I’m leaving to go to Reno for the weekend, so I’m not writing a lot tonight — per usual, I have procrastinated packing until the very last minute — but I did get the chance to go to a reading by Joe Hill (Heart-Shaped Box, Horns, 20th Century Ghosts) this evening, and I had a really good time.

Things I Learned From a Joe Hill Reading

1. If you man up and actually get your book signed, instead of slinking away to the cash register where you don’t have to make eye contact with famous authors, you can get little cartoon drawings of adorable vampires near your (correctly spelled) name. I am very pleased with this outcome and now expect any and all attempts of ballsiness on my part to be met with tiny, adorable vampires.

2. Joe Hill is a pretty funny guy. If you have the opportunity, I’d highly recommend going to one of his readings. He had a very easy, friendly manner with the crowd, a skill which I deeply envy and would steal from him with no remorse at all if I had some kind of magical straw that allowed me to suck away the confidence — or at least the ability to convincingly feign confidence — from his brain. (Hm, but where would I put that straw? On second thought, let’s just go with a magical ring or something equally traditional and less creepy. “Mr. Hill, I thought Heart-Shaped Box was stunningly original. Would you mind if treated your gray matter like Yoo-Hoo?”)

3. Joe Hill’s reason for not taking Lovecraft seriously? Best. Thing. Ever.

4. Joe Hill writes a thousand words a day every day.

5. I am a failure.

But, you know, whatevs. I’ve got a cool book now with a little cartoon vampire inside. (I’ve decided to name him Sparky. Fear him, for he is two-dimensional and the bringer OF YOUR DOOM.)