Okay, Here Are Your Answers.

Shit, I need to make harder challenges, I think. Almost all the shows were guessed correctly, and by the first two commenters, no less. I will resist the urge to immediately come up with a new quiz and just give you guys the answers. For now.

DISCLAIMER: There may be some mild spoilers for Person of Interest and True Blood. Nothing that should ruin the shows for you, but just so you’re aware.

1. Star Trek

tng

“Oh, you’re so stolid! You weren’t like that before the beard.”

“I’m going into labor.”
“You cannot. This is not a good time, Keiko.”

“I want to see my father! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!”

I think I started watching TNG when I was about five years old — not very willingly, I might add, although I quickly fell in love with it. I certainly remember being pissed when it was over because, to me, it seemed like it had just started. (It ended when I was eight, so that’s kind of true, I guess.)

TNG was my introduction to Trek, but to this date, I still have not seen all the episodes. Like the series finale, for instance. I know basically what happens, but I never actually watched “All Good Things . . .” And honestly, my interest is pretty low in that particular episode. I’m sure I’ll get there eventually, but I’d really rather just watch “Clues” or “Power Play” again.

2. Warehouse 13

warehouse13

“Well, Serendipity is my stripper name.”

“Claudia, I did not come here to spy on you. Not the way you think, anyway.”
“Oh sure. The good kind of spying, like ‘Here, have some flowers, and a puppy, and some spying.'”

“Stop. You had me at ‘You’ll be dead’.”

I did so enjoy Warehouse 13. It was an uneven show, especially at the end, but I will forgive a lot in ridiculous plot contrivances if I like the relationships between characters, and that’s something I think WH13 excelled at. I liked everyone, even Pete. (I’m apparently in the minority on that. My least favorite character was always Leena because she did nothing the entire time she was on the show. The underused potential in Leena still kind of bums me out.)

It might never actually happen, but I really want Allison Scagliotti and Aaron Ashmore to costar on another series together. I liked Myka and Pete, but Claudia and Steve were definitely my favorite crime-fighting duo. Go B-Team! (Or second A-Team.)

3. NCIS

“So, come on. Who recruited you? Father? Uncle? Brother? Boyfriend?”
“Aunt. Sister. Lesbian lover.”

“Best sex movie?”
“Body Heat. William Hurt, Kathleen Turner. Smart noir. I like the whole sweaty, chair-through-glass-door thing.”
“I prefer the air-conditioner on, and if somebody threw a chair through my door, I would probably shoot them.”

“If I get anthrax, how will you feel?”

Oh, NCIS. I was vaguely interested in this show before it became insanely popular (well, at least in the Parents Demographic, anyway), but I didn’t really start watching it until USA started playing, like, six episodes a day. I did eventually give up on it, though, less because the show did anything unforgivable and more because it literally started over a decade ago, and I’m liable to get a little bored of anything after ten years.

Still, it’s an enjoyable enough show, if you liked criminal procedurals. Again, this has everything to do with the likability of your characters and the chemistry of your cast, and this show has a pretty likable cast, or did, anyway. I haven’t seen any episodes post-Ziva, so I can’t really speak to whoever filled her place on the team.

Oh, Cote de Pablo. I want to see you in things again. Ziva was such a badass. Also, I’m deeply envious of your hair, particularly when it’s curly.

4. Twin Peaks

laura2

“Diane. I’m holding in my hand a box of small chocolate bunnies.”

“There are things you can’t get anywhere, but we dream they can be found in other people.”

“All things considered, being shot is not as bad as I always thought it might be, as long as you can keep the fear from your mind. But I guess you can say that about almost anything in life. It’s not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind.”

Sometimes, I’m still surprised I like Twin Peaks. There was so much — SO MUCH — about it that I wanted to change, but there was a lot to love too. The quirky humor really sold it for me, I think. (Well, that, and Kyle MacLachlan.) When what-the-fuckery makes me laugh, I’m generally into it. When it bores me and/or makes me totally squicked out — the way Fire Walk With Me did — I can’t seem to make the leap.

5. Arrow

arrow

“The person of color has successfully purchased your drugs.”

“There are wolves here? Right, of course there are, because what would the worst place on earth be without wolves?”

“Anyone else crave dim sum after fisticuffs? No? Okay, dumplings for one then.”

Speaking of a show I enjoy, even as it simultaneously drives me freaking CRAZY — Arrow is a lot of fun, even if I want to change so, so much about it. A short list of things to improve, just off the top of my head.

