Coming Soon-Ish: X-Men, Cheerleaders, and Tom Hiddleston as a Mopey Vampire

X-Men: Days of Future Past

So . . . I don’t know.

I mean, I’ll see it. There are a few things going in its favor: Bryan Singer back in the director’s chair, Michael Fassbender, Peter Dinklage, and just the general apocalyptic future stuff. (I like apocalypses. The fashion’s always more interesting.) But this is supposedly the movie that will heal the gigantic continuity issues between all of the X-Men movies, and even with time travel, I don’t quite see how that’s possible. (Like, how is Xavier alive right now? Why didn’t he ever comment on Mystique apparently being his adopted sister in X-Men and X2? How were Cyclops and Emma Frost even teenagers together in Wolverine: Origins? The list goes on.)

Plus . . . look, I know everyone loves Wolverine. I love Wolverine. But I’d be way more interested in this story if it wasn’t just Wolverine going back in time. Because one, team dynamics are more interesting, two, I was kind of hoping it would be Bishop and his giant gun, and three, why is it Wolverine going back by his lonesome again? What, do his adamantium claws secretly have the power to tear away the bitterness from young Xavier’s and Magneto’s hearts or something?

I am mostly hoping this movie finds a way to retcon Cyclop’s death from The Last Stand. I kind of doubt it, and yet I hope. Because seriously. That was bullshit.

Only Lovers Left Alive

I’ve only watched one Jim Jarmusch film — yes, yes, blasphemy — and I seem to recall having mixed feelings about it at the time, but I must say this one looks . . . interesting. Cause, you know, vampires. Also: Tilda Swinton, Tom Hiddleston, Mia Wasikowska, Anton Yelchin, and John Hurt. I can’t say I got much sense of the actual plot from this trailer — which I guess doesn’t really surprise me, considering — but the film itself looks lovely and hugely atmospheric. I’d probably rent this one.

Winter’s Tale

Good God, this looks hideously schmaltzy.

Winter’s Tale is an adaptation of what’s apparently a very beloved fantasy book from the 1980’s. I clearly haven’t read it, so I can’t offer an opinion on the translation. But this trailer . . . look, we start in Romance Trope Land with our redemptive thief hero and his dying girlfriend — which, blah — and then it gets kind of interesting when our hero appears to wander into modern day NYC — only he has, like, magical amnesia? But his eyes well up with tears when he sees the picture of his lost love? And thankfully he has another attractive woman to help him discover the mystery behind it all? Maybe this wouldn’t seem so terrible if it wasn’t set to such hideously sweeping music and intercut with phrases like “Between love and destiny” and “MIRACLES CAN HAPPEN.”

Damn. When I heard there was a trailer about an alternate timeline New York with gangs and magic and flying horses, I was so excited.

That excitement is dead now.

The Raid 2: Berandal

This is really just a teaser and doesn’t give much in the way of plot, but I enjoyed the hell out of The Raid (which is kind of like Dredd, but with less Karl Urban and more martial arts), so I wanted to check it out. It definitely seems like a bigger movie than its predecessor, which could either be a good or a bad thing, depending. There still appear to be a lot of awesome fight scenes and unrepentant violence, though. Which, yay.

I’d love to see a longer trailer to get a better feel for this one.

And finally . . . All Cheerleaders Die

Um, Lucky McKee? Undead cheerleaders? Hilariously colorful special effects? Revenge?

I’m in.

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4 Responses to Coming Soon-Ish: X-Men, Cheerleaders, and Tom Hiddleston as a Mopey Vampire

  1. fatpie42 says:

    ZOMG there’s finally a trailer for “All Cheerleaders Die”? YAY! I am soooo stoked for that movie. Looks AWESOME!

    Did you not see the after-credits scene in X-Men 3? Xavier transferred his consciousness to that man in the hospital he briefly mentioned during the film. According to internet geeks it was his twin brother (conveniently).

    • Oh, I’d seen the clip, but I thought it was just some guy. I didn’t realize it was supposed to be his twin, maybe because that’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Ugh. I mean, the sheer convenience of the identical twin brother who’s never been mentioned in any of the films . . . Jesus. I didn’t think I could possibly hate that movie any more than I already did.

      I’m going to have a cookie now and attempt to distract myself from my disgust.

  2. Teacups says:

    I was in for All Cheerleaders Die as soon as you mentioned Lucky McKee.

    I don’t know how to feel about Caitlin Stacey – I didn’t think she was all that great in Tomorrow When The War Began, but then she’s been much better in this show called Please Like Me. She gives a nice casual, naturalistic performance, and I think she’s a fair part of what makes the character likable, since her storyline was IMO the biggest weak point of the show. But, uh, this role looks like it’ll be a little different to that one. So yeah, I don’t know.

    • The only thing I’ve seen Caitlin Stacey in is Tomorrow When The War Began. I didn’t like her very much there either, but she had a couple of okay moments and it’s not like the writing in that movie was amazing, either. So I’d have to see her in more things to get an idea.

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