Coming Soon-Ish: Fairy Tales, Walruses, and Fifty Shades of Grey

Into the Woods

Interesting. I do plan to see this, although I kind of wish I could watch the actual play before the movie comes out, as I’ve never seen it before, and I absolutely want to be one of the people who goes, “That’s not how it happens!” (Also, cause it looks awesome.) I literally only just found out that it’s been playing in SF all summer, but the likelihood of my getting to see it before it closes on September 6th is not high, fuck it all.)

This trailer doesn’t show you much, but it does give you fairy tales without machine guns or CGI werewolves. So, you know. Things are looking up, right? Admittedly, even I think it’s a little weird to have a trailer for a musical where no one sings, but they’re probably saving that for the next trailer. Like when everyone watched the first preview for The Giver and were like, “Uh, what’s with all this color bullshit?”

Fingers crossed, people. I want an awesome live-action fairy tale movie. Or even just a decent one, at this point.


I know as a good nerd, I’m supposed to be super excited about this movie, but . . . I’m kind of not. I mean, I’ll see it. I’ve seen pretty much all of Christopher Nolan’s films. (Except The Prestige and something I’ve never heard of called Following.) And it might be totally, completely awesome, but at this point, the trailer isn’t fully winning me over. I like my Dylan Thomas used pretty sparingly, you know? And I’m just not really feeling this story, at least not yet. The cinematography looks gorgeous, but that’s usually not enough to push my Holy Shit I Need To See That button.

Fifty Shades of Grey

The fact that this is coming out on Valentine’s Day is continuing to bring me all the giggles.

I have not read this book. My mother has read this book, but not me, to yet. Sometimes, I feel like I should, just so I know for myself what it’s like, but then I look at the stack of books I actually am interested in, and it seems unlikely that I’m ever going to get there. As for the trailer itself . . . I’ve got to say, this looks a lot better than I would’ve thought. Which, admittedly, is a far cry from, “I’ll be there with bells on for V-Day,” but still. I thought it would look a lot worse. Then again, I had a pretty huge crush on Jamie Dornan when he was in Once Upon a Time, so, you know. That helps. (Probably not enough, though. Maybe if he had his Irish on.)

I can’t pretend to know a lot about dom/sub culture that I didn’t pick up from Secretary and fanfiction, but I will say, I’m a little concerned that this girl’s all, ‘oh, I’m nobody, look at me, what a shy, timid flower I am’. I get that she’s the sexual submissive in the relationship, but it doesn’t seem to me like that should necessarily translate to deep insecurity in her everyday life. Or maybe the idea of watching a man dominate a weak-willed woman for two hours just sounds kind of horrifying to me.

If I do watch this movie, it will be in the privacy of my own home, where I can pause the film for extended temper tantrums and stuffed animal abuse if need be.


I’ve never been much of a History Channel person (I failed to watch either Hatfields & McCoys OR The Bible), but I’ll admit, I’m intrigued by this particular trailer. Intrigued enough to actually watch Houdini? Haven’t decided yet. You know, I have a fair idea how it ends. But it looks pretty cool, and that’s worth something. Also, I was kind of feeling that song. Think I might need to look up this Jake Bugg fellow now.


Um. I don’t even . . . yeah. Yeah, okay, this appears to be a Canadian horror comedy where Michael Parks tries to turn Justin Long and his ridiculously bad mustache into a walrus. Grown up Haley Joel Osment costars.

Really, I don’t even know what to say to that. Except that I’m probably going to have to see this movie because holy shit, somebody made this movie. And not just anybody — Kevin Fucking Smith. I’m just . . . blinking at my screen right now. Repeatedly, because maybe that will make what I’ve just witnessed make sense.

6 thoughts on “Coming Soon-Ish: Fairy Tales, Walruses, and Fifty Shades of Grey

  1. Have you read Fables, or played The Wolf Among Us? I’ve just been playing the latter, which is a video game prequel to the Fables comic series, and it’s kinda like Once Upon A Time in a Crapsack World – mixed with a noir murder mystery for TWAU, I don’t know how much that carries over to Fables. So that could fill your desire for fairy tales some, possibly.

    That being said, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend the game yet? It’s basically a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure video game, very little actual gameplay involved. It’s just picking between dialogue options or the occasional Big Decision, and some quicktime events that mostly don’t actually affect things. And I’m getting pretty skeptical of how much your choices actually influence things, though I won’t be able to tell until finish the game. That would be pretty shitty, since the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure thing is the game’s big selling point and practically the only thing that really distinguishes this from a movie.