A. Get rid of Laurel. By almost any means necessary.
B. Fix Thea. I don’t quite know how, at this point. Just FIX HER.
C. Give Diggle something to actually do.
D. Bring back Walter. Just cause I have a soft spot for Colin Salmon and his perfect voice.
E. Give Felicity more screen time. (She has plenty of screen time. I just love Felicity.)
F. Recast Amanda Waller with someone who’s preferably over a size 12, but at least over a size 6.

Very few of these things are likely to happen, but a girl can hope, right?

6. The Mentalist

mentalist1

“He irks me. He’s irksome.”

“You’ve never been to a zoo?”
“Yeah, I don’t get zoos. You pay money to look at animals, why?”

“You date pregnant hookers, and your dinosaur eats grass.”

I was going to give some context for that last quote, but I could only find one of the two clips necessary to do so, and then I thought it might just be more fun not to. Honestly, “You date pregnant hookers, and your dinosaur eats grass,” is one of my most favorite random insults ever. Add it to the List of Things I Desperately Want to Say to People, Just To Seem Them Go “. . . What?”

I genuinely used to look forward to The Mentalist every week, but I eventually had to give up on it. Over the course of a few seasons, Patrick Jane’s irreverence went from charming to obnoxious, and they just took way, WAY too long to solve the mystery of Red John. (And from what I understand, Red John ended up being pretty lame anyway, which is less surprising after a five and a half year buildup, especially when you already had someone PERFECT, only to retcon him out of the way just to make the Big Mystery Last. No, I’m still not over this. If I ever make a list of Ten Big Television Missteps, this is likely to go on it.)

The main reason I stuck with this show as long as I did was for Cho. Well, Cho and Rigsby, I suppose. But mostly Cho. I really hope to see more from Tim Kang after The Mentalist ends because, man. I miss that deadpan.

7. Teen Wolf

stiles-derek

“Jared, it would be very helpful if you could resist throwing up on the potential explosive device.”

“I’m 147 pounds of pale skin and fragile bone, okay? Sarcasm is my only defense.”

“So, we’re going to trust him? The guy who calls himself Death, Destroyer of Worlds? We’re going to trust that guy?”

I won’t bore you all (again) with all the things I like about this show, or even the many things that don’t quite work but I forgive anyway because Teen Wolf makes me so happy. I will say that the fourth season premiere just aired last night, and it was kind of awesome. Per usual, not all of it totally made sense — like the electrocution scene is so immensely illogical, I don’t even have words — but it was a lot of fun, and the last few minutes ended on a twist that you see all the time in fanfiction, but rarely, if ever, see in actual television. I laughed my ass off, and I can’t wait for the next episode. (Too bad I’ll be on the road on Monday. Oh, well, that’s what DVR is for.)

8. The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes

emh

“. . . I will meet my end with pride.”
“I’m gonna meet mine kicking and screaming.”

“Can anyone tell me how to stop this . . . whatever it is? There’s an elf giving me a dirty look.”

“Don’t panic, everyone. I’m here to save the world. AGAIN.”

Presumably, there are characters other than Hawkeye who talk in this show . . . but they clearly don’t matter because Hawkeye is the best. I still need to watch the last few episodes of EMH, but it’s gonna happen, if not this week or the next (which are kind of busy), then sometime this summer.

I kind of hope Jeremy Renner has more opportunity for witty quips in the next Avengers movie. Between EMH and Matt Fraction’s comic book series, Hawkeye is becoming one of my favorite superheroes ever, and I’d love to see that reflected on the big screen.

9. Person of Interest

poi1

“I can neither confirm nor deny anything pertaining to this matter, and I will say the same damn thing to every other question until the moment you put that gun to my head and pull the trigger.”

“I miss you like I miss an intestinal parasite.”
“I love your similes.”

“Killing’s not the answer. That’s the best you can do?”
“I don’t know. I’ve killed lots of people, but my friends keep telling me I’m wrong.”

Reese is okay, and I adore Finch so much I kind of just want to hug him at every opportunity, but the women . . . the women of this show are superb. The number of great female characters in Person of Interest is one of my favorite things about it, especially as the seasons continue. I can’t even pick my favorite badass. Zoe hasn’t been around much since the actress took a role on The 100, but she’s all competent and awesome whenever she pops up. Carter’s mission to take down HR in Season Three is epically brilliant. Shaw is just the best, Root is pretty much the epitome of Chaotic Good, and Control is A-MAZ-ING. She won’t actually get a nod, I know this, but I’d be totally pleased if Camryn Manheim got nominated for Best Guest Actress in a Drama. Love her so much.

Also, if Root and Shaw were to actually make good on their whole dangerous women UST thing, that would totally work for me.

