Coming Soon-Ish: Undead Cops, Bike Messengers, and Crazy Men Randomly Buying Zoos . . .

Premium Rush

I’ll be honest: I probably wouldn’t be so interested in this movie if it wasn’t starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt. But it is starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, so . . . to hell with it. It looks kind of fun. I’m a little concerned that the girlfriend/love interest is being played by Maya from Heroes, but maybe she’ll be less annoying here, and Aasif Mandvi? Hells to the yes.

J. Edgar

Poor Leonardo DiCaprio. I always get the impression that he wants to be a vocal chameleon, and it just never quite works out for him. Which is okay . . . you can be a great actor and still have a distinctive voice . . . but he’s clearly trying to throw his voice here, just, you know, not far enough.

Despite the impressive cast, I can’t quite work up the interest in this movie. Maybe it’s lines like, “All the admiration in the world can’t fill the spot where love goes.” Ugh. Even Jeffrey Donovan as Robert Kennedy isn’t quite enough to hook me. J. Edgar Hoover is just not a man I’m interested in seeing a biopic about, sorry.

R.I.P.D.

Apparently, Robert Knepper (T-Bag!) has apparently joined the cast of R.I.P.D. The movie isn’t scheduled to come out until 2013 (hence the ‘ish’ part of Coming Soon-Ish) but I’m kind of excited, anyway. It’s about a cop—recently murdered—who comes back to life and joins a department of undead police officers. The cast already includes Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Bacon, Mary Louise Parker, and Mike O’Malley.

Admittedly, it’s early days, but I’m really hoping this one turns out to be good. I’m all for zombie police officers, and I’d really like Ryan Reynolds to star in a comic book movie that’s actually worthy of him. This could be the one. Or, hey, maybe Deadpool.

We Bought A Zoo

Admittedly, I love me a good, literal title, but . . . so . . . inspirational . . . I’m melting . . . MELTING . . .

Seriously, some of the lines in this trailer are so amazingly corny. I mean, at least when Damon says, “I’m trying to give the kids an authentic, American experience,” Thomas Hayden Church comes back with, “Stop before zebras get involved.” But there’s no excuse for lines such as, “I like the animals, but I love the humans.”

And then, as music swells, there’s this little exchange:

Matt Damon: “If you stick with me, I will give this everything.”
Scarlett Johansson: “Well, that’s good enough for me.”

Cause, do you get it, kids? All you need is heart! Heart! Money is inconsequential when you’re the single father of two children. And running a zoo, bitch, please. You’re not going to need money for that, or a background in animal sciences, for that matter, or even previous job experience in a pet store. Cause, apparently, “You don’t even need any special knowledge to run a zoo. What you need is a lot of heart.”

Excuse me? Are you out of your MIND?

Matt Damon, I like you and all, but I kind of hope this movie ends with the tiger eating you.

Finally . . .

The Awakening

Oooh. I’m interested.

I said this awhile ago when I posted a trailer for The Woman in Black, but I’m really into old school ghost stories lately. So, yeah, I’m excited for this. I’ve enjoyed Dominic West in a couple of things, and I adore Imelda Staunton.

Just . . . please, please, please don’t let this whole ghost thing be all in her head. Please? I’m so tired of that twist. I don’t want to see that twist for another thirty years.

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