“Since This is Our First Experience With Demonic Ninjas, We’re Thinking We Should Play it Safe.”

All right, folks. I have finally caught up — this is the last Teen Wolf recap you will be subjected to until summer, when Season 4 comes out.

stiles kills oni 2

Also, in case you were wondering? Season 3B has easily been my favorite season to date.


All the SPOILERS here, people.


When Scott, Stiles, and Allison temporarily sacrificed themselves to the Nemeton in order to save their parents, they accidentally opened a door inside their minds . . . leaving them vulnerable for something else to sneak inside.


1. As I’ve said, repeatedly and with much enthusiasm, Stiles is the absolute best. And clearly everyone on the show has also come to that conclusion because Season 3B is absolutely Stiles’s season, what with him seemingly going crazy and then getting possessed by an evil trickster fox spirit.

void stiles 2

Everything about this is awesome. Everything.

But to break that into some specifics? (Fair warning: this could take 1/4 the recap.)

A. All of Stiles’s dreams and hallucinations are made of surreal win.

wake up

In the first few episodes of the season, Stiles is having all these dreams within dreams that get so persistent and weird that he starts losing the ability to tell when he’s awake from when he’s asleep. I am an unabashed fan of surreal nightmares, and some of these are pretty great. (The door imagery stuff alone is pretty awesome.) The creepiest one is probably the waking dream when everyone in Stiles’s class starts simultaneously signing at him. I know that doesn’t sound particularly creepy, but it really is. It is especially strange to see Coach in a scene where he’s not the wacky comic relief, if only for six seconds.

I feel like I should also mention that Stiles’s terror is almost palpable in some of these moments. Offhand, the scene that comes to mind is when he wakes up bleeding and trapped in a strange basement and calls Scott for help — he’s basically whimpering over the phone as he tries to describe where he is and who (or what) is down there with him. (I’m simplifying, a little, because it turns out that Stiles is not actually in a basement at all — he’s dreaming all of this and has managed to sleepwalk his way into an abandoned coyote den. The scene where Rafe and Melissa McCall find him is also excellent — Dylan O’Brien has to do a LOT of screaming this season, and he’s disturbingly effective at it.)

B. Void Stiles is made up of EPIC TRICKSTER WIN.

void stiles 1

The truth is, I’m wildly attracted to fictional, evil, laughing bad boys, so Stiles getting possessed by the Nogitsune is basically the best gift this show could have given me, ever. I liked pretty much everything about this, from the reveal scene —

stiles kills oni

— to the moment where he’s twisting a sword in his best friend’s stomach —


— to any time he manipulates the others into doing what he wants.


Oh, this show made me so happy this season.

To briefly go back to the scene where Stiles is torturing Scott — one of the reasons this moment is so effective is because O’Brien delivers a lot of his lines in this really understated way. (Not in every scene, mind. There’s an episode later where, if the actor’s not drawing cues from Heath Ledger’s performance in The Dark Knight, I would be honestly surprised.) Like just the simple way he says “it’s okay” or “hey, look at me” — these are easily the creepiest things he says in the whole scene because it’s just so casual, like Stiles isn’t literally twisting a blade through his best friend’s guts. It’s awesome stuff.

C. Void Stiles vomiting up Real Stiles is the very best what-the-fuckery that money can buy.


So, Scott and Lydia go inside Stiles’s mind in hopes of freeing him and giving him back control over his body. They do manage to find him, and back in the real world, Stiles starts pulling a long rope of bandages out of his mouth. The bandages start coalescing into the Nogitsune, which freaks everyone out. But when Scott thinks to unwrap the bandages, who do they find but Real Stiles. Meanwhile, Void Stiles has taken this moment of confusion to kidnap Lydia and run away.

I don’t know if there’s any way for this scene to make logical sense, and weirdly, I don’t know if I need it to. It is deliciously bizarre. It is the kind of weird shit you would expect out of David Lynch, and I love it. Also, it’s totally fueling my first Teen Wolf fanfiction. (Oh yeah, I wasn’t kidding about that before. I am absolutely working on a fanfiction now instead of working on stories that can actually make me money. Look, it’s a labor of love, all right?)

2. Let’s briefly — if only briefly — leaves Stiles alone for a minute to discuss Allison, and how killing her off is a pretty bold move.


Admittedly, it’s true that Allison and Scott haven’t been together since Season 2, but it’s also true that this show was set up around their Romeo and Juliet style romance, and as much as I enjoy Kira — more on her in a bit — I always figured that these two would get back together by the end of the show. And while technically, they still could — it’s not like we haven’t had resurrections on Teen Wolf before — I feel like that isn’t the game plan here, maybe because those resurrections have, so far, been primarily reserved for villains. In which case, if Allison does stay dead . . . it’s a pretty big deal. It’d be like killing off Angel at the end of BTVS, Season 2 . . . and then having him stay dead.

Season 3B has easily been the darkest Teen Wolf season so far, and I’m VERY curious to see how they follow that up in a few months.

