Coming Soon-Ish: Shitty Vampires, Ass Kicking, and Young Hannibal Lecter. Again.

Lets begin with some whathefuckery.

Dark Shadows

I like guilty pleasures, I like vampires, and I like Johnny Depp. So, yeah, I was all into the idea of remaking this supernatural soap from the 60’s into a Tim Burton movie.

But then I saw this . . .

And . . . Oh. My. God.

I’m a little depressed now.

The Raid

Ah, this cheers me up. The Raid is an Indonesian action film, and the trailer kicks ass. If you’re actually interested in the basic plot: a special forces team raids an apartment building where a whole bunch of bad guys live. I guess the whole raid is supposed to be kind of covert? Well, clearly, that doesn’t quite work out. The Evil Drug Lord lets the cat out of the bag when he announces that there are cops over the PA system, and then it’s just a big ass battle to survive.

Awesome.

Star Trek II

More good news, at least for us Trekkies. J.J. Abrams is officially set to direct the sequel, and the script might actually really be done by the end of the month this time. All the writers from the first film are back on board, and we could be seeing this movie in 2013.

Please please please please please please please . . .

Hannibal Lecter the TV SHOW

Yup. This is actually happening. A TV show about the early days before Lecter was caught.

*sighs*

Peep World

Okay, so this movie came out last year. But I just saw a preview for it on a DVD I rented, and it was listed as a “coming soon” then, so . . .  it counts. Because it’s my blog, and I want it to count.

I’m posting the trailer here because I posted the trailer for Grave of the Fireflies a couple of weeks ago, and they have some basic similarities (namely, an already dysfunctional family breaking down into a chaos because of one kid’s upcoming memoirs). Of course, this one is a comedy and also doesn’t look like a schmaltzy suckfest, so this is the one I’m more interested in watching. Especially considering that cast: Judy Greer, Michael C. Hall, Rainn Wilson, Ron Rifkin, Taraji P. Henson, Sarah Silverman, Lesley Ann Warren, and Stephen Tobolowsky.

Unfortunately, I just realized that the narrator is apparently Lewis Black.

Well . . . shit. Maybe he only narrates a very little.

Finally, a piece of remake news to incite fury . . .

Point Break

This may be the best bromance picture I have ever seen.

There’s not a lot of info about the remake at this point, just that there are plans to make it happen. I’ve never even seen the original (blasphemy!) so I don’t really care. But I’m sure there are many Johnny Utah fans out there who are just stewing with rage.

My advice? S’more Pop Tarts. They’re so yummy, you have to feel better.

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