“Okay, I’m Just Going to Come Right Out and Say I Have No Idea What’s Going On.”

While I was in Reno last weekend, a super-hyped and nerdtacular movie called Godzilla came out. I did not go and see it. I thought about going to see it, but instead went to watch another nerdy movie, albeit one that premiered months and months ago: The Lego Movie.

wyld v

Honestly, this film wasn’t even on my radar until, like, February when every geek I knew suddenly started gushing about it. I figure I’m too snarky of a person to properly gush, but I’ll admit, I thought it was pretty fantastic too.


This review will be Spoiler Free UNTIL you get to the Quotes Section. Once you hit the Quotes Section, you’re on your own, buddy. Significant plot points and character resolutions will be revealed. You have been warned.


Emmet (Chris Pratt) is a construction worker and pretty literal everyman who unexpectedly finds himself stumbling into the role of the Chosen One (or, in this case, the Special). It is up to Emmet and his vastly more qualified allies to save the world from President Business (Will Ferrell) and his Doom Device, the Kragle.


1. This movie initially came out in February. It will actually be on DVD in only a few short weeks. Everyone who wanted to see it should have already seen it — nevertheless, plenty of people stole my great idea of waiting until they came to Reno for a few days so they, too, could watch it in hotel movie theater for only four dollars. And then they all brought their tiny humans with them, too.

I suspect that when I have children of my own, I will become much more tolerant of kids who show up at the cinema ready to wriggle incessantly, continuously ask their parents questions, and, rather inevitably, cry. I’d like to think that, anyway, because I do want to become a mom someday, preferably a good one, and that desire seems a little at odds with my current old-people attitude towards children, some kind of deeply ingrained reflex to raise my shaking fist and scream, “Get off my lawn!” (Only, obviously, a movie theater instead of a lawn. I don’t actually have a lawn, and I would have no idea how to take care of one if I did.)

In the meantime, I suppose I’ll simply have to deal with the fact that if I want to see a children’s movie in theater, there will, in fact, be children in the audience. Unfortunately. (And yes, I should be more understanding of loud and tearful children in general. I know that movie theaters certainly overwhelmed me sometimes when I was a kid, possibly because of the surround sound, and possibly because we just didn’t go very often. Not to mention, I have no room to judge, AT ALL, how often kids cry. Cause, honestly. I was a crying machine as a child. It was the constant trauma of my tiny human life.)

2. Also — while I’m on the subject of me instead of than the actual movie itself — I feel like I should point out that I never really played much with Legos as a kid. I didn’t dislike them or anything; we just didn’t have any, and I don’t remember ever particularly wanting to own them, either. Probably because I was less interested in building shit than I was in setting up elaborate death traps that my dolls had to escape from, and — all in all — normal building blocks and Jenga pieces collapse much more dramatically than Lego pieces, don’t you think?

So, this movie? There’s pretty much zero nostalgia factor here, no man, I used to love my Legos, and that’s why I’m having all kinds of geeky feels over this one.

3. So, why DO I like The Lego Movie so much? Well, I guess primarily because it’s just so damn funny.


Batman might manage to snag the best lines, but the whole movie is chock full of some pretty great dialogue that adults can laugh at as well as their kids. The voice cast for this movie is kind of spectacular. For instance:

Emmet – Chris Pratt
Wyldstyle – Elizabeth Banks
President Business – Will Ferrell
Unikitty – Alison Brie
Benny – Charlie Day
Vitruvius – Morgan Freeman
Bad Cop – Liam Neeson
Batman – Will Arnett

Not to mention Channing Tatum as Superman, Jonah Hill as Green Lantern, Cobie Smulders as Wonder Woman, Anthony Daniels as C3po, and Billy Dee Williams as Lando Calrissian. (To no one’s great surprise, Harrison Ford did not appear as Han Solo. I’m almost a little stunned he’s going to be in the next Star Wars movies at all.)

Also, it’s fun trying to figure out where you know a voice from, isn’t it? I knew going in that this movie had Elizabeth Banks and Will Arnett in it, and I remembered Will Ferrell and Liam Neeson’s casting as soon as I heard them speak. The Voice of God is pretty recognizable, so I figured out Morgan Freeman pretty fast, and Alison Brie too, actually, since I love her . . but it took me THE WHOLE MOVIE to finally recognize Benny’s high pitched shriek as Charlie Day. And I never figured out Chris Pratt at all. He really has that everyman voice down, you know?