3. In past reviews, I’ve talked a lot about how awesome Scott’s mom and Stiles’s dad are. I have failed, however, to mention how much I also like Allison’s dad, Chris Argent.


And dude, I feel so bad for Chris Argent here. His sister, Kate, turned out to be a psychopath in the first season and was revenge-murdered by Peter. Then Derek bit Chris’s wife, and she chose to kill herself rather than become a werewolf, only she couldn’t do it alone, so she begged Chris to help her. Then Chris’s father turned out to be just as big of a psychopath as Kate was, and he basically tried to sacrifice both Chris and Allison in his big master plan to get bit by an Alpha werewolf. And now Chris’s one and only child has been killed. I just . . . I want to hug Chris Argent so bad.

JR Bourne does a fine job with the role, and all the stuff with him immediately after Allison’s death, having to compartmentalize and taking charge while all the kids flounder around . . . it is brutal, amazing stuff. Assuming Bourne comes back this summer — because this show does like to drop characters in between seasons — I really hope Chris Argent gets something to smile about, like, I don’t know, a puppy or something. I’m aware that a puppy will hardly make up for his psychopathic family and the loss his wife and daughter, but . . . look, it’s all I can come up with, all right?

4. What Chris is actually going to get, though, is the less-than-spectacular news that his previously assumed dead sister is actually quite alive.


Of course, when I say less-than-spectacular news, I mean for him. Personally, I’m totally overjoyed for me. I liked the hell out of Kate back in Season 1, so I’m totally happy to see her back as a . . . blue-faced were-thing? Whatever, I’ll take it. Of course, I’m not actually sure what the Argent family buried in her grave back in Season 2, but I guess I’ll figure that out come this June. (Probably. This show is stupid sometimes when it comes to explaining things. Like, I wasn’t exactly broken up that Cora left Beacon Hills to go be the queen on Reign, but I do object to not finding out where she’s supposed to have gone for six episodes. Especially when the season is only twelve episodes long, and the creators finally choose to deliver this exposition in what’s basically an ‘As you know’ moment. Assholes.)

5. This season also introduced a new character and love interest for our hero: Kira Yukimira.


Kira’s kind of awesome. She has that sort of cute adorkability going for her that makes her a pretty good match for Scott, and she’s also a total badass with the whole thunder kitsune thing, not to mention the swordplay and the ability to walk through all sorts of electricity. Plus, you just kind of have to feel for Kira after her dad publicly (and hilariously) embarrasses her, not once, but twice at school. Supposedly, Mr. Yukimira isn’t any kind of trickster spirit — unlike Kira and her mother — but I have my suspicions. That man is mischievous. And adorable.

6. One of the most surprising and awesome things about Teen Wolf — the show has not wasted a lot of time on unnecessarily angsty love triangles. Like, there ARE love triangles: they set up the Scott/Allison/Issac one in Season 3A, and then complicated things by throwing Kira into the mix in Season 3B, but instead of offering up a lot of whining and melodrama, the show has mostly kept it light, allowing the teenagers to behave relatively *gasp* maturely, and keeping the small amount of tension between Scott and Issac funny rather than frustrating and stupid. It makes for a welcome change.

Of course, Allison’s dead now and Issac’s left the show, so perhaps the show will shift focus to a Stiles/Lydia/Malia love triangle? Although, really, I hope not. I’m still trying to warm up to Malia, although she isn’t horrible, and to be fair, it took me a while to warm up to both Lydia and Allison too. Malia has potential. It’s just . . .

7. . . I’d be a lot more interested in a Stiles/Lydia/Danny triangle, to be honest, because we need to continue our discussion from Season 3A about the possibility of Stiles being bisexual.

stiles caitlin

So, there’s a scene in this episode — I call it the Rave Episode — where this girl Caitlin kisses Stiles, and Stiles is surprised because he thought Caitlin was a lesbian. So, he goes to clarify, and . . . you know what, let me just give you the dialogue:

Stiles: “I thought you liked girls.”
Caitlin: “I do like girls. Do you?”
Stiles: “Absolutely.”
Caitlin: “Great.”
Stiles: “So you also like boys?”
Caitlin: “Absolutely. Do you?”
Stiles: “. . .”

And then the conversation stops because Caitlin starts kissing him again.

Now, there’s two ways to read Stiles’s hesitation at the end of the scene. The first is that he’s just surprised at the question, and that’s all there is to it. Which is a totally valid interpretation of the scene and is still kind of awesome because, once again, Stiles completely fails to react the way 98% of male characters on TV would probably act, namely, freak out and frantically protest that he likes girls, only girls, girls all the time, yo, and no boys allowed. But there has also been enough hints and nudges at Stiles’s sexuality throughout the show to suggest the possibility that when Stiles pauses, he’s actually considering his answer, and that’s actually pretty cool too. In fact, it’s absolutely something that I’d love the show to develop further in Season 4. Not that they need to label it, exactly — I don’t actually need Stiles to come to any certain decisions — but I like the idea of having a teenage character on TV openly questioning his sexuality, and Stiles seems like a good fit for that.

