I haven’t been around much in the last week and, being honest, I might not be around much in the next week or so, either. Between birthdays, moving, and allergy-related apathy towards pretty much everything, I just haven’t had the time or energy for lengthy snark. Never fear. You can never keep me from lengthy snark for too long.

More importantly, I have poll results for you. First, Meryl Streep’s best role . . .

Julia Child from Julie and Julia.

Votes were pretty scattered, but Julia Child was easily the top-runner with 37.5% of the vote. Sophie from Sophie’s Choice and Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada took second and third place respectively. Total Loser Award . . . although it feels sort of wrong to describe it as such with Meryl Streep’s Oscar-nominated roles . . . is a nine-way tie between Adaptation, Music of the Heart, One True Thing, The Bridges of Madison Count, A Cry in the Dark, Ironweed, Out of Africa, Kramer vs Kramer, and The Deer Hunter.

Now, there’s a good chance that a lot of you just haven’t seen most of these movies. While there was one particularly dedicated Meryl Streep fan who has, in fact, seen all seventeen nominees, the average is considerably less. In fact, let’s elementary school math it for a moment here, shall we?

The Mean (or Average) Number of Meryl Streep Films You’ve Seen: 4.9375
The Median: 4.5
The Mode: 5

People Besides Me Who Have Not Watched A Single Meryl Streep Nominated Film: 0

So, yes, not only am I the only person who hasn’t watched any of Meryl Streep’s nominated work, I also actually had to look up how to calculate the mean, median, and mode for these results and am, thus, a total failure.

I’d bury my head in shame, but that seems like a waste of time when I could be eating my chocolate butter Easter candy instead.