Computers May be Our Overlords, But Sometimes, They Just Suck.

It’s almost impressive, how many examples of truly horrific CGI are out there, floating in the cinematic cosmos. Of the eight I listed last week (and there are so many more to choose from) your absolute worst moment of CGI is . . .

The Rock as The Scorpion King in The Mummy Returns.

Admittedly, this is the oldest example of CGI on the list, but even for 2001, this seems pretty sad.

Neo versus the many Mr. Smiths in The Matrix Reloaded came in for a very, very close second place. I had actually forgotten how bad this was until I rewatched the scene on youtube.

It doesn’t start so awful, you see . . . and then Neo’s flying around with the pole, and it’s like, oh. OH, that’s not good.

Third place goes to Wolverine’s shiny CGI claws of doom from X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I very much remember watching this movie in theater, thinking, What in the holy FUCK did they do to Wolverine’s claws? They didn’t use to look like that, right? I mean, seriously, right? As a side note, I find it amusing that so many of these examples of bad CGI come from sequels. Why do you think that is?

Every nominee on this list got some love (or, in this case, total disdain) except for the cats in Let the Right One In. I won’t argue that these cats are the worst case of CGI on this list because they’re definitely not, but I still despise the use of them in what is otherwise a very elegant and intelligent horror film. For my money, I’m honestly not sure what I would have picked as the absolute worst. Possibly the gopher, if only because it was so utterly needless.

In conclusion, what can we take from all this?

CGI sucks. It massively, massively sucks.

4 thoughts on “Computers May be Our Overlords, But Sometimes, They Just Suck.

  1. hahaha. Neo and the pole…that makes my day. how awful was that scene?? i’ve argued many times that the poor CGI, maybe it was the best they could do at that time?, is one of the reasons i do not like the Matrix movies, and people always act like i’m insane: “that movie has AMAZING special effects” is something like the responses. I will copy this clip and email it to everybody i know as proof.

    • I do like the first movie a lot. I loved seeing it in the theater—I think I was about 12 or 13, and it seemed like such a gamechanger or something.

      But Reloaded was disappointing (on so many levels), and I heard so much crap about Revolutions that I’ve never gotten around to watching it. And after I found out what happened . . . yeah, I just pretend there’s only one and move on.

      • In my opinion even the first one wasn’t very good. At the beginning, when Trinity jumps in the air, hangs there for a second, and then starts kicking the dude across the room I laughed out loud. Looking at it from today’s perspective that scene is on par with the CGI cats in Let The Right One In. The rest of it had its moments and overall I liked it, but it was still way too actiony for my taste. I prefer something a little more thoughtful.

  2. The Matrix movies would still have sucked even if the special effects had been good. A more cerebral story probably wouldn’t have made very much money though.

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