My honest guess is that, ultimately, the show won’t go in this direction with Stiles and we’ll never get more than the occasional ambiguous hint. But I’d be totally okay being wrong. And if they do go there, Stiles and Derek are still never going to be a thing, sorry, shippers. But I sincerely hope the two characters have more interaction next season because they surprisingly didn’t have much screen time together in 3B.

8. In fact, my biggest problem with this season is that Derek’s storyline, particularly when he and Peter are being interrogated by hunters and all, felt kind of off-balance with the rest of the plot. Also, isn’t Peter going to reveal himself as a villain yet? That was kind of how we ended Season 3A, like it was a Big Deal, and then there was no mention of it ever again. Of course, Gerard is still presumably alive in his nursing home, and Deucalion too, is off somewhere being fiendish, so maybe Peter’s just waiting for the eventual series finale where all the villains who have improbably survived or been resurrected will have one giant Villain Battle Royale.

Also, seriously. Did we ever figure out why Deucalion had Braeden save Derek and Peter’s lives? I mean, I’m happy Braeden is alive and all — I always liked that girl for, admittedly, the one episode she was actually in — but this made absolutely no sense to me.

9. While I’m nitpicking — or pointing out outright flaws — I feel the need to engage in one of my absolute favorite television-watching activities: calling BULLSHIT on basically any scene that takes place in a hospital, ever.

mel hospital

What am I doing, working in this unit again?

For instance, it should be clear that Melissa McCall, much as I love her, is not an ER nurse as much as she’s a Super Nurse. ER nurses, you understand, mostly stick to the ER. Super Nurses, on the other hand, not only take care of their patients in the ER — they’re also scrubbed and present in the OR when those patients need surgery. Because yes. That is totally a thing that happens. Surgical nurses are actually the myth.

Also, Stiles comes into the ER at one point because he has a whole bunch of scary symptoms that might mean he’s going crazy. Melissa basically diagnoses him with insomnia (he’s slept eight hours in three days, so she’s not wrong) and sedates him so that he can actually get some well-earned sleep. On the surface, there’s nothing very wrong with that. In actuality:

A. I’d love to know what Melissa told her co-workers — because I’m pretty sure insomniacs don’t get to take up an ER bed just for eight hours of shut-eye. (Alternatively, maybe he’s not in the ER anymore — maybe he’s in a Med/Surg or Pediatrics unit. But then he’s absolutely no longer Melissa’s patient.)

B. Nurses are awesome and get to administer medicine and do all sorts of things that you need when you’re sick and/or dying. They do not, however, get to choose what medicine you take. The doctor orders the medicine, and then the nurse gives it to you — nurses who shoot up seventeen year olds with sedatives (and tell them what’s in the needle AFTERWARDS) without doctor’s orders generally get fired.

C. I don’t think the sedatives are stored in the patient rooms. Now, it should be said that I could be wrong about this: I don’t work in an ER and never have, so it’s absolutely possible that ER rooms are setup totally different than other patient rooms. (Although now that I’m rewatching the scene, this room really doesn’t look like an ER bed at all.) But . . . it seems both excessive and dangerous to have a Pyxis machine at every bedside in the ER. Although I guess I should be happy that Melissa had to at least unlock something before getting her midazolam, that it wasn’t just sitting there in a drawer or something, waiting to be used on unsuspecting teenagers.

It should be said that — for someone who just spent, like, 500 words bitching about medical inaccuracies — these things don’t very seriously bother me, or I could pretty much never watch TV again. I just enjoy complaining about them. It’s awesome to have insider information on something for once. (And I like to think Mekaela enjoys my rants when I have to pause the television and go, “Oh, NO.”)

10. On the upside, I’d like to extend a warm welcome to Deputy Parrish.


Deputy Parrish (Ryan Kelley) is another new character on this show, and he’s notable for two reasons: a, he’s funny, and b, he’s a deputy who’s lived more than two episodes. This has never before happened in the history of Teen Wolf.

It’s also heavily, HEAVILY suggested that Deputy Parrish has some kind of supernatural thing going on with him, as he was “drawn” to Beacon Hills after the Nemeton got all of its power back — so I’m definitely looking forward to finding out just what’s up with him this summer. Assuming we do find out next season. It did take us forever to find out what was going on with Lydia, after all. Speaking of . . .

11. I really enjoy all of Lydia’s banshee magic.


So we FINALLY found out last season that Lydia is a banshee, and in this universe, that means she hears a lot of spooky sounds and voices when someone is dying or in serious danger of dying. (It also means she screams a lot.) Her abilities aren’t exactly clear-cut, though, and she doesn’t always understand the signals and warnings she gets, giving all of her magic this creepy, surreal vibe that both fits in well with the season and that I just generally enjoy. I’ve got kind of a thing for strange, offbeat magic stories, and I love that she does her detective work by plucking red strings or listening to the GPS in her car when it’s not actually turned on.

