Okay, kids. Here are your answers:
“Lassiter is literally on fire today.”
“What kind of fire are we talking about? Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial fire or misusing the word ‘literally’ fire?”
“Victory is mine. Victory is mine. Great day in the morning, people. Victory is mine.”
“CJ, on your tombstone it’s gonna read ‘Post hoc ergo propter hoc.’
“Okay, but none of my visitors are going to be able to understand my tombstone.”
“I am making a mental list of those who are snickering, and even as I speak I am preparing appropriate retribution.”
“Hand me that foot, would you?”
“Mr. Grissom, you’re looking grim. I’m afraid I don’t have a supplement for that.”
“Cruella made me wear underwear today. No one makes me wear underwear.”
This is another show I gave up on seasons ago — not because I hated the direction they were going but because there’s simply a limit to how long a procedural like this can go before every case seems like a carbon copy of every other case they had before it. That, and members of the main cast started leaving, of course. But I watched CSI for years — in fact, I’m pretty sure CSI was the very first fandom I ever wrote for. Nick and Greg were my favorites, although I pretty much liked everyone but Catherine. Not that she didn’t have her moments, but she pissed me off a couple of times (it is NOT okay to be mean to Sara) and I hated almost every single one of her boring ass storylines.
When I first moved out after high school, we didn’t have cable, not even basic cable, and these were the years before Netflix Instant. Basically all I had to watch were episodes of CSI and The Simpsons on DVD. Clearly, these were dark times.
“I like your style, hombre, but this is no laughing matter. Assault on a police officer. Theft of police property. Illegal possession of a firearm. Five counts of attempted murder. That comes to . . . twenty-nine dollars and forty cents. Cash, check, or credit card?”
“I don’t want to be like you. I don’t want to stoop that low. Kirk wouldn’t stoop that low.”
“That was a television show, John. And he made Priceline commercials.”
“Shut up! I hate when villains quote Shakespeare!”
Farscape is my favorite science-fiction show of all time. I mean, at least at the moment — there are tons of SF shows I haven’t even seen. But of the ones I have . . . I adore Farscape in all its breathtaking, kooky, space opera glory. This is a show that knows how to balance the absurd with the tragic, and I love it. I love how John’s journey changes him. Aeryn is one of my very favorite female badasses ever. D’Argo kind of starts out like a Worf rip-off but totally becomes his own character, and he’s awesome. The relationships are great. The insanity is great. The villains are exceptional — Scorpius? Best. Fucking. Thing. Ever. This show has one of my very favorite version of a love triangle ever, and there’s even an episode with cartoons!
Farscape probably takes at least half a season to really find its own voice, but once it does and goes balls to the wall with it . . . it’s spectacular.
“Let me just say we accept homeowners of any race, religion, color, or . . . sexual orientation.”
“Neil, it’s your grief counselors. We’ve come to hug.”
“I hope your apple pie is freaking worth it!”
I used to absolutely love Supernatural. I might have written my very first fanfiction for CSI, but I became obsessed with fanfiction when I started watching this show. Monsters, road trips, angst, brother bonding, and Jensen Ackles? Yeah, I was there.
I stopped watching Supernatural after fifth season, though. I was already struggling some with the show — the whole “is he evil/is he good/I might have to kill him” blah blah blah started getting a little old in third season for me, so sometimes watching this show felt a bit like a chore, as much as I loved certain elements. (Read: Castiel.) And while I wasn’t fully satisfied with how fifth season ended, it certainly felt like the story had wrapped and the series had stopped where it was supposed to. So when I started watching sixth season, it just . . . felt off, inauthentic, I guess. And the brothers still didn’t trust each other. And I was like, eh. I’m out. I’ll watch the rest of the show once it’s wrapped.
Mind you, I thought that would happen after one year, maybe two. I didn’t expect the show to still be going in its ninth season.
7. Grey’s Anatomy
“Rule number one: don’t bother sucking up. I already hate you. That’s not going to change.”
“You are eight feet tall. You boobs are perfect. You hair is down to there. If I was you, I wouldn’t have a job. I wouldn’t have any skills. I wouldn’t even know how to read. I would just be . . . naked.”
“Are you really as shallow and callous as you seem?”
“Oh, you want to go out later and hear about my secret pain?”
Oh, Grey’s Anatomy. You are my ultimate love/hate, on/off show. (It’s currently . . . sort of on. I gave up on it — again — last year, but a subplot I’ve been wanting to see for years finally came into fruition, so I’m watching long enough to see that wrapped up. And then I’ll probably quit watching it again.)
There’s been a lot of talent on this cast over the past ten years, some amazing scenes, and a lot of pretty awesome monologues. (Ellen Pompeo gets a lot of shit, but I don’t think she’s anywhere near as bad of an actress as people make her out to be. And her “You don’t get to call me a whore” speech? Still kind of awesome.) But there have unfortunately been a lot of repetitive and highly unnecessary monologues and a few awful plot developments, specifically characters who should never have gotten together. (Can I be honest? I hated the ghost sex stuff just like everyone else, but George and Izzie as a couple? Actually hated that even more.)
“I feel like I let Mr. Rad down.”
“No, he let himself down by coming in this morning wearing a sweater vest.”
“I’ll explain later!”
“I’ll EXPLAIN LATER!”
“The explanation isn’t the issue!”
“You are the AT&T of people.”
