The Worst of the Worst . . .

So, I’m a little surprised. The votes are in, and the the Worst Remake Ever (or at least out of the presented choices) goes to . . .

I thought Godzilla had this one in the bag, but it was a tight race with many worthy (atrocious?) contenders, and apparently, turning this widely beloved science fiction classic into something starring Keanu Reeves was simply more than most of you could take. I haven’t actually seen the remake myself, so I have no real opinion on the film. Actually, I haven’t seen a lot of these remakes, and honestly? I’m a little proud of that.

Second place goes to Gus Van Sant’s shot by shot remake of Psycho. Roland Emmerich’s Godzilla, meanwhile, only manages to scrap by with a bronze medal, showing just how tough of a field this really is.

Finally, Total Loser Award (or — in this case — possibly Total Winner Award) goes to four movies: Conan the Barbarian, Black Christmas, Clash of the Titans, and Poseidon. Of these, I have only seen Black Christmas and Clash of the Titans, and as much as the latter sucked, the former? So much worse.

In fact, it hurts my soul a little.

Because in the remake, let’s ignore the one thing that really makes Black Christmas unique and instead turn the killer into some yellow, diseased, raped-by-his-mother mental asylum escapee named Billy. Yes. That will make it better.

In conclusion: there are some good remakes out there — but wow, so many, many bad ones.

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