Smell The Veggie Burgers!

Go is the film that first introduced me to Timothy Olyphant.

I will always be grateful.


I don’t feel like giving you a real summary. Let’s just leave it at this: drugs, grocery stores, strippers, cops, actors, raves, Vegas vacations, and fluffy gray cats that predict death.

Seriously. It’s an awesome movie.


1. The script. I love this script. Some favorite bits:

Claire: “Gay men are so hot. It’s tragic.”

Zack: “She’s not dead! She’s acting dead! This is just a scene!  . . . The craft service truck is right around the corner, and they’re making those veggie burgers you love. You can have as many as you want. You just have to help me get through the scene. Just help me get through the scene, Adam. Smell em. Smell em. Smell the veggie burgers. Can you smell em?”
Adam: “I am not delusional, Zack!”
Zack: “Well, then grab her fucking arms!”

Todd: “And then there’s the Family Fucking Circus, bottom right hand corner, just waiting to suck, and that’s the last thing you read, so . . . it spoils everything you read before it.”

Tiny: “Yo, I told you, my mother’s mother’s mother was black!”
Marcus: “Your’s mother’s mother’s mother . . . this ain’t Roots, motherf . . . I wanna see a picture of this Nubian princess.”
Tiny: “Man, I don’t carry picture of my mother’s mother’s mother in my wallet!”
Marcus: “If you were any less black, you would be clear!”
Tiny: “That bitch was black as night!

(after Simon and Singh get them to calm down and shut up)

Tiny: “I see black because I know I am. You see, color is a state of mind, Marcus.”
Marcus: “You know what, you’re right. Thank you, Rhythm Nation.”
Tiny: “Fuck you, Vanilla Ice.”

2. Pretty much all of the acting is good here, and yes, that includes Katie Holmes. If I had to pick some standouts, though . . .

Sarah Polley

If only because she makes Ronna—who’s kind of a bitch— totally watchable. Actually, a lesser actress would likely have made Ronna whiny and irritating. Sarah Polley fleshes her out, makes her tough and enterprising and, most importantly, believable. That’s kind of a big deal for a lead.

Scott Wolf and Jay Mohr

Man, these guys have awesome chemistry together, and they’re funny as hell. I would totally watch an Adam and Zack spinoff show.

William Fichtner

This is the first role I remember seeing William Fichtner in, long before his tortured, crazy badass in Prison Break and his surprisingly awesome badass in The Dark Knight. Fichtner is not badass in Go. Fichtner is creepy. MASSIVELY creepy.

Run away, Adam and Zack! Run away!

And, of course . . .

Timothy Olyphant

Even the not-so-great sideburns can’t detract from Timothy Olyphant’s hotness. He’s perfect as Todd Gaines, funny and sexy and dangerous. Oh, how I swoon.

3. I really don’t have anything bad to say about this movie. I’m not sure how much I have to say at all, actually. I can talk about my favorite parts over and over, but that would require a spoiler section that I don’t feel like making and, anyway, I would probably just end up repeating things like, “That’s awesome!” and “Hey, that right there? Awesome.” So, instead, I will leave you with a few of the things that Go has taught me over the years.

1. You don’t have to actually study Tantra to become a practitioner. Hearing a man talk about it for five minutes will enable to you to have the most amazing sex of your life without any problem.

2. A bad Irish accent is more likely to attract drunk, hot, American woman than your own natural English accent.

3. I am in no danger of accidentally getting a private lap dance at the Crazyhorse. I hate champagne. I would never order it.

4. Kids are ruthless bastards and shouldn’t be crossed.

5. Drugs make you hallucinate in subtitles. I think I’ll stick to my sugar highs, thanks.

Grade: A

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