Coming Soon-Ish: Suckiness. Lots and Lots of It.

World War z

This trailer came out last Thursday maybe two hours after I had already put up my weekly batch of previews. Bastards.

Now that I’m finally posting it . . . yeah, I have to say, I’m not entirely impressed. It’s been a while since I’ve read World War Z, but from what I remember, the really unique thing about the novel was that it didn’t focus on one main character or one group: it’s a narrative entirely comprised of personal anecdotes told by dozens and dozens of people all around the globe. Of course, I knew that would be incredibly difficult to translate to a movie, but if this trailer is any indication . . . it kind of seems like the filmmakers missed the point entirely. (Although I do like some of Marc Forster’s work, namely Stranger than Fiction and Finding Neverland.)

But you know what would have been cool to see? World War Z as an anthology movie — like Movie 43, Paris je’taimeor V/H/S — with ten different directors and ten different mini-casts all working together to create one cohesive apocalypse story.

Yeah. That would have been awesome.

The Host

I have never read this book, but I will admit this: as much as I don’t like love triangles, there is something sort of interesting about the complicated relationship between a boy, a girl, and the alien possessing the girl’s body.

That being said . . . yeah, this looks kind of bad. The voiceover is completely terrible, and the special effects are possibly even worse. That shot of the planet? WTF? Someone else thought that looked stupid, right?

I wasn’t really planning on seeing this movie, but my interest has managed to drop anyhow.

Mortal Instruments

Oh, look: another movie based on a YA novel I’ve never read. I am, I suppose, a tiny bit more interested in this one — although that’s almost certainly because of the tiny snippets we get of Jared Harris and CCH Pounder. But still . . . eh. I could try it, I guess, but this looks . . . I don’t know, generic? I can deal with the fact that sexy angels and demons seem to be the new vampires, but there’s just nothing about this trailer that’s calling out to me.

Oz the Great and Powerful

Second trailer up for this TWoO prequel, and . . . I’m still not entirely feeling it. Sheesh. I really must be malcontent today.

Some of this movie looks like a little too Wonderland to me, other parts too Shrek — seriously, I’ve asked this before, but is Fiona the Wicked Witch? — and I’m not feeling James Franco as the hero at all. I’ll probably watch this at some point anyway because I love The Wizard of Oz, but my expectations are still pretty low. I can only hope Rachel Weisz has the opportunity to get her Margaret Hamilton on and chew up some scrumptious scenery. Because that would be worth watching.

 And finally . . . The Canyons:

Okay, so . . . 0 for 5 today.

Seriously, this is kind of a fun trailer, and if the movie actually were a 1950’s melodrama parody, I’d probably want to see it. (Even if it does star Lindsay Lohan.) But as far as I can tell, that’s just marketing, which means that all those awful line reads are probably supposed to be taken seriously, which . . . ye gods. Also, the main guy, James Deen, has something like 900 credits to his name on IMDb, but considering they’re all porn movies . . . yeah, my confidence level is not exactly boosted.

In conclusion: wow. This was really a disappointing week for trailers.

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