Coming Soon-Ish: Fall Television, 2014

The 2013-2014 TV season is just about over . . . but here’s a small handful of the pilots heading your way this September.


Let’s be super honest here: I’ve never read a single Constantine comic, and I totally enjoy the Keanu Reeves movie as a shlocky good time. But this series — which looks to be considerably more faithful to the original character, if the internet is to be believed — could be pretty genuinely awesome. Other than The Girl (who might be less of an Obvious Love Interest/Exposition Device in the actual show), I was definitely into this trailer. Although I do have my concerns, namely that Constantine has apparently been scheduled on Friday. There have, obviously, been a few successful genre shows on Friday . . . but not fucking many.


Well. Hm. I really like both Karen Gillan and John Cho a lot, and I want to support anything that they’re both in . . . but . . . I don’t know. There are a couple of funny lines in this, but I can tell just from “plus-sized skinny jeans” that I’m gonna want to physically shake this woman more than I’m gonna want to laugh at her comically shallow foibles. Maybe I could deal with this as a two hour rom-com, but as an ongoing series? It’s unlikely.


Now, this sounds kind of horrifying if you’re going by the name alone, but I actually think it looks decently funny. A good number of the jokes land for me, and I think the subject matter could lead to some pretty interesting discussions. I can also see why some people might find it offensive, though, so I guess we’ll have to see how the show actually turns out. But I’m kind of hopeful — it’d be pretty awesome to have a network channel that actually features an all — or at least primarily — black cast. Cause, man. TV? Still overwhelmingly, embarrassingly white.


Eh. There are a couple of funny lines, and I could be amused by the number of creative ways this show manages to kill off Lancelot, only to bring him back to life — and bring him back quite naked too — but I’m getting real tired of the Super Sherlock Observer Syndrome where our protagonist (almost, but not always, a man) can tell everything about a person by the most minute details, and feels the compulsion to share this knowledge even when it’s completely irrelevant and rude. Plus, I have no interest in either the detective trying to discover our hero’s secret, or what will almost certainly be their UST relationship. I think I’ll save my “supernatural M.E. solves crime” spot in the schedule open for iZombie. (Unfortunately, there’s no trailer for that one yet.)

The Whispers

Aliens. Children. Steven Spielberg. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Actually, the aliens appear to be evil this time around, and they’re using children to invade the country. I’m not particularly in love with this trailer, but there’s nothing very wrong with it, either — I just don’t care much one way or the other. If I’m going to see yet another evil invisible friend story, though, I really want a fresh and exciting new take on the trope  . . . and I’m not convinced that this is it.


Finally, saving the best for last . . . this looks AMAZING. Not just amazing — it’s ridiculously stupendous, it’s amazeballs, it’s the best thing I have EVER SEEN. This show is the clear lovechild of Once Upon a Time and Monty Python and the Holy Grail, only with a lot, a LOT, more singing. I can’t . . . I don’t even know how this got made. I can’t believe someone actually had the balls to make this absurd show, and the fact that it actually got picked up for a pilot? Oh, please, PLEASE let this last at least six episodes. I was laughing so hard watching this trailer, I can’t even tell you.

I’m pretty sure Timothy Omundson is now picking his projects based only on how ridiculous he gets to act, and how much he gets to sing. That’s an honest way to choose one’s work. Seriously, I’d like to shake that man’s hand.

12 thoughts on “Coming Soon-Ish: Fall Television, 2014

  1. I’m sure The Whispers is an adaptation, or a ripoff. I remember a short scifi story that had that exact premise, except it took place in a single day and from the perspective of the doomed, distracted mother. It even had that “Domo…” “Domination?” bit, or something like it. Also, hi, Autumn Reeser and Lily Rabe! I liked you guys in No Ordinary Family (Autumn Reeser’s character was one of that show’s few bright spots… it’s another case of everybody loves the geek) and American Horror Story!

    Apart from those things… Eh.

    I jumped on board with Galavant at “I want to shoot him with a crossbow.” Although, yeah, I expect this show to have a short life.

    Constantine looks like the sort of show I’d enjoy if it’s good. I was all hopeful that this character would be doing the formerly evil hero thing while knowing his nefarious past has irreversibly bound his soul for hell, though, because I think that’s really interesting. I think it would take a lot to try redemption if you knew concretely that God and the whole Heaven/Hell system existed, considered you irredeemably evil, and that no matter what you did or how many babies you saved from burning buildings, you were only going to be sent to hell anyway.

    Buuuut apparently they’re not doing that. Oh well.

    I have a big crush on Karen Gillan, and I guess I’m happy for her, having her own show, but I don’t think I could sit through an episode of this. I could barely sit through this trailer.

    • You know, I want to like American Horror Story but . . . I have just failed to get into it. I didn’t even try last season. I WILL have to try for Season 4, though, because they’re doing an evil circus, and there’s nothing I like more than a supernatural circus. Still. My expectations are not high, and it makes me sad. It’s a water cooler show that’s actually supernatural, and I can’t participate in the conversation.

      It would be amazing if Galavant didn’t have a short life, right? Like, if it just defied expectation and became this huge hit despite being totally snarky and silly? I know that’s not going to happen, and yet I hope. We should all be singing about shooting people with crossbows more often.

      Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to try Selfie. I actually don’t expect this to do well, either, at least not if all the TV critics in the world have anything to say about it. The trailer looks like it’s getting pretty universally panned.

      • Yeah, I’m most of the way through Season 2 at the moment. I got up to the episode where Bloody Face hires a prostitute who’d just had a baby so he can drink her milk. That was the opening scene, and then I decided I wasn’t really in the mood for American Horror Story that day. Or any day since, apparently, although I intend to go back eventually.

        Do you know what you don’t like about the show? (Not trying to change your mind – there are a lot of things not to like about it, but I’m curious which one/s bothered you.) Also, from the sound of it you saw some of Season 2, so did you ever happen to see this scene?

        I concur with your love for evil, supernatural circuses. And it seems like a good setting for AHS’s over-the-top, chaotic, scattershot style of storytelling, too.

        It would be kind of amazing. And hey, sometimes something completely different strikes a chord with the public!

        • I got about halfway through Season One, and my biggest problem was that I sort of hated everybody. Well, no, I actually kind of liked Connie Britton, but I hated everyone else. Some of the what-the-fuckery was awesome, but a lot of it felt off-putting, not like I was offended, but . . . more like it was trying too hard to shock me. We were taping episodes because another show was on at the same time, and we ended up with this backlog that we just never felt like conquering. So we deleted it. I am a little disappointed about that, if only because I found out what happened at the end of the season, and I think I would have genuinely been surprised.

          I think I only saw the first episode of second season. I kind of just shrugged at it and then promptly forgot it was on the next week. So I never saw Bloody Face drinking a prostitute’s breast milk. But that sounds like the kind of what-the-fuckery I don’t tend to go for.

      • Yeah, that makes sense, on both counts. And the part about some of the what-the-fuckery being awesome and some being off-putting holds true for Season 2. I haven’t seen any of Season 3, although again, I intend to watch it eventually.

  2. Have you been watching FX’s Fargo? I remember you posted a trailer for it before the premiere and said that you might check it out. If indeed you’re watching it, I’d be curious to hear what you think of it.

    • Not yet. I ended up recording the series with the plan to watch it after it all finished . . . but my satellite has been screwing up lately, so it looks like I’ve missed a couple episodes. My interest, at the moment, is sort of so-so. If I do end up watching it, though, I’ll let you know. Are you enjoying it?

      • I’m enjoying it immensely. Like you, I’m not a huge fan of the movie, but I love the show. Just watch the pilot and I think your interest will immediately become more than “so-so.”

  3. Galavant reminds me of Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire in that the whole time I watched that show I would wonder how it made it to air. Fun fact about that show the flaming sword used by Krod is not a computer-generated special effect, but an actual sword prop with a gas canister and a hose that runs up actor Sean Maguire’s arm to light the blade. Also, yes Timothy Omundson is awesome.

      • Oh, that show was good? Excellent. I remember seeing it advertised and thinking it looked like a dumb Legend Of The Seeker parody. (Not that LotS was anywhere near big enough to get a parody like that, but they were on the same cable network here, so that’s probably how they wanted it to come across.) But it wouldn’t exactly be the first time bloody FOX8 made a good show look terrible, and though I like Seeker, I also think that kind of cheesy medieval fantasy Chosen-One-has-to-take-down the evil overlord is very parodyable.

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