Golden Globes, 2013!

Well, Award Season kicked off last night with the Golden Globes.


And I am here to do my half-ass commentary, per usual.

1. Let’s start with the best part of the whole show . . .


. . .  the hosts. Now typically, the hosts are usually the very worst part of the show, but this year, the Golden Globes got Tina Fey and Amy Poehler for the job, and these two funny ladies were an inspired choice. (I can’t tell you how badly I wish they were hosting the Oscars instead of Seth MacFarlane. Oy.)

Some quotes:

“Only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television.”

“When it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron.”

“Congratulations, Lena. I’m glad we got you through middle school.”

“But enough silliness. Daniel Day-Lewis is here.”

“That was Hilary Clinton’s husband!”

2. Seriously, Bill Clinton showed up? The hell?


Whoever managed to get an ex-president of the United States to introduce Lincoln is one cunning sonofabitch. I want to shake that man’s hand. (Although I also kind of wished that President Obama would pop up right afterwards to introduce Zero Dark Thirty, and then Kathryn Bigelow would be all like, “Booyah! In your face, Steven Spielberg!” Sadly, this was not to be.)

3. My sister works a lot of evenings, and I start work every Sunday night at 11:00 pm, so it’s not always easy for us to watch award shows together. (Which, it’s kind of meant to be a group activity. Snark works better with a partner, or at least an audience.) In the past, we’ve always just watched the 8:00 rebroadcast and missed the last twenty minutes, until it finally occurred to me that I could DVR the live broadcast and just watch it with Mekaela when she got home, fast-forwarding past commercials and any speeches I don’t care about.

The worst part about this is trying to avoid spoilers before you watch the show — all I wanted to do was look up one measly Django Unchained quote without discovering that Christoph Waltz had won for Best Supporting Actor, dammit. On the other hand, we managed to finish watching a three hour program in two hours. So, you know. Score!

4. I can’t remember: do the Golden Globes normally skip the In Memoriam reel that almost every award show has? I didn’t even think about it until later, but they didn’t do one at all. I’m almost positive I didn’t accidentally fast-forward past it.

5. I love that no one dramatic movie hogged all the awards this year. Best Supporting Actor and Best Screenplay went to Christoph Waltz and Quentin Tarantino respectively for Django Unchained. Best Lead Actor went to Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln. Best Lead Actress went to Jessica Chastain for Zero Dark Thirty. Best Director went to Ben Affleck for Argo, which also won for Best Film.

It was nice to see a wide range of talent rewarded. (You hear that, Homeland? Shut-outs are BORING. Give a little.)

6. Point of interest: Modern Family didn’t win shit. Heh.

7. And finally, fashion.



I thought Julianna Marguiles looked stunning in this. You can’t tell from this angle, but the dress is backless and looks great on her.


I know I’ll get some shit for this because this dress seems to be topping everyone’s worst list right now, but I actually think that even though it goes against my typical loathing for huge floral print . . . I don’t know; I like this one. I don’t think just anyone could pull it off, but Lucy Liu does. It looks particularly romantic and soft with the way she’s done her hair. And I adore the pockets.


Relatively simple but elegant and probably the best red dress of the night. Do you know this bitch just had a baby? Godamn you, Claire Danes.


I’m not usually a big fan of mermaid dresses, but this one is actually really nice and Hayden Panettiere has the figure to make it work. There were a lot of dresses similar to this style on the red carpet, but this dress was my favorite hands down. Also, her hair and makeup looked fantastic.

NBC's "70th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

I usually don’t think much of anything about Katharine McPhee, but she looked sexy as hell in this dress. The big plunge can be problematic with some gowns, but this one is perfectly fitted to her body, and I would wear the shit out of this dress if I had the figure and the occasion to do so.



Nicole Richie’s dress is the bastard child of an evening gown and an ice skating costume. I hate it.


I’m not crazy about seafoam green as a color anyway, but I could forgive it for the contrast with Jessica Chastain’s red hair. I cannot forgive the top portion of the dress, however. It is way too big for her, and it makes her look like she has saggy boobs. This is not a good look for anyone.


What the shit is that, Sienna Miller? I know you wanted to wear something influenced by the 60’s, but that didn’t mean you had to wear an art project from a nine year old girl! The flowers pop out of the dress. It hurts me.


At first, I just saw the top of this dress, and I was like . . . okay, sheer polka dot isn’t really my thing, but it’s not too bad in limited amounts; I can deal with it . . . and then I saw the rest of the dress. If Sienna Miller’s shirt and skirt is a 60’s inspired outfit from Hell, then Rachel Weisz’s dress is a particularly unfortunate and frightening tribute to the 1980’s.


Morena Baccarin, you are a stunningly beautiful woman. Why are you dressing yourself this way? Why? Who looks at this dress and thinks it’s a good idea? It’s just wrong. All, all of it wrong.

That concludes tonight’s commentary of last night’s activities and fashions. See you at the next awards show . . . or at least for the Oscars.

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