Remember this guy?

I do. I like Brendan Fraser, or at least, I like a lot of his older movies. I enjoy The Mummy and The Mummy Returns. (Yes, I like The Mummy Returns. Get over it.) He’s fun enough in Bedazzled. I really like him in Gods and Monsters a whole lot, and I seem to remember School Ties being pretty decent. I even liked his guest spot on Scrubs.

But then I see him in movies like this . . .

. . . and I just want to weep.

What I Want to See Instead:

Nothing family-friendly, that’s for sure. I’m not saying he needs to star in the next Hostel or anything, but half of this man’s career has been dominated by kids’ movies, and not the good kind of kids’ movies, like Matilda or Enchanted or The Goonies. I don’t want Disney anywhere near this man, not unless it’s awesome-sauce Disney, like The Avengers.

But I think I’d rather see him in a drama, anyway, maybe something a little more action-oriented, like a thriller, and/or a serial killer movie. (I don’t know if I’d want him to be the serial killer. Maybe. I was thinking one of the cops, but playing against type as a bad guy, well, that could be kind of fun too.) He could also be in a drama-drama, something about family and life or whatnot, but nothing too inspirational with a capital I, lest he end up in another movie like this . . .

Remember this movie? Neither does anyone else.

I do not want to see the words “miracle” or “inspired by a true story”. Might be best if there’s no Harrison Ford, either.

The other, possibly better way Fraser could go would be TV. A couple of good guest spots can help boost a struggling career, especially if you can prove versatility by doing both comedy and drama. (Not to mention, a great guest role can always lead to being a series regular.)

A year ago, I might have suggested a stint on Community, but unfortunately, the show is struggling pretty hard to find its rhythm without Dan Harmon at the helm. So, I’d throw him on Cougar Town instead — a show that’s always looking for more Scrubs alum — and then maybe something a bit more serious, like, I don’t know, The Good Wife. (I’m literally just guessing with The Good Wife, since I’ve never actually seen it. I hear good things, though, and they seem to have all kinds of cool guest arcs.)

Finally, I think Fraser should show up on one of the post-apocalyptic shows, say, Revolution or preferably The Walking Dead, as I’m still watching that one.

“Hey, Winston! Pedal faster!”

Because, come on. Who doesn’t want to see Rick O’Connell against some zombies?