12. I also continue to like how Lydia’s and Stiles’s friendship has grown.

lydia stiles trap

These two are often paired together, especially in the first half of the season, and I enjoy them a lot. At one point, Stiles has to try and convince Lydia that she shouldn’t doubt her abilities — which is something she struggles with over the course of the show — and it’s a fairly sweet moment. At another point, Lydia’s perilously close to having a bear trap snap on her ankle, and she has to reassure Stiles that he can figure out how to save her without benefit of instructions because, as she puts it, he’s too smart to bother with instructions. They’re easily the brightest members of the group, and they make a pretty awesome detective pair. (Shit. That is not an AU fanfiction idea I needed. Screw you, show, for swallowing my brain.)

13. I would like it to be said that Rafe McCall is a dick.


Okay, he’s not actually the complete and utter tool you think he is when he first appears. I do like that he’s not a total cartoon — you know, he does his job semi-decently, actually saves Stiles at one point (even though the two kind of hate each other), and eventually speaks in defense of the Sheriff, (although he IS the primary reason the Sheriff’s job is on the line in the first place). Still, he is at least a little bit of a tool, and I want it to be clear that he and Melissa McCall are not allowed to get back together under any circumstances. Even if she never ends up with Sheriff Stilinski — like she totally should — Melissa is far too good for this guy. I will throw things at my television if this ever happens.

14. A bunch of good character moments that I just haven’t had time to talk about yet:

A. Scott talks Stiles down from a panic attack

scott panic

Okay, so I basically always like it when someone has to talk Stiles down from a panic attack. That is pretty much always going to be a thing that I enjoy. But I really do like this scene when Scott gets Stiles to realize that he’s awake and not dreaming. (He does this by having Stiles count his fingers — because apparently you have extra fingers in dreams? The hell? Ever since I finished watching this season, I’ve been desperate to have a dream where I realize I’m dreaming, just so I can look down and try to count my fingers. It hasn’t happened for me yet.)

B. The Sheriff trying not to openly laugh as Rafe tries to get straight answers out of the kids.

sheriff laughing

Just because it’s nice to see the Sheriff engage in some subtle, petty revenge. He was totally in Rafe’s position for the last few seasons, but now that he’s in the know, he can at least take some pleasure in the frustration of the man who’s trying to get him fired.

C. The Sheriff freaks out when Stiles commits himself to a 72 hour hold at a mental institution.

sheriff asylum

Okay, first, I should say that I never bought Stiles going to Eichen House in the first place. At this point, he knows that the Nogitsune has partially taken over his brain, and I get that Stiles is trying to keep himself locked away where he can’t hurt his friends, I do. Unfortunately, if the fox takes over again (and spoilers, he will), that doesn’t mean the other patients he’s locked in with will be safe from him. Here’s a thought: maybe Stiles should be looked after by people who actually know what Nogitsunes are.

Okay, rant over. Point is, the Sheriff takes Stiles to Eichen House to get committed but then starts having a bit of a meltdown when it’s actually happening. It’s super sad and sweet, too, when the Sheriff fixates on the fact that Stiles won’t be able to sleep without his pillow, and Stiles has to kind of gently remind him that he hasn’t really slept in weeks anyway. It’s a very good scene — I just wish I bought the reason they were there in the first place.

D. Melissa tells Scott to be his own anchor.


At the beginning of the season, Scott is having trouble controlling his emotions, which is making him wolf out at inopportune times. In the past, he’s used Allison as his anchor against going all Big Bad Wolf, but now that Allison’s shacking up with his wolf buddy, Scott feels all, like, adrift and shit. And Melissa, being the awesome mom that she is, tells him that Allison is not the only girl he’ll ever love, that he will fall in love again and again, and until he does, he needs to be his own anchor. Which is a message that I really like, relying on oneself, and would be happy to see more of in fiction in general.

E. Sleepy Stiles accidentally calls Melissa ‘Mom’.

mel stilesstiles mel

Oh, this scene. Okay. Melissa has sedated Stiles, as we’ve already discussed, and Stiles — just on the verge of unconsciousness — slips out a “Thanks, Mom,” which is, of course, all heartbreaking because Stiles’s mom is dead. The look on Melissa’s face . . . man, the whole scene is such an AW moment. I would totally be in favor of these two having more scenes together in the future. I’m kind of a sucker for “second-mom” or “like-a-son-to-me” relationships.

F. Scott insinuates that he’ll cure Stiles by turning him into a werewolf.


So, Stiles’s mom died of this kind of super early onset dementia that basically caused parts of her brain to atrophy, and a lot of Stiles’s symptoms seem to be mirroring his mother’s diagnosis. When he goes for an MRI, he and Scott hug it out, and Scott tells him,”If you have it, we’ll do something. I’ll do something.” Which could just be a generic ‘I’ll find some way to save you’ statement, but the unspoken emphasis to me seemed to suggest that Scott was offering to turn Stiles into a werewolf. (Because being a werewolf cures all that shit. No asthma, epilepsy, or dementia for the wolf-kids.)