10. Fringe

fringe

“I’ve never had a conversation with a dead guy before. Forgive me if I don’t know the rules.”

“So we’re putting GPS chips on carrier pigeons to find a man who can control electricity. I have you to thank for that, don’t I?”

“So, how many are there? Is it bad?”
“Did you eat?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, that’s unfortunate.”

Sadly, Fringe didn’t quite go out on the amazing note that I wanted it to, but I still did like this show when it was on the air, and I’m still annoyed that Anna Torv and John Noble were never nominated for an Emmy. (Although that has faded somewhat in the wake of Tatiana Maslany, who deserves an Emmy so bad it’s just ridiculous. Prepare yourselves, people, because if they fail to nominate her again, there will be rage, so much RAGE. I will unleash my fury and pretend that people will tremble.)

This was an uneven show with some pretty dumb plot complications and bad science, but there were also some great plot twists and developments, and once again, the character relationships were usually pretty solid. Olivia was all super competent, Faux-Livia was an awesome sauce badass, Peter was a snark wonder machine, and John Noble was both the crazypants who cooked naked on Tuesdays and the dude who would totally make you cry with his old man tears.

Sometimes, I do miss this show.

11. Sherlock

sherlock

“You, being all mysterious with your — cheekbones. And turning up your coat collar so you look cool.”

“Oh! You meant ‘spectacularly ignorant’ in a nice way.”

“I’m in shock. Look, I’ve got a blanket.”

I absolutely fell in love with the first season of this show, but I’m also one of the few people who didn’t care much for second season. I don’t exactly have a good argument for this. Sherlock just annoyed me more. (I know I’ve talked about this before, but Sherlock and Sherlock-like characters are difficult to balance. I may like them initially, but nine times out of ten, their selfishness and complete inability to respect anyone around them will get on my nerves to the point where I just can’t deal with them anymore.)

Thankfully, I liked Season Three a whole lot more than Season Two . . . right up until the very end, that is. I won’t say what happens for those of you who haven’t seen it, but I’m hanging on the hope that The Thing Which Seemed To Happen isn’t actually true. Because if it is true, I’m going to hate it. Honestly, TV shows. When will you learn that retconning is terrible 99.8% of the time?

12. True Blood

true blood

“I don’t know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember I can rip your throat out if I need to.”

“I’m sorry you fell in love with a serial killer, all right? But honestly, who here hasn’t?”

“Well, did you call the hypothetical hardware store and buy a theoretical chainsaw?”

I really enjoyed the first few seasons of True Blood. It was a crazy fun night soap with all the kinds of what-the-fuckery that totally work for me. And then . . . the WTF stopped working. I don’t know. I tried to struggle through, even though I hated how they handled Eric’s amnesia storyline and thoroughly despised ‘Jason Gets Raped Multiple Times by Werepanthers’ bullshit. I tried to give it one last chance, and then we got the Vampire Bible, and I was like, “You know, what, I’m out. Sorry, guys.”

All that being said, Pam is amazing. Also, Lafayette. And Terry. Oh, Terry.

Congrats to Pat and Teacups, who, between the two of them, guessed nine out of twelve shows correctly, I believe. Congrats to Bryan for liking a show that I honestly would have suspected was too silly for him. With sincerity, sir. That’s awesome. Congrats to me for posting these results and crossing something off my To-Do list. Congratulations all around, people!

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4 Responses to Okay, Here Are Your Answers.

  1. Brandon says:

    RE: “The Mentalist”, the show has actually gotten better post-Red John. As if by not having that weight to lug around all the time, the writers have finally been able to relax.

  2. Bryan says:

    I started watching the show because, from the premise, it’s right in my wheelhouse. Louisiana, the supernatural, and Anna Pacquin in various stages of undress. That’s what they call in the biz, ‘a hat trick.’ I stayed through the awful faerie stuff and the yawn worthy vampire board stuff for LaLa. There are other strengths of the show, but if 5 years ago Nelsan Ellis had moved on to a spin off called “Sassy Louisiana Medium” I’d probably be watching that, instead. (IMDB says that he plays Dionysis in a film called “Gods Behaving Badly.” Prayers DO get answered!)

    • LaLa is superb. He is one of the reasons I occasionally miss True Blood. And then my sister tells me what happened in the most recent episode, and I move on. Still, I’m really hoping to see Nelsan Ellis in more things. (And yes, I, too, would have watched ‘Sassy Louisana Medium.’)

      I have not seen Gods Behaving Badly, but I did read the book it was based on years and years ago. For some reason, I expect nothing from the movie, but I want it to be good because I like him so much.

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