I watch a LOT of television. Sadly, most of it goes unnoticed by the Emmys — some of it justifiably (The Vampire Diaries, American Ninja Warrior), some of it less so (Justified, Orphan Black, Community — er, past seasons, anyway). Since most of my TV favorites went unrecognized AGAIN, I figured I’d be totally bored by the Emmy ceremony this year.
Good Lord, was I wrong.
1. Let’s talk upsets, shall we? We’ve got Merritt Weaver winning Best Supporting Actress – Comedy for Nurse Jackie. We’ve got Tony Hale winning Best Supporting Actor – Comedy for Veep. We’ve got Jeff Daniels taking Best Actor – Drama for The Newsroom. And then The Amazing Race and The Daily Show both LOST in their respective categories.
1A. I don’t know very much about Nurse Jackie. I don’t know anyone who actually watches it, and I tend to forget it exists at all until the Emmys roll around. That being said, Merritt Weaver easily had the best speech of the night: “Thank you so much! Um, thank you so much . . . I gotta go, bye.”
1B. Likewise, I’ve never actually seen Veep. (This is something of a running theme, as you’ll see.) But after years and years of Modern Family domination, I’m usually happy when anyone else wins. Which I feel slightly bad about because I actually like Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Ed O’Neil. Still. The comedy revolution begins tonight!
1C. I figured this was probably going to be Bryan Cranston’s year, but if he didn’t win, it would probably go to Damien Lewis. And I figured Jon Hamm actually had an outside chance, since we’d already seen a few surprises thus far. It did not even occur to me that Jeff Daniels might take this. Or anybody else, apparently. You weren’t kidding, NPH — I don’t think anyone won the workplace Emmy poll.
1D. In my 2012 Emmy Commentary, I mentioned that if The Amazing Race won one more year in a row, it would be MORTAL KOMBAT. Well, luckily, EarthRealm is now safe, all thanks to . . . The Voice? Seriously? I mean, I guess I should actually watch it before I knock it and all, but . . . really, The Voice?
1E. I watch The Daily Show on a regular basis, but even I was happy to see The Colbert Report take this one. Good for you, Stephen Colbert! (And the eighty thousand writers, whose names I do not know.)
2. Sadly, Modern Family wasn’t entirely shut out — they still won Best Comedy. Oh well, I guess our hearts couldn’t take that many upsets.
3. Due to some recording issues, I missed a little of the beginning and also a little of the ending. I didn’t much mind. I like Neil Patrick Harris, and I’ve definitely seen worse hosts, but the opening monologue I did see . . . well, it was okay, but I wouldn’t call it great, either. Kevin Spacey, though. Totally awesome. Maybe I should check out House of Cards.
4. I appear to be in the minority on this, but I actually liked the choreography section. Maybe because I didn’t watch So You Think You Can Dance this season and just missed it more than I realized . . . I thought the TV show interpretations were fun. I especially liked American Horror Story: Asylum (almost certainly done by Sonya Tayeh) which is funny because I don’t particularly like American Horror Story.
Of course, this is the rare category where I’m actually familiar with the work of, like, four different contestants . . . and naturally the guy from Dancing with the Stars wins. Le sigh.
5. The individual In Memoriam tributes were actually kind of nice . . . but I couldn’t help but feel a little bad for the people who weren’t considered worthy enough to have their own special tribute and were thus relegated to the Generic Dead Reel. How do you make those decisions, anyway? I don’t know if that’s a committee I’d especially want to sit on.
6. It seems like poor Jon Hamm is destined to never win an Emmy, despite the fact that everybody loves him. I wonder if he’s growing that grizzly beard out of grief. Angst Beard, people. It’s a real thing.
7. Finally, fashion. There were a few dresses I really liked and many, many more that I absolutely hated. I’d probably give best dressed to Sofia Vergara, despite that giant fucking ring on her finger. (Giant rings were apparently the red carpet trend this year. I hated each and every one of them.) Honorable mentions would go to Julianna Marguiles, Zooey Deschanel, Christina Hendricks, Carrie Preston, and Kaley Cuoco.
Worst dressed, though? Good God, to pick just one . . . I think I might have to go with Zosia Mamet’s atrocious dress. It has, like, a weird tie-dye/watercolor bottom with a netting bib on top and a black sleep mask across her boobs. It is HORRIBLE. (And, apparently, custom-made just for her. Yeesh.) Other dishonorable mentions: Aubrey Plaza, Lena Dunham, Lena Heady, Juliane Hough, Connie Britton, Mayim Bialik, Laura Dern, and Amanda Peet.
Well, that’s it for this year’s Emmys. Maybe next year they’ll actually nominate Tatiana Maslany?