I should say that I actually have absolutely no interest in Stiles ever becoming a werewolf and really hope the show never goes that way. On the other hand, I want to see Magic Stiles so bad I can taste it. Stiles absolutely should get his Druid on next season and become emissary-in-training for the McCall Werewolf Pack.

G. Hospital Slaughter is set to “Bad Moon Rising”.

Okay, fine. This is less of a character moment than just a fun scene, but there’s a bunch of slow-motion demonic ninja action, and who doesn’t like that? Besides, I’m totally into this cover of “Bad Moon Rising.” Chaos all the way!

15. I initially wasn’t going to mention the opening credits in this review — 3B’s big change was that everything had a red tint, which was admittedly funny but not, like, Levitating Werewolf funny — but I changed my mind after the Rave Episode when they sped up the theme music for a whole techno remix that was kind of awesome. It is one of my favorite things in the world, when shows switch up their opening credits to match what’s going on in their episode — I always enjoy when Person of Interest does this, and Psych used to do it all the time to hilarious effect.

The only sad thing here is that I kind of missed the rave music once it was gone. Sadface.

16. Finally, the show ends with the best revelation. No, not that Kate is back, although that’s cool — no, it turns out that Danny’s known about werewolves all along, or at least, for a little while now, because he knows that he’s been dating one.

danny ethan

Ha. That’s awesome. Love you, Danny Boy.


Mr. Yukimura (to Kira, and directly in front of Scott): “You forgot all the research you did for that boy you like.”

Scott: “If that’s you, you’d have to be like 90 years old.”
Mrs. Yukimura: “Closer to 900.”
Kira: “Okay, sure, why not. Dad, how old are you?”
Mr. Yukimura: “43. But I’ve been told I look mid-thirties.”

Miss Morell: “It’s called a Lichtenberg figure. They appear in lightning strike victims. The fact that they’re appearing on you after a shot of wolf lichen is both significant and strange.”
Stiles: “By significant and strange, do you mean hopeful and optimistic?”

Miss Morell: “If your friends haven’t figured out something by the time those marks are gone, I’ll come find you.”
Stiles: “To tell me what to do?”
Miss Morell: “No, to give you an injection. Pancuronium Bromide. It causes respiratory paralysis.”
Stiles: “That sounds a lot like death.”
Miss Morell: “It’s used for lethal injection, yes.”
Stiles: “So when the Nogitsune takes over, you’re going to kill me?”
Miss Morell: “I’m going to do what I’ve always done. Maintain the balance.”
Stiles: “Okay then. I’ve missed our talks. Thanks for the illicit drugs.”

Kira: “Okay, stop. Just stop. We don’t want to hear your Casablanca story.”

Mr. Yukimura: “Sometimes, history does repeat itself, Scott.”
Scott: “Only if you don’t learn.”

(after patient commits suicide)
Administrator: “The accident that occurred is being taken care of.”
Stiles: “You’re seriously referring to that as an accident?”
Administrator: “Incident.”
Stiles: “Slightly better. Still need to use the phone.”

Oliver: “That’s Gary. He thinks he’s Jesus Christ. Dan. Also Jesus. That’s Mary –”
Stiles: “Mary Magdalene?”
Oliver: “No, she also think she’s Jesus. You’d be surprised how many Jesuses we get.”

Mr. Yukimura: “I’ll be taking over for your previous history teacher. My family and I moved here three weeks ago. I’m sure by now you all know my daughter, Kira, or you might not since she’s never actually mentioned anyone from school or brought home a friend, for that matter.”
(Kira, sitting in the back of class, thunks her head into her desk.)
Mr. Yukimura (pointing): “Either way, there she is.”

Mr. Yukimura: “I thought you said you wanted to make friends.”
Kira: “Not like that.”
Mr. Yukimura: “You said you wanted to be noticed.”
Kira: “I could set myself on fire and be noticed.”
Mr. Yukimura: “Well, then you’d be dead.”
Kira: “Exactly.”

Allison: “But you want something in return.”
Peter: “No, I’m dedicating my life to helping out narcissistic teenage girls. Of course I want something in return.”

Deputy Parrish: “Jared, it would be very helpful if you could resist throwing up on the potential explosive device.”

Jared: “You — you look really –”
Deputy Parrish: “Handsome. Thank you. For a second there, I thought you were going to say I look really young, and I was going to have to launch into my explanation of how I’m actually 24, and how anyone can look young if they eat right and exercise, although it’s probably just good genes anyway, right?”

Malia: “What does it mean?”
Stiles: “Self.”
Malia: “. . . maybe you should tell me more?”

