Geek Battle of Blood—ROUND TWO!!!!

Same rules and regulations as last week, folks. Please only vote once per battle for your champion of choice. Winners will be posted on January 16th.

1. THE BRIDE VS THE KURGAN

The Bride:

PROS:
Deadly assassin. Trained in a bajillion ways to kill people.
Excellent with samurai swords. Decapitation? No problem.
All sorts of martial arts.
Not easily killed—survived getting shot in the head, buried alive, and the Crazy 88.

CONS:
No matter how resourceful The Bride is, she still must decapitate the Kurgan if she wants to survive—and he can (potentially) kill her in a variety of different ways.
Has never experienced The Quickening.

The Kurgan

PROS:
Has survived for centuries upon centuries.
Presumably pretty handy with a sword by now.
Brute strength.
Vicious as hell.

CONS:
Not as smart or resourceful as the Bride.
Even if he can’t be killed any other way but decapitation, The Kurgan can still be injured and slowed down by other means—and the Bride has a lot of weapons in her disposal.

2. BATMAN VS ROBOCOP

Batman:

PROS:
Can practically fly.
Exceptionally skilled fighter—dozens of martial arts.
Tons of gadgets on that utility belt—batarang, grappling gun, flash grenades, etc.
Rich as hell. Could potentially just buy out OCP and become seriously problematic for RoboCop’s prime directives.

CONS:
Doesn’t use guns.
Feels more pain than a cyborg.

RoboCop:

PROS:
Uses guns.
Targeting system.
Very good body armor—possibly even better than Batman’s.
Hard to injure.

CONS:
Nowhere near as fast as Batman.
Certainly not as stealth. Clunks rather loudly, I’d imagine.

3. HELLBOY VS GANDALF

Hellboy:

PROS:
Demon. Immensely strong with a right hand of doom.
Can heal from many would-be-fatal injuries.
Natural immunity to fire.
Big damn gun.

CONS:
No actual magic.
Certainly can’t pass for helpless

Gandalf:

PROS:
Awesome sword plus staff fight combo.
Magic. Particularly good at breaking bridges and depossessing people.
Surely wiser than Hellboy.
Occasionally gets do-overs on the whole dying thing, if the narrative calls for it.

CONS:
Nowhere near as strong as Hellboy
Gun almost always beats a sword.

4. WORF VS KILLER RABBIT

Worf:

PROS:
Trained Klingon warrior.
Skilled at martial arts.
Naturally strong.
Good with bat’leth and phaser.

CONS:
Klingons often have problems with soft, furry creatures.

Killer Rabbit:

PROS:
Ridiculously fast.
Small. Likely hard to hit.
Bloodthirsty.
Has killed many an armed warrior before.

CONS:
Those warriors were always human, and they never had phasers.

5. ASH VS MAX

Ash:

PROS:
Chainsaw hand.
Good with a boomstick.
Squares off with demon-possessed things on a daily basis.

CONS:
No match for Max’s natural speed/agility/strength.
Seriously, klaatu barada nikto. How hard is that to remember?

Max:

PROS:
Transgenic. Super strength, speed, agility, reflexes, etc.
Designed and trained as a supersoldier.
No need for sleep.

CONS:
Won’t use guns. Doesn’t eliminate long-distance attacks entirely, but certainly makes them harder.

6. RIPLEY VS SELENE

Ripley:

PROS:
Buff and completely badass.
Access to future tech, big ass guns, power loader, etc.
Takes on big icky aliens for breakfast.

CONS:
Still human. Not as strong or as fast as a vampire.

Selene:

PROS:
Super strength, speed, agility, etc. Resistant to most injury.
Can’t be killed with the usual weapons against vampires: sunlight, etc.
Also uses very powerful guns.

CONS:
Any weaponry Selene has is modern day.  Could potentially be disadvantaged in unfamiliar settings, like on a spaceship.

7. BLADE VS CYCLOPS

Blade:

PROS:
Exceptionally strong. Great reflexes, agility, etc.
None of the usual vampire problems—sunlight, etc.

CONS:
He’s resilient to a lot of injury . . . but probably not to Cyclops optic blasts at full power.

Cyclops:

PROS:
Big damn optic blasts.
Trained against all kinds of mutants with various types of abilities.

CONS:
Training might only take him so far. Still less naturally strong and fast.

8. IRON MAN VS LIU KANG

Iron Man:

PROS:
Serious body armor.
Missiles come with the costume.
Can fly.

CONS:
There’s not a lot of stealth to being Iron Man. Likely not as quick, either.
No magic.

