Coming Soon-Ish: Spider-Man, Funny Apocalypses, and Revisionist History With Vampires.

The Amazing Spiderman

Okay, so setting aside the fact that it’s sort of ridiculous this movie is getting made at all . . . well, I was kind of into the trailer. Yes. A part of my brain just hates itself for that. After all, Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man was made, what? Ten years ago? But I’ve never been in love with those movies. I mean, they’re good movies (the first two, anyway) but I never feel the desire to rewatch them, ever. They’re so damn mopey, sometimes. And while I’m nowhere near a Spider-Man expert, I kind of like the superhero best when he’s wisecracking. When Spider-Man briefly showed up in the Runaways series, I completely fell in love with him. So, yeah, I loved the whole, “You seriously think I’m a cop in the skintight red and blue suit” thing.

Also, I have hope for Gwen Stacy, if only because I like Emma Stone so much. Is it really so much to ask that a superhero’s girlfriend not be awful?

7500

I’m not sure why, exactly, but I wholeheartedly expect this movie to suck. I do like Ryan Kwanten, and I want to see him in more things, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to be the movie that shows me his range, you know? I’m almost too distracted by the song to really pay attention to the trailer. I’m all for slow, creepy versions of previously non-creepy songs, but . . . I really don’t think it works for every song out there. The “spooky” version of “Leaving On a Jet Plane” just seems more silly than anything else.

The Bourne Legacy

I know everyone loves the Bourne movies, but I . . . I don’t know, I’ve never really gotten into them. Not like they’re bad. I just don’t care. One of them comes on TV, maybe I’ll have it playing in the background or something. So, really, my only interest in this movie is that Jeremy Renner’s in it. Well, the whole supporting cast is great. But they were also in the previous films, and I still managed to be apathetic.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Oh, Johnny Cash. This is my very favorite Johnny Cash song, although, to be honest, I’ve seen it used more effectively before. (Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead for one, and the first season finale of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles for another.)

I’m definitely interested in this one because I can’t help myself (and also because of the supporting cast, I mean, Jesus: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Dominic Cooper, Alan Tudyk, Jimmi Simpson, Rufus Sewell, etc). But I would like to see a longer trailer for it. This one really doesn’t have much to it, other than Lincoln swinging his axe around. (Okay, that’s probably going be the whole movie, too. But come on, guys. Throw me a little dialogue or something.)

Seeking a Friend For the End of the World

I desperately want to see this. I laughed at so many things in this trailer. The cast is just awesome—Steve Carrell, Keira Knightly, Gillian Jacobs, Melanie Lynskey, Adam Brody, Connie Britton, William Petersen, etc—and I don’t know, it just looks really neat. But you have to wonder about how they’ll end it. I mean, if the world really does end, well, Jesus, that’s depressing. But if it doesn’t . . . it’d be kind of a cop-out, right?

Maybe I’ll have a Non-Zombie Apocalypse Movie Day sometime and watch this. Make myself watch Melancholia, while I’m at it.

And finally . . . The Three Stooges

Well. This looks like the worst movie on the planet.

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13 Responses to Coming Soon-Ish: Spider-Man, Funny Apocalypses, and Revisionist History With Vampires.

  1. fatpie42 says:

    “And while I’m nowhere near a Spider-Man expert, I kind of like the superhero best when he’s wisecracking.”

    I’d say that makes you more of a Spider-Man expert than Raimi seems to be.

    • Dave Nielsen says:

      I’d say that makes you more of a Spider-Man expert than Raimi seems to be.

      Not from what I remember. Spider-Man cracked wise fairly often in those movies, and the darker tone of this new one doesn’t fit the character. Having Gwen Stacey die in the comic was probably an attempt to add that quality to the comic and it failed there too.

      • fatpie42 says:

        1) “Spider-Man cracked wise fairly often in those movies”
        He didn’t do ANY wise-cracks in those movies. At all. I mean seriously, I was looking out for them. What did I miss? (Did he suddenly introduce tons of jokes in the third one? I didn’t see that one.)
        2) “the darker tone of this new one doesn’t fit the character”
        The comics I saw with stories such as “Maximum Carnage” had a very dark tone indeed. There was even one comic where Spider-Man gets so disturbed by his situation that he seals himself in a web cocoon. M-J (his wife at the time) conveys through narrative that “something died in there”. Spider-Man in the comics sometimes got REALLY dark, y’know?
        3) Perhaps it depends on when you read the comics. For me Gwen Stacey was always a flashback to the past. In one story a female character who kills men who abuse women believes Spider-Man is a reasonable target because she sees news stories about how he killed Stacey. While Spider-Man notes that she hasn’t done her research fairly quickly, he’s clearly initially taken aback because this was an event that left him very guilty at the time.
        – I’d note too that Raimi was clearly trying to give Spider-Man that same angst that came from Stacey’s death, only without any actual deaths. As such, having decided that he shouldn’t have close relationships in the first film, he’s constantly whining at M-J in the second movie as if it wasn’t him who turned her down in the first place. If he was emotionally stunted due to a major tragedy in his life, it might make more sense. (And no, you can’t blame it all on the death of his elderly uncle.)

      • Dave Nielsen says:

        What did I miss?

        All of them I guess. I don’t know what else to say. He doesn’t do any standup if that’s what you were expecting.

        Spider-Man in the comics sometimes got REALLY dark, y’know?

        The movies – including this new one – are clearly based on much older material. Duh.

        (And no, you can’t blame it all on the death of his elderly uncle.)

        Oh? Why’s that? Try giving a reason. Your opinion alone might be enough for you but not for anyone else. Personally I’ve never been responsible for anyone’s death so I don’t know how it might affect me but I’m guessing I’d take it pretty hard.

