When Psycho Attacks Psycho . . .

WARNING: There is a Pet Sematary spoiler in the first poll ahead. I kind of think it’s common knowledge, honestly, but I’m throwing it out there for you spoilerphobes. If you haven’t seen the movie, know absolutely nothing about the movie, and want to continue knowing absolutely nothing about the movie, best to skip the first poll entirely.

Considering it’s still the best month of the year, I think we should keep the horror movie theme going, don’t you?

(Yes, you do.)

I have a small series of polls for you today. Remember Freddy vs. Jason? Man, that film was a disappointment. I mean, it’s not a horrible movie for a mock-and-watch, but you call a film Freddy vs. Jason, you expect your, er, heroes to actually have some awesome battles. There were very few awesome battles to be had in Freddy vs. Jason.

So I have taken the liberty of creating a few new horror movie villain match-ups.

In a gruesome fight to the death, who would win between . . .

1. Chucky vs. Gage

Maybe you think possessed dolls or undead children aren’t terrifying because you can, pretty effectively, step on them, but there is no such advantage today. Chucky and Gage finally face opponents that are roughly their own size—each other! Who will you choose? The serial killer trapped in a doll’s body, or the little dead boy with a penchant for tendon-sawing?

2. Michael vs. Jason

They may have different origin stories . . . one drowned as a child, one dressed up as a clown and killed his sister . . . but otherwise, these two are very similar in style. Masked, silent, and not much for running, Michael and Jason prefer to quietly stalk their prey for awhile before eventually shoving a very large blade through them. Eventually, of course, some dumb teenager will manage to kill these guys . . . but don’t worry. They’ll still manage to improbably come back for the sequel somehow. Even if they literally go to Hell.

So, who will it be? Which horror movie icon do you think would come out on top?

3. Leatherface’s Family vs. The Firefly Family

The hillbilly family that slays together stays together? Horror movies certainly seem to think so. Leatherface’s family in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies like to eat people. Sometimes, they wear them, too. And then the Firefly family in Rob Zombie’s House of a 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects have a pretty impressive body count too . . . and a psychotic clown on their side? That’s never pretty.

But in a head to head battle, which family prevails?

And finally . . .

4. Eli vs. Claudia

I proposed this battle once before, but I never made it an official poll before. Now, I am. We have two child vampires here, both who are dependent upon adults to survive, both who are vicious killers. Eli from Let the Right One In has no problem getting bloody—Claudia (Interview With The Vampire), on the other hand, prefers things pristine. But Claudia is also treacherous and amoral, and she has no problem at all killing her own kind.

Which vampire will make it to the next sunset?

The polls will be open until October 17th.

4 thoughts on “When Psycho Attacks Psycho . . .

  1. In the original Halloween Michael actually killed his sister, not his babysitter.

    Claudia’s behind Eli? She’d totally own her. And keep her delicate little slippers pristine while doing it.

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