I love the original Star Wars trilogy. I do. I don’t do tech specs—I barely understand the mechanics of my twenty-year old VCR, much less fictional, futuristic starships and their battle and hyperdrive capabilities—but I do enjoy the hell out of the Star Wars movies. Darth Vader is awesome, Han Solo’s a God, and I, for one, can endlessly argue about some of the bullshit that goes along with being a Jedi. I don’t do tech, but I can geekspeak about philosophy and feminism in the Star Wars universe for hours on end, so yeah, I consider myself a true blue Star Wars nerd.
That being said, one of my more cinematically blasphemous daydreams is about a remake of the original Star Wars trilogy.
Now, before you come at me with your pitchforks and your blasters, I should mention that I’m not sure I even want to see such a remake, not really. I mean, thinking about it is one thing, but if it actually happened . . . I’m picturing all kinds of disaster scenarios here. Robert Pattinson as Luke. Keanu Reeves as Han. CGI Monstrosity as Chewy. The list goes on. But in the corner of my brain where I contemplate what could happen in an amazing remake of Star Wars . . . there’s a lot that I would like to see updated or changed. (Which, by the way, was the original inspiration behind the Squick Kiss question I asked last week. Congratulations, purists. You won the day. Luke and Leia will continue with the smoochies.)
I’m already planning out a long, convoluted list of things that I would alter in the Star Wars universe if I could. But while I’m working on that, I thought I’d institute something new on my blog: The Monday Morning Blasphemous Poll.
Now, be warned: The Monday Morning Blasphemous Poll might not always be blasphemous. It might not happen every Monday. And morning is really a subjective term when you work graveyards, so for everyone else, the less alliterative Monday Afternoon Blasphemous Poll is probably a more accurate description. (Although not if you live outside of the Pacific Coast Timezone. Then who the hell knows what you would call this.) But it will be a poll, and it will be up. (Until I get bored of it, and it quietly goes away somewhere, never to be heard from again.)
So, with a focus on Star Wars (because that’s just where my head’s at right now) here is the very first official MMB Poll:
You’re welcome to comment with other casting ideas, but those won’t be counted in the official poll. And, yes, if you must, go ahead and comment that NO ONE can replace Han Solo . . . but since this is just idle speculation, know that I’m going to think your moral outrage is more than a little silly.