        • fatpie42 says:

          (And no, you can’t blame it all on the death of his elderly uncle.)

          Oh? Why’s that? Try giving a reason.

          The death of his elderly uncle doesn’t explain his whining in the second movie. You think I need to give a reason for this? Okay, let me explain.

          Put simply: Aunt May.

          To go further. If his fawning over his childhood crush who he already dumped can all be blamed on his emotional response to his dead Uncle then I am at a loss as to how its connected. Throughout the comics he’s always felt he needed to stay strong for Aunt May. Being emotionally fragile with a woman might make sense if he is mourning the death of an old girlfriend, but when it comes to the death of his Uncle just one look at his Aunt May ought to make him ashamed of himself.

          Perhaps the problem is that I’m basing my views on the later comics where they made things a bit less cheesy and tried giving Peter Parker more realistic character motivations. *shrugs*

          Naturally I wasn’t expecting Spider-Man to do stand-up comedy, but I was expecting some humour. If there was any feel free to point it out. I don’t think it was there. (Maybe I just didn’t find him shouting “Go Web” as funny as you did?)

  2. Claire says:

    I heard that they are remaking Spiderman because Toby Maguire didn’t want to be in the upcoming Avengers movie/

    • fatpie42 says:

      Marvel doesn’t own Spider-Man at the moment. (In fact, they’d lose the contract to Marvel if they didn’t release another movie, which seems to be the main reason for the reboot.)

      Are you saying that Marvel would have been willing to buy back the rights themselves if Tobey Maguire would still play the part? (I have to say, I’m kinda relieved. I don’t really think Maguire was much of an actor.)

  3. Teacups says:

    I’m also looking forward to Spiderman in spite of myself, although the thing holding me back is my general disappointment in superhero movies. But I like Andrew Garfield and I really want to see him in more stuff, I like that he’s actually a vigilante in this one and that it’s not just like “Oh, look, another derogatory article about me no one will care about, isn’t that precious?”, I like that he’s snarky, and I’m also a big fan of Emma Stone and holding out hope that Gwen Stacy won’t be pointless, annoying, a Mary Sue, useless, bland, a damsel-in-distress, or all of the above. And you know, maybe this will be the one where I can finally really appreciate the hero as a character.

    I kind of recommend Griff The Invisible for a great superhero love interest and Ryan Kwanten showing off his range (well, he’s naive and childlike in this too, but it’s in a different way to Jason Stackhouse, and he’s very shy, introverted, and awkward). But I can’t entirely call Melody a superhero love interest because I can’t entirely call Griff a superhero, and it’s not so much a superhero movie with a romantic subplot as it is a romantic dramedy (I’m iffy about that word because my friend would complain about it whenever I used it and he infected me with his loathing, but IMO I can’t honestly call it a drama or a comedy, so) with a superhero theme. It’s also absolutely nothing like Kick-Ass, which I feel I have to clarify because so many people compared the two and it drove me insane.

    I’m mostly just weirded out that Party Down was apparently psychic – the sixth episode’s A-story was about the main character trying to snag the role of a vampire-slaying Abraham Lincoln in a movie JK Simmons’ character was producing. He was just assisting, Edgar Allan Poe was the main vampire hunter, but still.

    I had not heard of Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World before, so I just have to say; damn, is that a great idea for a movie. And yes, I totally want to watch Melancholia – which I’m hopeful about, I usually like Lars Von Trier’s things – and then use this to cheer myself up.

  4. Dave Nielsen says:

    Well. This looks like the worst movie on the planet.

    Yes. When I saw this, the phrase “Oh the humanity” kind of leapt to mind.

  5. Macabre says:

    After Burton’s Batman, Spider-Man 1 and 2 are my favorite superhero movies, so just the the fact that they’re already rebooting the whole series immediately makes me reject the new movie. If they want different actors and a different tone, fine, but what’s the point of a reboot, where they’ll probably subject everyone to another origins story that everyone already knows? It looks like fans of the comics and cartoons will like the new one more, just because Spider-Man is so darn snarky and wise-cracking. I’d like to see Peter Parker curb-stomp this jackass version of Spider-Man and remind him that “with great power comes great responsiblity, goddamn it!”

    And Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter looks atrocious. I’ve never read the book and never will, but I assumed it would have a tongue-in-cheek tone. I was expecting a wink-at-the-camera, we-know-this-is-ridiculous, we’re-just-having-fun kinda deal. Instead, based on that trailer, it looks like they’re playing it straight.

    • Dave Nielsen says:

      And Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter looks atrocious. I’ve never read the book and never will, but I assumed it would have a tongue-in-cheek tone. I was expecting a wink-at-the-camera, we-know-this-is-ridiculous, we’re-just-having-fun kinda deal. Instead, based on that trailer, it looks like they’re playing it straight.

      It will still suck, but a tongue-in-cheek tone might have been worse, like someone who laughs at their own jokes.

      It looks like fans of the comics and cartoons will like the new one more, just because Spider-Man is so darn snarky and wise-cracking.

      It’s been a while since I’ve seen the Sam Raimi Spider-Man movies but I seem to remember him cracking wise quite a bit in those, and the lighter tone fit the character much better and was more in line with the comics. Of course, I haven’t read a Spider-Man comic since the early 90s so maybe that’s changed.

      they’ll probably subject everyone to another origins story that everyone already knows

      One thing I didn’t like about the Raimi Spider-Man was the lack of mechanical web shooters.

  6. Dave Nielsen says:

    I’m not looking forward to that new Bourne movie – having Jeremy Renner in it will probably ensure a very high, even lethal, fromage content.

  7. Fran says:

    holy crap, the new Spiderman kid looks EXACTLY like Michael C. Hall in that one frame.

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