Well, no close fights this week. These were all pretty much first round KO’s.
1. HELLBOY VS IRON MAN
After killing Liu Kang in Mortal Kombat, Iron Man is . . . excused from further participation. (Nobody wanted to go up against his missiles.) Back at home, he decides to hold a giant party to celebrate, only things get out of hand quickly, and Hellboy is called in to calm things down. Hellboy figures this is a massive waste of his time and skills, but since Iron Man is drunk and blowing up shit, Hellboy goes to stop him.
Hellboy’s gun has no effect on Iron Man’s armor. They fight hand to hand for awhile, neither really getting the upper hand. When Iron Man gets bored of fighting, he tries to shoot a missile at Hellboy, figuring this strategy has worked exceptionally well for him the last few weeks. But Hellboy just barely jumps out of the way in time, and the missile hits a building behind them instead. Hellboy, who—like most people—does not like missiles to be shot at him, brings his right hand of doom down squarely on Iron Man’s chest. Iron Man goes down. Hellboy brings his hand down again, and Iron Man’s suit crunches, the arc reactor shattering. Such is the end of Iron Man.
The Blasphemous Wench Speaks: I really thought this one was going to be a lot closer, but Hellboy owned this fight from beginning to end. To this person who guessed Iron Man vs Killer Rabbit finale . . . sorry. Not this year, apparently.
2. RIPLEY VS THE KILLER RABBIT
After a battle with Selene in space, Ripley decides that a life on a starship is just more hazardous than it’s worth. Unfortunately, her ship’s navigation is on the rocks, and she lands seemingly in the middle of nowhere. It’s also the middle of the night and freezing, so Ripley looks for some form of shelter. She spots a cave and heads toward it. And then the Killer Rabbit emerges.
Ripley’s awesome, so she manages to get at least a few shots off with her giant gun. Unfortunately for her, the Killer Rabbit flies like the wind and dodges them all, landing squarely on her neck and biting down. Hard.
Killer Rabbit (61.9%)
The Blasphemous Wench Speaks: The funny thing is, I just assumed that the Killer Rabbit wouldn’t make it all that far in this tournament . . . heh. Silly rabbit. Ripley can take out an alien queen, but apparently a little bunny is just too much for her. Sorry, Ripley.
3. BATMAN VS BLADE
After a tasty meal of mutant, Blade leaves the Mansion and comes to Gotham City, looking for dessert. He runs into Catwoman who, until just a few moments ago, was very busy stealing a few diamond necklaces. Blade is on her before she can react, and he’s about to sink his teeth in . . . when Batman swoops into the picture, launching forward, and kicking Blade in the chest with both feet.
Blade stumbles back. Batman and Blade fight, and Batman is disturbed to find that many of his gadgets have little effect on the former vampire hunter. Blade has his own weapons, though, and attacks Batman with his sword, hoping to pin him in one place in order to feast upon him better. Batman kicks the sword out of Blade’s hand and slides for it before Blade can recover it. Blade moves faster than the eye can see and tries to sneak attack Batman from behind, but since Batman is basically a ninja in a cape, he anticipates this and decapitates Blade.
(Catwoman thanks Batman for saving her life by stealing the Batmobile for a joyride.)
The Blasphemous Wench Speaks: I was a little concerned for Batman going in to this week. Blade had proven to be surprisingly resilient in these fights—I was sure he’d be out in the first round against Buffy—but apparently I needn’t have worried. Batman led this battle the whole week.
4. THE BRIDE VS MAX
There’s not as much money in vigilantism as you’d expect—at least, if you’re not already a billionaire from birth—so the Bride takes on a few hit job to pay the bills. Manticore’s first assassin, Bullseye, failed to kill Max, so they hired the Bride to finish the job. She tries to sneak into Terminal City, but Max catches her on a patrol of the borders, and they fight then and there.
The Bride attacks with her Hanso sword. Max, unarmed, is forced on the defensive and dodges with her super speed and reflexes. At one point, she catches the Bride’s arm and twists the sword out of her grip. They fight hand to hand for a while, Max’s natural strength versus the Bride’s kung fu training, but when Max goes for the Hanso sword that the Bride has dropped, the Bride goes for her gun concealed in her boot. Max doesn’t have time to dodge before the Bride shoots her in the heart.
The Bride (78.38%)
The Blasphemous Wench Speaks: The biggest knock-out of the week. The Bride killed Max in this poll. Frankly, I’m just happy Max made it this far at all. I still kind of miss Dark Angel. Second season had some problems, but it ended on a really strong note, and I think it deserved a third season.
That’s it for this week. New match-ups—only two this time—will be posted tomorrow.