid You’ll Have to Die.”

Posted on May 24, 2012 by

The worst thing about not being a professional movie critic is that it doesn’t matter how much time you spend working a review—you could write your little heart and soul out, bleed yourself dry, and you’re still not getting paid. … Continue reading →

Posted in EPIC REVIEWS | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

“I’M Batman!”

Posted on May 20, 2012 by

Well, Tim Burton had a vision of Gotham, and it was dark and gothic. Joel Schumacher, on the other hand? He saw it as a bit more colorful than that.

Posted in BLASPHEMIES, EPIC REVIEWS | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments