It’s been a while since my last TV Quotes Challenge. Let’s play again, shall we?

For new players, it’s pretty simple: I give you three quotes per TV show, and you guess the TV show in the Comments. The shows in question might still be on the air, or they may have ended years ago. I can tell you right now that there won’t be any reality shows or sketch comedies. Also, while I do enjoy perfectly normal television with a weird fondness for criminal procedures, the majority of shit I watch is fantasy and science-fiction. So if you only like Emmy-nominated, non-speculative, serious cable programming . . . well, this might not be the best quiz for you. But you’re totally welcome to play anyway.

Oh, one other thing: if you see the name BOB in any of the quotes, that’s just a placeholder for the character’s actual name — because I still think that’s funny. Don’t get hung up on it; there may or may not be any Bobs in these particular shows.

Now — to the challenge!

1. “Oh, you’re so stolid! You weren’t like that before the beard.”

“I’m going into labor.”
“You cannot. This is not a good time, BOB.”

“I want to see my father! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!”

2. “Well, Serendipity is my stripper name.”

“BOB, I did not come here to spy on you. Not the way you think, anyway.”
“Oh sure. The good kind of spying, like ‘Here, have some flowers, and a puppy, and some spying.'”

“Stop. You had me at ‘You’ll be dead’.”

3. “So, come on. Who recruited you? Father? Uncle? Brother? Boyfriend?”
“Aunt. Sister. Lesbian lover.”

“Best sex movie?”
“Body Heat. William Hurt, Kathleen Turner. Smart noir. I like the whole sweaty, chair-through-glass-door thing.”
“I prefer the air-conditioner on, and if somebody threw a chair through my door, I would probably shoot them.”

“If I get anthrax, how will you feel?”

4. “BOB. I’m holding in my hand a box of small chocolate bunnies.”

“There are things you can’t get anywhere, but we dream they can be found in other people.”

“All things considered, being shot is not as bad as I always thought it might be, as long as you can keep the fear from your mind. But I guess you can say that about almost anything in life. It’s not so bad, as long as you can keep the fear from your mind.”

5. “The person of color has successfully purchased your drugs.”

“There are wolves here? Right, of course there are, because what would the worst place on earth be without wolves?”

“Anyone else crave dim sum after fisticuffs? No? Okay, dumplings for one then.”

6. “He irks me. He’s irksome.”

“You’ve never been to a zoo?”
“Yeah, I don’t get zoos. You pay money to look at animals, why?”

“You date pregnant hookers, and your dinosaur eats grass.”

7. “BOB, it would be very helpful if you could resist throwing up on the potential explosive device.”

“I’m 147 pounds of pale skin and fragile bone, okay? Sarcasm is my only defense.”

“So, we’re going to trust him? The guy who calls himself Death, Destroyer of Worlds? We’re going to trust that guy?”

8. “. . . I will meet my end with pride.”
“I’m gonna meet mine kicking and screaming.”

“Does anyone know how to stop this . . . whatever it is? There’s an elf here giving me a dirty look.”

“Don’t panic, everyone. I’m here to save the world. Again.”

9. “I can neither confirm nor deny anything pertaining to this matter, and I will say the same damn thing to every other question until the moment you put that gun to my head and pull the trigger.”

“I miss you like I miss an intestinal parasite.”
“I love your similes.”

“Killing’s not the answer. That’s the best you can do?”
“I don’t know. I’ve killed lots of people, but my friends keep telling me I’m wrong.”

10. “I’ve never had a conversation with a dead guy before. Forgive me if I don’t know the rules.”

“So we’re putting GPS chips on carrier pigeons to find a man who can control electricity. I have you to thank for that, don’t I?”

“So, how many are there? Is it bad?”
“Did you eat?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, that’s unfortunate.”

11. “You, being all mysterious with your — cheekbones. And turning up your coat collar so you look cool.”

“Oh! You meant ‘spectacularly ignorant’ in a nice way.”

“I’m in shock. Look, I’ve got a blanket.”

12. “I don’t know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember I can rip your throat out if I need to.”

“I’m sorry you fell in love with a serial killer, all right? But honestly, who here hasn’t?”

“Well, did you call the hypothetical hardware store and buy a theoretical chainsaw?”

Answers to come in about a week!