Liu Kang:

PROS:
Awesome martial artist with moves that continuously defy gravity.
Can shoot fire from his hands.
Can turn into a dragon.

CONS:
No missiles.
No body armor.

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5 Responses to Geek Battle of Blood—ROUND TWO!!!!

  1. Mekaela says:

    “Klingons often have problems with soft, furry creatures.”

    LOL 🙂

  2. 1) The Bride, mostly because I kind of hate the Kurgan now that I remember hem.

    2.) Batman is more adaptable, and is used to fighting armed opponents.

    3.) Gandalf. He knows what to do with demons.

    4.) Sadly, the rabbit’s resemblance to a tribble freezes Worf, and the killer rabbit gives him an honorable (albeit embarrassing) death in glorious battle.

    5.) Tougher call, but my gut says Ash. Through luck.

    6.) Yeah, Selene takes Ripley out pretty fast.

    7.) Cyclops is a lot smarter. He probably already has a plan to take Blade down. Or five.

    8.) Iron Man’s been fighting dragons for a long time (Fin Fang Foom). Liu Kang seems like an upstart after that. Iron Man wins!

    • Tom Palmer says:

      3) Yeah, he knows how to get bitch slapped by them! Hellboy has tangled with magic users before, too, and ones higher on the food chain.

  3. fatpie42 says:

    1) Kurgan might not be fast, but he’s got a massive sword and you need a pretty direct hit to defeat him. Short of running away, I don’t see how the Bride is going to beat him. She’s certainly not going to stop him with a samurai sword unless she’s REALLY lucky. (Yeah, I know she’s been lucky before.)
    2) You know who’s slow and going to be defeated as a result? Robocop. His lumbering has been a problem before.
    3) I was thinking Hellboy was doomed against magic, but then it occurred to me: Hellboy fights magical creatures every week! I’m reckoning Hellboy’s own supernatural origins give him a leg-up here. I reckon he can win this!
    4) Oh come on!
    5) Ash vs Max? Ooooh my heart is screaming Ash, but my head says Max. My head is right this time.
    6) Guns vs martial arts? Yeah, call me crazy, but I’m going with guns this time.
    7) Lasers vs swords? Lasers!!!
    8) Once again, I’m imagining Liu Kang being pulled limb from limb in a fatality. I always have real trouble imagining him as the winner.

  4. PolarisDiB says:

    Bride vs Kurgan:

    Kinda seems like the Bride is in the business of decapitation, if you think about it. I still don’t really know the Kurgan as well as I should to say for sure, but we seem to be looking at a mostly unsurprising battle without the variables we’re not supposed to assume.

    Batman vs. Robocop

    Robocop is too clunky and slow to keep up with Batman’s crazy tech, and the thing is that Robocop is over-reliant on guns which Batman has been plenty able to not worry too much about for ages.

    I’m really shocked Robocop survived the last round. I like the movie and I like the character, but his weak spots are just too easy.

    Hellboy vs. Gandalf

    Eh, Gandalf tends to have this thing about banishing things from the darkness back to their lairs. Gandalf wins this one.

    Worf vs. the Killer Rabbit

    That’s a strange battle but nevertheless, the Killer Rabbit wins. Nothing really gives me indication that Worf would be able to do anything about that thing.

    Ash vs Max

    I don’t know for sure so I didn’t vote on it, but I’m not sure Ash would find it in him to do anything but say lewd things to Max while she kicked his ass. Ash has this tendency to pull himself together at the last minute, so it would be an interesting battle eventually, but without knowledge of Max’s tactics I cannot say how long Ash would be given to turn his attitude around.

    Ripley vs. Selene.

    Dear lord, Ripley. Selene, at least in the first Underworld, is barely more than a bitchy teenager (“I’m going to leave this mansion I hate you all!…I came back, look at my new boyfriend! …. You guys all hate my boyfriend, I’m never coming back! …. I’m back!”)

    So what does that mean to their fighting abilities? Well actually quite a bit. Selene has moves but they’re self-consciously sexy. Ripley has one goal and one goal only and that is to overcome. Ripley pays more attention, is more considerate, and is more adaptable.

    Blade vs. Cyclops

    This would be an interesting battle, for sure, but Blade’s immunity to sunlight isn’t necessarily immunity to Cyclops’ vision. This one is pretty evenly matched as Cyclops would try to do potshots while Blade would run around and perform his own moves. Blade could shoot Cyclops….

    Hrm. I really hate Blade as a character and I don’t hate Cyclops as much as most people do, but I have to give this one to Blade. Damn it.

    Iron Man vs. Liu Kang

    Iron Man.

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