The Creation of the Monday Morning Blasphemous Poll

I love the original Star Wars trilogy. I do. I don’t do tech specs—I barely understand the mechanics of my twenty-year old VCR, much less fictional, futuristic starships and their battle and hyperdrive capabilities—but I do enjoy the hell out of the Star Wars movies. Darth Vader is awesome, Han Solo’s a God, and I, for one, can endlessly argue about some of the bullshit that goes along with being a Jedi. I don’t do tech, but I can geekspeak about philosophy and feminism in the Star Wars universe for hours on end, so yeah, I consider myself a true blue Star Wars nerd.

That being said, one of my more cinematically blasphemous daydreams is about a remake of the original Star Wars trilogy.

Now, before you come at me with your pitchforks and your blasters, I should mention that I’m not sure I even want to see such a remake, not really. I mean, thinking about it is one thing, but if it actually happened . . . I’m picturing all kinds of disaster scenarios here. Robert Pattinson as Luke. Keanu Reeves as Han. CGI Monstrosity as Chewy. The list goes on. But in the corner of my brain where I contemplate what could happen in an amazing remake of Star Wars . . . there’s a lot that I would like to see updated or changed. (Which, by the way, was the original inspiration behind the Squick Kiss question I asked last week. Congratulations, purists. You won the day. Luke and Leia will continue with the smoochies.)

Say what now?

I’m already planning out a long, convoluted list of things that I would alter in the Star Wars universe if I could. But while I’m working on that, I thought I’d institute something new on my blog: The Monday Morning Blasphemous Poll.

Now, be warned: The Monday Morning Blasphemous Poll might not always be blasphemous. It might not happen every Monday. And morning is really a subjective term when you work graveyards, so for everyone else, the less alliterative Monday Afternoon Blasphemous Poll is probably a more accurate description. (Although not if you live outside of the Pacific Coast Timezone. Then who the hell knows what you would call this.) But it will be a poll, and it will be up. (Until I get bored of it, and it quietly goes away somewhere, never to be heard from again.)

So, with a focus on Star Wars (because that’s just where my head’s at right now) here is the very first official MMB Poll:

You’re welcome to comment with other casting ideas, but those won’t be counted in the official poll. And, yes, if you must, go ahead and comment that NO ONE can replace Han Solo . . . but since this is just idle speculation, know that I’m going to think your moral outrage is more than a little silly.

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7 Responses to The Creation of the Monday Morning Blasphemous Poll

  1. Brandon says:

    Fillion.

    I mean, let’s be honest here, he pretty much already PLAYED Han Solo 2.0 and he’s got the natural charisma for it. My concern would be that he’s actually starting to get up there, age-wise, himself. If Re-Boot Solo is perhaps given an age-bump then we’re gold.

  2. danebenko says:

    Hugh Jackman can do the roguish good looks, and turn down the cheese just enough to do an actually brilliant, surprising reappraisal of the character. People would be outraged at first–‘THAT’S NOT HAN SOLO!’ but two, three years down the line, that’s when they start saying out of the corner of their mouths, “Yeah I pretty much preferred his take.”

    –PolarisDiB

  3. emeraldus says:

    Though I would automatically vote for Timothy Olyphant in just about ANYTHING, personality wise I think Ryan Reynolds fits the Han Solo character best. Cocky, arrogant, smartass…he’s played this type of character a number of times. As much as I enjoyed Harrison Ford in the movies, he wasn’t the best of actors at that time.

  4. Fatpie42 says:

    Fillion, obviously.

    (Ryan Reynolds? What the hell has he done that is actually any good? “Buried” and…. um…)

    What I think you should ask next is who should direct a remake, if they made one. Heck, include George Lucas for the hell of it, but I think we all know that would be a mistake. Other options could include (give examples of their movies in the actual poll):
    Quentin Tarantino, David Lynch, Darren Aronofsky, Terry Gilliam, Tim Burton, Steven Spielberg, Duncan Jones, Edgar Wright, Christopher Smith, Matthew Vaughn, Ridley Scott, The Coen Brothers, The Wachowski Brothers, James Cameron, Joss Whedon, Alejandro Amenabar, Christopher Nolan, Guillermo Del Toro, Zack Snyder, Peter Jackson.

    Hehe, I don’t know who’d be victorious. Considering the amount of choice, it might be necessary to have a series of head-to-head’s to decide this one…

    • I already have tomorrow’s poll set up, but I like your question. I’ll probably use it next week—although I’m going to shorten the list considerably. I regretted having ten nominees for Han almost immediately, and I don’t want to do a series of head-to-heads. But I’m excited to see who people pick when they’re stuck with the choices I’ve given them : )

  5. Teacups says:

    Count another vote for Captain Mal here. And heh, poor voteless Colin Ferrell and Chris Evans – although I wouldn’t want either of them as Han Solo either, so.

    Damn, Fatpie42, there are a lot of good choices on that list, and some that I’d want to see just out of curiousity – I think David Lynch’s version of Star Wars would be very interesting – and then a couple I would just hate. But uh, since I’m not the biggest fan of Star Wars anyway (it’s not bad, just not my thing… I’d appreciate it if y’all can refrain from throwing rotten vegetables and sending Wookies after me) I guess it wouldn’t matter too much.

    • Fatpie42 says:

      and then a couple I would just hate

      Yeah, I didn’t always pick them because I thought they would do a good job. I was mainly trying to name directors who I think have a fairly distinctive style. I personally can’t stand Tim Burton, but imagining what Star Wars would look like if he directed it is quite amusing.

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