4. I kind of expected to like this movie. Obviously, I’d hoped to like this movie — otherwise I wouldn’t have wasted my money seeing it — but after hearing such awesome reviews from so many people, I figured I was going to laugh a lot, and I did.

I did not, however, expect that it would also make me tear up.

{Spoilery Picture of Tear-Inducing Material Not Included}

Those complete fuckers. I was absolutely horrified with myself at this point. (Okay, so clearly, the crying machine didn’t entirely go offline once I hit 18. Still. Tears for The Lego Movie? Come on, Carlie. *slaps face twice* Get it together, kid.)

In all seriousness, though, there was a pretty touching undercurrent running through this movie that was kind of unexpected for a film primarily made to sell more toys. Bah. Stop making me have feelings, movie!

5. Since I never actually bothered to watch a trailer or read a plot synopsis for The Lego Movie prior to seeing it, I must say that I was not expecting to sit down and watch the more colorful and little kid version of 1984. Which, dude, it totally is. I mean, I know, man. I finally read that book last year. (Although I am starting to think that 1984 might have been improved with a good theme song.)

6. Obviously “Everything is Awesome” is great — I’d heard about this song numerous times before I even saw the movie because, apparently, it gets stuck in your head and never, ever leaves. (This actually hasn’t happened to me yet. I usually have to hear a song a few times before it will actually stick in my head. I can’t even hear it right now . . . although when I inevitably buy the DVD and watch this movie again once or twice, it will probably burrow into my brain and share the same space as all the Disney songs from childhood that just refuse to leave.)

Anyway, this song is fun — and the accompanying montage is also great — but it’s Batman’s song about being an orphan that really cracked me up. Shit. I might have to actually buy this on iTunes or something.

7. Finally, for the record? I would absolutely go for a double decker couch.

double decker couch

I understand why it’s a deeply awkward idea, but you know what? I want one anyway. Because, come on. It’s hilarious and awesome. And really, I mostly sit with my legs folded under me, anyway, so I could totally hang out on the top bunk without my legs obstructing the vision of everyone sitting on the bottom. Everybody wins!

I will be obscenely rich someday, and I will pay people to make extravagant and weird shit for me. This very well may be one of those things.

And if it’s painted to look like it’s made out of Legos? So much the better.


Batman: “I only work in black. And sometimes very, very dark gray.”

Vitruvius: “Emmet, you didn’t let me finish. Because I died.”

Batman: “If this relationship is going to work out between us, I need to feel free to party with a bunch of strangers whenever I feel like it.”

Emmet: “I think I just heard a whoosh.”

Superman: “I super hate you.”

Wyldstyle: “Today will not be known as Taco Tuesday! It will be known as Freedom Friday! . . . but still on a Tuesday.”

Batman: “Then I guess we’ll have to wing it . . . that’s a bat pun.”

Vitruvius: “One day, a talented lass or fellow, a Special one with face of yellow, will make the Piece of Resistance found, from its hidden refuge underground. And with a noble army at the helm, this Master Builder will thwart the Kragle and save the realm, and be the greatest, most interesting, most important person of all times. All this is true, because it rhymes.”

Lucy (about Emmet giving up special weapon): “We’d rather he die than give it to you.”
Emmet: “I . . . would rather he not die.”

The Man Upstairs: “You know the rules. This isn’t a toy!”
Finn: “Um . . . it kind of is.”
The Man Upstairs: “No, actually it’s a highly sophisticated interlocking brick system.”
Finn: “But we bought it at the toy store.”
The Man Upstairs: “We did, but the way I’m using it makes it an adult thing.”
Finn: “The box for this one said ages 8 – 14.”
The Man Upstairs: “That’s a suggestion. They have to put that on there.”

Batman: “He’s the hero you deserve.”

Batman: “Who’s Bruce Wayne? He sounds like a cool guy.”

Vitruvius: “You must embrace what is special about you. I know that sounds like a cat poster, but it’s true.”



Pretty awesome and surprisingly touching.


Will Ferrell. But Will Arnett probably gets silver. Triumph for the Wills!




Everyone is special. Also, I think one of the writers might hate Green Lantern. Seriously. Poor guy.

2 thoughts on ““Okay, I’m Just Going to Come Right Out and Say I Have No Idea What’s Going On.”

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