Stiles: “Was that your first kiss?”
(Malia doesn’t say anything)
Stiles: “Was it okay?”
(Malia nods)
Stiles: “You wanna try it again?”
(Malia nods)

Lydia’s Mom: “He gave me his card.”
Lydia: “Mom. This is a piece of paper with a phone number written on it.”
Lydia’s Mom: “I know. Still got it.”

Coach: “Class starts in five minutes. Just because there’s no power, don’t expect there to be no school.”
Stiles: “Hey, that was a triple negative. Very impressive, Coach.”
Coach: “Copy that.”

Stiles: “Sometimes your mind can wake up before your body does, so for a split second you’re actually aware that your body’s paralyzed.”
Scott: “And that’s the terrifying part?”
Stiles: “It turns your dream into a nightmare. You can feel like you’re falling, like you’re being strangled, or in my case, like you’re in the center of a grove with magical trees where human sacrifices took place.”

Mr. Yukimura: “Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
Kira: “Are you quoting Samuel Beckett to me?”
Mr. Yukimura: “I thought that was Yoda.”

Sheriff: “Lydia wasn’t on the chessboard!”
Stiles: “She is now.”
Sheriff: “Kanima?”
Stiles: “Banshee.”

Lydia: “What do the different colored strings mean?”
Stiles: “Oh, they’re just different stages of the investigation. So like green is solved, yellow is to be determined, blue is just pretty.”
Lydia: “What does red mean?”
Stiles: “Uh, unsolved.”
Lydia: “You only have red on the board.”
Stiles: “Yes, I’m aware, thank you.”

Scott: “You didn’t steal these, did you?”
Stiles: “No. I just cloned them using an RFID emulator.”
Scott: “Is that worse than stealing?”
Stiles: “. . . it’s smarter.”

Kira: “You didn’t tell him, did you? About the pictures?”
Scott: “Oh, no. I just told him you had some pictures on your phone you didn’t want anyone to see.”
Kira: “What kind of pictures?”
Scott: “. . . naked pictures.”
Kira: “Oh. Good idea.”

Stiles: “Now I’ll text you if anyone comes out, but Scott, if you get caught, I can’t help you. My dad’s under investigation for impeachment cause of your dad, so if anything happens, I will run and leave you both for dead.”

Lydia: “If I wanted to go to a rave, I’d get into a time machine and go back to the 90’s.”

Allison: “Do you want to talk about Scott, or do you want to paint my body?”

Deputy Parrish: “Sheriff, I’m not kidding. This thing’s a few watts away from being a lightsaber.”

Rafe McCall: “Where is everyone? We get a lead on our sword-wielding maniac?”
Deputy Parrish: “Nope, but we’ve got posters up all over town for your guy.”
(Deputy Parrish indicates the wanted posters behind him, which appear to be drawings of Zorro and a samurai.)

Rafe McCall: “How did you know he’d take her to a power station?”
Stiles: “Well, cause he was an electrical engineer. So, where else would he take her?”
Rafe McCall: “That’s one hell of a deduction there, Stiles.”
Stiles: “Yeah, what can I say? I take after my pops. He’s in law enforcement.”

Stiles: “What’s that?”
Sheriff: “Just, uh, files from the office.”
Stiles: “It says ‘Sheriff’s Station, Do Not Remove’.”
Sheriff: “Well, yeah, unless you’re the sheriff.”

Aiden: “Why is your mom teaching biology?”
Lydia: “Because Mr. Harris used to teach biology until his new occupation: human sacrifice.”

Aiden: “Are we even allowed to be here this late? What if security catches us?”
Lydia: “There is no security. The number of homicides in this school have seen to it that no sane person will ever take a night job here again.”

Stiles: “I know what you’re all thinking. That if this works, it might kill me too. But even if it does, you have to go through with it. Stick with the plan.”
Scott: “The plan is to save you. That’s the plan I’m going with.”

Stiles: “Scott, I don’t think you get it yet. You’re an Alpha, okay. You are the apex predator. Everyone wants you. You know, you’re like the hot girl that every guy wants.”
Scott: “I’m a hot girl?”
Stiles: “You are the hottest girl.”
Scott: “I’m a hot girl.”
Issac: “Yes, you are.”

Stiles: “No, wait a second. I know that look. That’s the ‘I know exactly what’s wrong with you and I have no idea how to fix it’ look.”

Scott: “Okay, so what happens to a person who has a near-death experience and comes out of it seeing things?”
Stiles: “And is unable to tell what’s real and not.”
Allison: “And is being haunted by demonic visions of dead relatives.”
Issac: “They’re all locked up because they’re insane.”
Stiles: “Ha-ha. Can you at least try to be helpful, please?”
Issac: “For half of my childhood, I was locked in a freezer, so being helpful is kind of a new thing for me.”
Stiles: “Are we still milking that?”
Issac: “Yeah, we’re still milking that.”

Stiles: “What is the point of him? I mean, seriously, what is his purpose, aside from his persistent negativity and the scarf. What’s up with the scarf, anyway? It’s like 65 degrees out.”

