Coming Soon-Ish: Maleficent, Noah, and PSYCH THE MUSICAL!

Maleficent

Well, it’s a teaser. And — as is the case with many teasers — I don’t have really have a good sense of the movie yet, so it’s hard for me to get truly excited. I will say, though, that Angelina Jolie looks great as Maleficent. I don’t know if she’ll actually be great — hopefully, this won’t turn out like Charlize Theron as the Wicked Queen — but I do have some hope. It does seem like a pretty amazing casting job.

I can’t help but wonder, though, if our Sleeping Beauty is going to be as boring as she appears. Not like Sleeping Beauty is an intensely interesting character or anything, but if no one bothers to write her a personality, the entire audience might end up rooting for Maleficent to win. Which (unfortunately) is unlikely, considering this is Disney and all.

Noah

I gotta be honest: epic biblical movies aren’t really my cup of cocoa, you know what I mean? I might watch this eventually — the cinematography looks pretty great, and I would really like to watch Emma Watson in more things — but the story of Noah isn’t what I’d call an upper, and my interest just really isn’t there. Of course, the draw for a lot of people is probably director Darren Aronofsky, but I haven’t seen very many of his films yet, not even Black Swan. (I’m still having trouble working up the desire to see it.) His only film I HAVE seen is The Fountain, which . . . yeah, not exactly my cup of cocoa either. Not even my can of soda. I’d say it’s more like my glass of orange juice that someone will eventually force me to drink because it’s “good for me.”

Boo. I’d rather drink my carbonated sugar acid, thanks.

Heaven is For Real

I take it all back. I would watch Noah 27 times in a row before I watched this movie.

Greg Kinnear, why? Why won’t you act in movies I actually want to see? And Margo Martindale, come on. What are you even doing in this?

I’m rarely a big fan of anything that’s ‘Inspired by a True Story,’ but this one . . . man, this looks to win the fucking PRIZE of Schmaltz Trailers. Ugh. No, no, thank you.

Machete Kills Again . . . in Space

Okay, this isn’t even a real trailer . . . well, not yet . . . but I decided to post it anyway, mostly to cheer myself up after watching that bullshit trailer above. Seriously, Heaven is FOR REAL? That’s your title?

Sigh. Anyway, this is fun, assuming you’re into these kind of fake grindhouse trailers. I’m just going to keep saying, “It’s all galactic and shit,” over and over to myself. That will make me feel better.

And finally . . . Psych the Musical

Because I still needed cheering up.

This sneak peek or whatever has been online for months, but since the episode itself is airing in a few weeks, I decided to post it here. If you don’t watch Psych, well, I don’t suppose you’re going to care about a musical episode that references seven seasons worth of silly things you won’t recognize, but I’m still pretty excited. More tap-dancing, please!

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8 Responses to Coming Soon-Ish: Maleficent, Noah, and PSYCH THE MUSICAL!

  1. Teacups says:

    I liked Black Swan and The Wrestler a lot, The Fountain not so much, Reqiuem For A Dream I’m determined to subject myself to eventually, but something just feels off about the trailer for Noah. I don’t think epic biblical stories are my cup of cocoa either, with the emphasis on epic. If this is a personal story about how Noah must’ve felt during that entire adventure? Sure. But man, every line of dialogue in the trailer just sounds like something that was written for the trailer. There are no… little moments, even the bits that are supposed to be. And then the rest of the trailer looks like The Day After Tomorrow: Biblical Edition. I don’t know if I articulated any of that particularly well, sorry, so I hope I got my meaning across.

    Heaven Is For Real… Well, it looks a religious movie that can only appeal to religious people, by patting them on the back for believing in the first place. And that whole trailer isn’t doing anything, really, except marvelling at the idea that, holy cow, this kid was in heaven! I still don’t know what the actual story would be – unless “Holy cow, this kid was in heaven!” seriously is the entire story, which would be incredibly boring, because we already know that.

    That stupid trailer is making me want to watch Millions again, with its very matter-of-fact treatment of its child protagonist’s ability to talk to saints.

    • I think you nailed it with the emphasis on “epic”. If it was a small personal story about Noah, I’d be much more interested. But this seems . . . almost boring. It looks like it’s trying so hard to be BIG that it’s missing, I don’t know, personality? (And ha, The Day After Tomorrow: Biblical Edition. Love.)

      Heaven is for Real . . . I suppose the story will first have to do with how the dad doesn’t believe and how the marriage is strained, and then it will become how the town doesn’t believe, and the family is being ostracized and whatnot, but then father will make an impassioned speech and miracle kid will do something so the town realizes they were wrong all along, and we’re all happy at the end, la la la. Again, a story where a kid comes back to life and starts talking about all the things he saw in the afterlife could totally be interesting, but this just looks so Inspirational, capital I, I want to vomit.

      Hmm, Millions sounds neat. I’ll have to go look it up.

  2. Charles says:

    “Greg Kinnear, why? Why won’t you act in movies I actually want to see?”

    Have you seen Auto Focus and/or The Matador? I thought those were both terrific. Kinnear’s so sincere and good at playing it straight that when given any kind of subversive material, he really delivers.

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