    I read 50 Shades Of Grey out of curiosity and bile fascination. I think it’s quite possible the movie will lose some of the shittiness in translation. At least, mostly not. No terrible prose, no endless boring descriptions, no overly dramatic inner monologuing every time she worries Edward Christian might not truly like her. Plus, they’d have to trim it down, which is good, because there is so much pointless crap in that book.

    As far as your issue with it goes, I wonder if they’ll include the part where Christian says that he thought she’d be a natural submissive when he saw how awkward and timid she was in the interview. Which was problematic for me, as such a person would be more likely to go along with things they don’t want to do, simply because they can’t work up the nerve to refuse – especially if they have feelings for the dominant and are worried that the dom will lose interest without the BDSM. (And yes, that totally happens. Romance!) I mean, technically that could happen with anyone, with any intimate act, but it seems like way more of a risk when you’re picking up new bondage submissives based on their submissive personalities in everyday life.

    Tusk looks enjoyably insane, and also kind of reminds me of The Loved Ones, only with less prom and more walrus.

    • Well, I was right that your choices in The Wolf Among Us don’t actually influence things that much. Plus, there’s not really much in the way of skill involved. I deliberately played everything as Sheriff Asshole, The Worst Detective Ever, and I still solved the case, held my position, and got the same ending as if I’d been the nicest and best detective ever. The setting, style, and voice acting were all pretty great, but yeah. It’s barely a video game.

    • I’ve read some of Fables. I was really enjoying it, but I got stuck somewhere, can’t remember what issue. It wasn’t anything major, just like, eh, this guy’s pretty boring, maybe I’ll read this other thing instead and come back later . . . and then later never happened. I’d like to get back into it, but I think at this point I’d have to reread the whole series. (Which wouldn’t be so hard — I wasn’t THAT far in — it’s just ALL THE OTHER THINGS.) I have never played The Wolf Among Us, but I’m disappointed that it turned out kinda meh, because it sounds like it could have been really awesome.

      Yeah . . . that doesn’t seem like a great idea, looking at someone, deciding they’re awkward and insecure, and saying, “Hey, you seem like a perfect fit for tying up and punishing.” Plus, I don’t know . . . it just seems so simplistic. Like, you’re timid, so you’ll like being dominated. That’s just math. I’m not saying timid people CAN’T be sexual submissives, obviously, but it seems like it might appeal more (or at least ALSO appeal) to people who are constantly in control of things and want to let go of that control. But like I said, this is well out of my area of expertise. I’m just pretty sure this would be a hard movie for me to watch. (But I’d probably like it better than reading the book.)

      The Loved Ones has been recommended to me a couple of times now, so I should probably get around to finally watching it. Also, “with less prom and more walrus” = LOVE.

      • I might check out Fables at some point myself. I would definitely be interested in seeing more stories in this world – in the game, it was sort of like if you mixed the premise of Once Upon A Time with the worldview of Seven, which was an interesting combination.

        Do you know of 50 Shades Of Green/Booze Your Own Adventure? (They changed the name in Season 2.) It’s a webseries where the hosts snarkily pick apart the whole Twilight/50 Shades/various ripoffs phenomenon, while also crowdsourcing a ripoff of their own. And drinking a lot. Then Season 2 opens up to look more at teen lit in general. It’s pretty fun, if you’re into that sort of thing.

        The Loved Ones is pretty good, yeah. I’d be interested to know what you think if you see it.

        I kind of love that this even a phrase I can apply to movies about kidnapping people. Also, I wish my own prom (well, formal – we don’t call them proms here, but the principle is the same) had less prom and more walrus, somehow. At least that would’ve been fucking interesting.

        • I do not know of 50 Shades of Green/Booze Your Own Adventure, although I am now angry with myself with not having come up with ‘Booze Your Own Adventure’ first. That’s amazing. I might have to check that out. It could be my kind of thing, depending on how acerbic it is, I suppose. Poking fun at Fifty Shades of Gray or Twilight is basically the definition of picking low-hanging fruit. Definitely fun to do, or else I wouldn’t do it myself, but sometimes people get kind of whiny about it, and then I don’t want to listen to them anymore.

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