Scott: “Great. I’m an Alpha with . . . performance issues.”

Stiles: “What is it?”
Mrs. Yukimura: “Tea?”
Stiles: “What, like magic tea?”
Mrs. Yukimura: “No, chamomile.”

Issac: “Okay. Do you hate me?”
Scott: “No, of course not.”
Issac: “Do you want to hit me?”
Scott: “No.”
Issac: “I think you should hit me.”
Scott: “I don’t want to hit you.”
Issac: “Are you sure?”
Scott: “Why would I want to hit you? You didn’t do anything, did you?”
Issac: “No. No, I mean, no, um. What do you mean?”
Scott: “I mean, like, you didn’t kiss her or anything, right?”
Issac: “No. No, absolutely not, no.”
Scott: “Did you want to?”
Issac: “Oh yeah, totally.”
(Scott throws Issac into a wall.)

Melissa: “Oh, come on, you guys! This house does not have a supernatural ability to heal, so . . . stop it.”

Scott: “He’s trying to get Stiles’s dad fired.”
Rafe McCall: “That’s not true.”
Melissa: “What are you doing?”
Rafe McCall: “Conducting a case for impeachment.”
Melissa: “Sounds a lot like getting him fired.”

Kira: “I don’t know if I should go in. You’re going to tell Scott that Barrow might have used foxfire created by me to jumpstart the Nogitsune’s power inside Stiles.”
Derek: “Yeah.”
Kira: “Basically that I helped the dark spirit take control of his best friend.”
Derek: “. . . you should probably wait here.”

Aiden: “We’re dead on our own.”
Ethan: “Dead’s still better than being back in high school.”

Aiden: “So no one notices him just kidnapping her right out of the house?”
Deaton: “Most of us were concentrated on the bizarre sight of a creature materializing from out of the floor.”

Deputy Parrish: “Maybe I needed a change. I don’t really know. I guess I kind of felt drawn here. And I knew there were openings.”
Sheriff: “You know why there were openings?”

Stiles: “Hey, Coach. Thought I was in the wrong class for a sec.”
(Coach starts signing at him.)
Stiles: “Uh, okay . . . I don’t actually know sign language. Actually, I didn’t even know that you knew sign language, or that that was even . . . an elective here . . . well, this has been good. I’m probably gonna head out . . .”

Coach: “Sweetheart, sweetheart. You wanna tell me which insane asylum you escaped from?”
Danny: “Coach, insane asylum isn’t proper terminology anymore.”
Coach: “Okay, sweetheart, what nuthouse did you escape from?”

Hunter Boss: “This one will talk. This one loves the sound of his own voice.”
Peter: “You should hear me sing.”
Hunter Lackey: “We want to hear you scream.”
Peter: “No one ever wants to hear me sing.”

(Hunter Boss cuts off one of Peter’s fingers)
Hunter Boss: “Think about it. I’m only going to ask you nine more times.”

Stiles: “Until we figure out if she’s just another psychotic monster that’s going to start murdering everybody, I vote against any and all interaction.”
Scott: “What if she’s like me?”
Stiles: “That girl walked through 1.21 gigawatts of electricity. She’s not like you.”

Melissa: “Been feeling irritable?”
Stiles: “Yeah. Possibly to the point of homicide.”

Melissa: “Do you trust me?”
Stiles: “Well, you’re not holding a needle.”

Stiles: “You know if my dad’s right that means there’s another werewolf in town we haven’t met yet.”
Scott: “I know.”
Stiles: “And if turns out to be something like triplets who form into a three-headed hound of hell, I’m seriously not up for that.”

Melissa: “Sweetheart, let me tell you something no teenager ever believes, but I swear to you is the absolute truth: you fall in love more than once. It’ll happen again. It’ll be just as amazing and extraordinary as the first time, and maybe just as painful. But it’ll happen again, I promise. And until then, be your own anchor.”


One or two balance issues with Derek’s storyline, but otherwise, pretty solid season. Whoever first came up with the idea of turning Stiles into an evil trickster needs to be given a medal.


Dylan O’Brien, all the way. I might give silver to JR Bourne this season, though.




Foxes are the best.

4 thoughts on ““Since This is Our First Experience With Demonic Ninjas, We’re Thinking We Should Play it Safe.”

  1. I think Crystal Reed wanted to leave the show, thus the killing off of Allison. ‘Cause yeah, if I hadn’t heard about this long in advance, I definitely would’ve believed that she would remain the female lead and Scott’s One True Love.

    I won’t miss her and Scott’s relationship angst at all (I just hope it won’t just be replaced by Kira/Scott relationship angst) but I am a little sad about not seeing any more of her and Lydia’s friendship. Partially because I liked them, and partially because it always bugs me on these shows when members of the central gang – and this seems to especially apply to female characters – only get storylines or significant moments with their love interests. Allison and Lydia’s friendship was a pretty good step away from that issue on Teen Wolf.