I’ve talked quite a bit about how much I love Community, so I won’t go over all that again here. I will say that I’m trying not to get my hopes for the next season, whenever it actually airs. With Dan Harmon in and Chevy Chase out, I’m looking forward to it . . . but we’ll see. I have some concerns. And Donald Glover’s only going to be in, what? Seven episodes? Eight? It makes me so sad.
Maybe I’ll just watch the Law & Order parody episode again. That always makes me happy. Honestly, the exchange above about kisses and explanations? Possibly one of my favorite moments on Community ever. I laughed so hard the first time I saw that. You go, Quendra with a Q-U.
“I figure people are entitled to their hobbies, and I’m entitled to find those people creepy.”
“That’s my bottle. I’m not going to let you drink it all just because your daddy didn’t hug you much when you were little.”
“I would like a young Gerard Depardieu to play me in the movie.”
I posted quotes for twelve different shows in this challenge. Almost every show was accurately guessed by somebody. Only two went unsolved. One of the shows only lasted two seasons and has been off-air for over ten years. The other show was Justified.
And now I am sad all over again.
But it’s okay, Justified. I will always love you. I will always know that you have featured some of the very best heroes, antiheroes, and villains, that your dialogue is exceptional, that your supporting cast is brilliant, and that Raylan and Boyd have the very best bromance/frenemy relationship ever. You almost certainly won’t get any more Emmys, but you will always have my heart.
10. Dark Angel
“I mean, why consummate two years of unbridled passion when we can have pasta?”
“Well, it’s just that sometimes I wish I was more of a free spirit. It must be nice to be a happy-go-lucky sociopath. I kind of envy you.”
“You got an itch, go scratch. It ain’t got to be all complicated either. The male mind understands the difference between love and sex. Sketchy, come here.”
“I want to get busy with you.”
“But I want you to forget about it as soon as it’s over.”
“Yeah, no problem.”
“Don’t be following me around all moo-eyed and ‘baby, I love you’.”
“Yeah, whatever you say.”
“See? No complications.”
This is the show that first introduced me to Jensen Ackles, so obviously I’m grateful for that. I had a huge crush on Alec when I was, oh, 15? 16? Then Dark Angel went away, and I never saw him again . . . until I watched a promo for Supernatural however many years later and was like, Hey, isn’t that the guy I used to love from that one show with Jessica Alba? And lo and behold, it was.
Dark Angel was not a perfect show, and its second season was particularly rocky. Regardless, it had started to improve quite a bit, and I was getting really into it again when the show was abruptly cancelled. Even after all these years, it still kind of bothers me. For all its faults, Dark Angel knew how to do a season finale. These were big game changing episodes, and I wish I could have seen where the third season would have gone.
Admittedly, the Max/Logan “we can’t touch or Logan dies” disease was contrived bullshit. Maybe they would have finally solved that shit and put it far, far behind them.
11. Star Trek: Voyager
“When a bomb starts talking about itself in the third person, I get worried.”
“Use grandiose language. He likes to be called sire. And it helps if you say things like, ‘The clever fiendishness of your evil plan is brilliant!’”
“You’re a woman, Seven.”
“Is that an observation or a diagnosis?”
Do you people have any idea how hard it is to find three good quotes from this show? It’s not that all the dialogue is worthless — it’s that practically every good line seems to reference the holodeck or Klingons or the Federation or warp speed. Which I guess would have worked for a “Guess the Star Trek” Quote Game, but not as well here.
Anyway. This was a hugely flawed show with so much missed potential, but it’s also a childhood favorite, so it’s always going to have a place in my heart . . . even if I’m still weeping over the bullshit Seven-Chakotay romance or the sheer mediocrity of that series finale. By the way, did you guys read that there’s been at least some semi-serious talk about a new Trek show on television? I’d actually love to see one for a few different reasons, but if it actually happens, I think we seriously need to up our game on just about everything — budget, dialogue, acting, etc.
I’m totally okay with an optimistic Star Trek show, but I think we’re well past the age of low-budget, super cheesy Trek.
12. Justice League
“I’m not really a people person. But when you need help — and you will — call me.”
“I’ll be able to go into your brain, even if you’re awake.”
“My brain’s not a nice place to be.”
“Standard interrogation technique. I was bad cop.”
“You’re always bad cop.”
“Why play against type?”
I’m actually still watching this show (well, Justice League: Unlimited, anyway) for the first time on Netflix, but I’ve been really enjoying it so far. My favorite thing to do is to guess the guest actors’ voices because I don’t think there’s been a single episode thus far where I’ve looked up the cast and not recognized anybody.
Obviously Batman’s my favorite because — say it with me — KEVIN CONROY IS THE BEST, but Flash is enjoyable enough, and Hawkgirl is pretty awesome. She’s made my list of possible Dragon Con costumes. (Other people on the list: Helena from Orphan Black, Morticia Addams from The Addams Family, and a girl version of Boss Solomon Grundy from Justice League: Unleashed.)
It’s funny. I’m totally obsessed with The Avengers and all the upcoming movies leading up to The Avengers: Age of Ultron, but when it comes to cartoons, I’m almost exclusively a DC girl all the way. (X-Men cartoons have so far been the only serious exception.) Maybe I should try to switch it up a bit and give Earth’s Mightiest Heroes a whirl.
I guess that’s it, folks. Thanks for playing!