It’s my very first entry in this blog, so I think it’s only appropriate to start with one of The Ultimate Geek Blasphemies out there, the kind of thing that, if uttered out loud, might cause Star Wars fans from around the globe to converge upon you en masse and bludgeon you to death with their plastic, K-Mart lightsabers. (Don’t think I’m hating on the plastic lightsabers, by the way. I kind of want one myself for Christmas. I specialize in the geeky and impractical.) Anyway, here goes Blasphemy Numero Uno:
Boba Fett is kinda lame.
Seriously, I do not understand the mad crazy Boba Fett love out there. I mean, I’m a pretty big Star Wars nerd—I’ve written prose poetry about Princess Leia and feminism. You don’t get much nerdier than that. But still, what has Boba Fett ever done to make fanboys across the world adore him in true idol fashion? He says maybe seven things, has probably twelve minutes of screen time in the entire original trilogy (I’m going to actually count one of these days), and doesn’t really do anything more badass than get himself eaten, right? Actually, the most badass thing that Boba Fett does is just something Darth Vader implies: in Empire Strikes Back, Vader tells Fett, “No disintegrations,” all, I’m watching you, Fett . . . you little psycho. But doesn’t that speak more to James Earl Jones’s vocal talents rather than to Fett’s kickass nature? You know, that whole “show, don’t tell” thing you get in every fundamentals of creative writing class? Let me see Boba Fett disintegrate someone, or at least get into a decent bitchfight with Han . . . don’t just tell me he’s awesome and expect me to go along with it, cause, honestly? I think the Ewoks kicked more ass than Boba ever did.
I should point out (another potential blasphemy) that I haven’t seen Revenge of the Sith yet (after watching Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen spew the worst romantic dialogue I’ve heard this side of Twilight for two hours, I think my mind broke a little, and I haven’t had the courage to go back) so if little Boba grew up and started killing people left and right . . . well, I guess that would be something, and I’d be a mollified a little. Then again, Boba’s been this huge, cult favorite long before Episodes 1-3, so that really wouldn’t explain anything at all.
I’m just saying, when I grow up? I want to be Han Solo, and you should too.