    Now that Allison’s dead and Kira is Scott’s long-term love interest, I hope we get some more Kira/whoever, Lydia/Scott (Or anyone who isn’t Stiles, but I liked the little we saw of a growing friendship between Lydia and Scott in Season 3, after they were basically apathetic to one another for the first two seasons. I like her friendship with Stiles now, too. It just isn’t platonic enough to fulfill my needs.) Also Malia/anyone-but-Stiles, since she’s going to be in the Scooby Pack now.

    Finally, can I just say how refreshing I found the lack of jealousy and pettiness in the whole Kira/Scott/Allison/Isaac mess? That sort of thing always drives me up the damn wall.

    • I did find out that she wanted to leave, but only very shortly before I saw the episode in question. And even then, I’m still a little surprised they didn’t leave it more open, like, Allison has to leave for whatever reason — evil to fight in France, mental trauma recovery in France, whatever — but could always come back if in two seasons, the actress changed her mind or something. Admittedly, they could still do that with a resurrection. And it’s not like Teen Wolf hasn’t killed off characters before, but Allison was a big one.

      And I liked Allison and Lydia’s friendship too. You’ll have to tell me what you think after watching Season 4, but while there is a lot of focus on Scott/Malia and Kira/Scott, there are other more platonic relationships in there too. I, personally, want to see some Kira/Stiles friendship scenes. I just feel like they could be awesome together.

      And to the lack of jealousy and pettiness in the K/S/A/I love thing? YES. A thousand times yes. I don’t always agree with the creator of the show on everything, but when I heard him say in an interview that he hates love triangles, I was like, AWESOME. It is so refreshing to see them just cut out all that BS.

      • I read somewhere that if they’d known Colton Heynes would be departing for Arrow, they might’ve killed off Jackson too. Which, combined with Peter’s attack, the brainwashing, and Allison, Aiden, and Meredith’s deaths, would put Lydia in competition with Chris for “Most Terrible Time Had Over The Course Of The Show.” Although Chris would still win. “Daughter murdered,” makes for a pretty decent trump card.

        Oh, I too loved that scene where he was coaching the kids on what to say to law enforcement. It was a weird mixture between brutal, as you said, and sweet that he was looking out for them like that. It was probably the nicest he’s ever been to Scott, at least during the first three seasons. There’s been a sort of minor thing this season that I’ve enjoyed, where our three main parents have all stepped in as parental substitutes for the other kids – like Mama McCall and later Chris looking after Isaac, Mama McCall getting called “Mom,” by Stiles, and the Sheriff comforting a crying Allison. (I actually found that scene kind of pointless, but I did love him saying he’d talk to Coach about her grades.)

        It’s terrific to hear that Jeff Davis hates love triangles. I only knew that I didn’t have to watch that crap in Season 3, now I know I’ll probably never have to endure it for the duration of Teen Wolf’s run. Huzzah!

        I forgot to say two things.
        1. Aiden’s death scene kind of confused/annoyed me. Why did he lose his werewolfiness when the Oni stabbed him? Do their swords have de-wolfing mojo? Then him saying that he was okay with dying because Lydia didn’t think he was a good guy anyway. Aiden, dude, that’s fucked up. Your life is more important than your girlfriend’s opinion of you. I didn’t disike this moment, exactly, but was this *meant* to be an indication of extremely low self-worth?

        But then Ethan gently rocked and hushed him until he died and I may have started crying instead of worrying about this stuff, because I am a sap.

        2. Okay, so in the flashback episode, why did Kira’s mum look and act Kira’s age? Ignoring that identical ancestor trope, if she’s 900 years old, shouldn’t she have looked and acted about the same age she is now? Maybe her age was a last minute addition to the script. They should’ve thrown in Hand Wavey line about how kitsune’s get to choose how rapidly they physically age, or something. Or just cut the 900 years old line out.

        • I also like how the parents interact with the other kids in this show. I actually did like the scene with the Sheriff and Allison, and obviously I liked the ones with Chris & Scott and Melissa & Stiles. I really want to see a scene where the parents all get together for a grown-up night where they drink and play poker and commiserate about the problems associated with raising their supernatural and/or pesky, consistently-in-danger children. Although I guess Chris probably wouldn’t go to that now. 😦

          Yeah, there still isn’t much of the love triangle nonsense in the most recent season, which I approved of. There was a shot in the first episode which made me wonder, “Are they going that way? Please don’t go that way.” But then they didn’t, and I was like, “Awesome.”

          About Aiden — I don’t particularly disagree with anything you said, although I probably didn’t give it the consideration it deserved because I never really cared that much about either of the twins. Although I did feel bad for Ethan cause, yeah. Sibling death tends to get me.

          About Kira & Noshiko — Yeah, it’s dumb. I kind of figured that when she had a kid, she passed on part of her kitsune immortality stuff and started to age or something . . . but regardless of whether that’s right or not, you know, you’d think they’d at least drop a line or two pretending to explain it.

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