I don’t make just one or two resolutions for the upcoming new year. I make one or two pages full of resolutions for the upcoming new year. I figure it improves my odds of actually being able to cross something off the list.
As such, my movie-related for goal for 2012 is to watch the following 24 horror movies and writing snarky reviews about them here for your reading pleasure.
The List
1. Return of the Living Dead (1985)
2. Last House on the Left (1972)
3. Nosferatu (1922)
4. Zombi 2 (1979)
5. Near Dark
6. Paranormal Activity
7. The Host (2006)
8. Horror of Dracula (1958)
9. Day of the Dead (1985)
10. The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
11. Dog Soldiers
12. The Amityville Horror (1979)
13. Cemetery Man
14. The House of the Devil
15. Ringu
16. Village of the Damned (1960)
17. The Devil’s Rejects
18. Dead Snow
19. Wolf Creek
20. The Abominable Dr. Phibes
21. The Fog (1980)
22. Insidious
23. Suspiria
24. The Serpent and the Rainbow
I may or may not complete the challenge—I can be easily distracted by other shiny new movies—but at least I’ll try. It’s gotta be easier than the requisite “lose 30 pounds,” right? Right?
My Geek Blasphemy 
I want to suggest C Me Dance for the next horror list, but I’m not sure if it’s actually horrific enough to qualify. Satan features heavily in it, but he pretty much just stands around in a trench coat trying to look menacing, until eventually the protagonist speaks bible at him and then calls him a loser. IDK, so here’s the trailer, you can decide.
This . . . this can’t be a real thing, right? This can’t be anything but a low-budget parody. Right?
(Looks it up on IMDb)
Wow. I honestly have no words for this.
I had the same reaction when I first saw the trailer. I had to look up the official website, then the IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes pages before I could believe that it wasn’t just a fake trailer or an intentionally so-bad-it’s-good parody like Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace.
Because it’s a religious movie, they even managed to get it a small theatrical release.
Oh, and there was this one guy who kept showing up in the comments for negative reviews, or blog posts laughing at the trailer, just posting the same comment telling everyone off. Later on I did a little sleuthing and I found out it was the director (/writer/actor/producer) or at least someone claiming to be involved with the movie and pulling out the same bible passage the director had quoted in an interview. That gave me a laugh.
I would recommend getting distracted by Return of the Killer Tomatoes. It’s just so delightfully cheesy, plus it has a early George Clooney.
Another choice for horror: “The Woman”. Latest Lucky McKee movie (director of “May” and some other stuff) and once again including Angela Bettis (who is awesome). I think it’s Lucky’s best film so far.
I’ll have to look it up. I had fairly mixed feelings about The Woods, but I really did like May. And Angela Bettis was great in it.
I didn’t like it as much as May, but I did think it was very good, and it’s a real shame some reviewers and websites (*cough* Pajiba *cough*) are merely dismissing it as thoughtless torture porn in the same vein as Captivity.
It also made me once again question why the hell Angela Bettis seems to have such trouble getting work outside of Lucky McKee’s stuff. There are lots of great obscure actors and actresses and all, but not many that I know of have so many fans and such a great rep and still can’t get anything much.