We’re all pretty tired of remakes, right? Right, so guess what today’s poll is about? Yes, exactly, an imaginary remake of a television show that’s already had one failed television remake and two commercially (though probably not critically) successful films.
So, here’s the thing: I grew up on reruns of Charlie’s Angels, and I own and enjoy both the ridiculous Charlie’s Angels movies, and I don’t know that we necessarily NEED yet another remake. Like, we could just have new stories featuring awesome women doing awesome things. BUT if we were going to do one anyway, I think I’d like it to be a little less ludicrous. Like, I don’t particularly want Dark, Gritty, Everybody’s-Miserable-all-the-Time Charlie’s Angels. There can absolutely be humor, and in fact, I’d prefer it — no one’s looking for Se7en levels of bleakness here — but I’d also rather it to not be completely absurd, like maybe it could have a shred of credulity so that the whole idea of women detectives didn’t seem like a joke.
To that end, I have proposed six different teams of leading ladies who could be the Next (Imaginary) Charlie’s Angels. It’s quite the assortment of varied talent, I think — we have actresses with geek cred, actresses who have believably played law enforcement in the past, comediennes with considerable acting chops, etc.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it (PLEASE ACCEPT IT) is to pick which team you would be most interested in seeing. (It could be for either a film or television series. Whichever you’d be more interested in.) You cannot mix and match the actresses to make your own team. Or, you can, obviously, but then your vote is not counted, and you’ll make me sad, and why would you want to make me sad? I’m already sad because my handy ‘Add Poll’ button does not appear to be working, so now I have to write the whole survey out and it’s not going to look nearly as official and perty, and people will probably yell at me because they can’t just click a button to answer. Please don’t contribute to my despair.
Your choices are as follows:
Team 1:
Emma Stone (Zombieland, The Amazing Spiderman 1 & 2)
Alison Brie (Community, Scream 4)
Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Scott Pilgrim vs the World, Die Hard 4)
Team 2:
Tracie Thoms (Cold Case, Death Proof)
Maggie Lawson (Psych, an awesome episode of Justified)
Rosario Dawson (Sin City, Unstoppable)
Team 3:
Kat Dennings (2 Broke Girls, Thor & Thor: The Dark World)
Jennifer Lawrence (Days of Future Past, Hunger Games 1 & 2)
Ellen Page (Inception, Super)
Team 4:
Taraji P. Henson (Person of Interest, Smokin’ Aces)
Sandra Oh (Grey’s Anatomy, Sideways)
Kerry Washington (Scandal, Django)
Team 5:
Amber Tamblyn (The Unusuals, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants)
Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars, Heroes)
Rinko Kikuchi (Pacific Rim, The Brothers Bloom)
Team 6:
Jewel Staite (Firefly & Serenity, Higher Ground)
Cobie Smulders (How I Met Your Mother, Agents of SHIELD)
Karen Gillan (Doctor Who, Guardians of the Galaxy)
This poll will be open for a week. Friends on Facebook and Twitter, I will attempt to count your votes if you leave your answers there, but I’d really prefer it if you’d comment here on the actual blog site itself. Just makes life easier for me. Also, depending on interest (like, if more than three people actually respond to this poll), I might have a followup poll next week on who should voice Charlie. Spoiler alert: all of the choices will be women. That’s not up for debate.
My Geek Blasphemy 
Team 2 🙂
I kept looking for the team with Zoe Saldana on it. “Self,” I says to myself, “surely there’s no way Carlie would have 6 teams without putting my girl on there. Me and self were disappointed. I’m leaning towards Team 1, but I can’t in good conscience vote for it because of its lack of diversity. Given that, I’d probably go with Team 5. (I’d really like that team to have Saldana instead of that Amber woman I don’t know. But that would be tinkering with your list and I won’t do that.)
I also think Team 4 would make an excellent team of villain angels. Not copying the plot of the second movie (though I thought it was a fun twist) but setting up a separate organization that copies Charlie but goes full on amoral mercenary about it. Maybe a darkest timeline? There’s enough room in the world for speculative fiction Charlie’s Angels.
Another important question . . . do you have Bill Murray reprise as Bosley? Or do you go another direction?
I’m sorry that I’ve disappointed you and your self. In truth, Zoe Saldana was definitely in consideration, but I feel like I cast her a lot, and I was trying to widen the pool a bit from my Actresses Who Should Be in the Expendabelles list. Though let’s be clear: if a Charlie’s Angels remake was announced tomorrow with Zoe Saldana as one of the leads, I would totally cheer. Still, I do appreciate your restraint on not tinkering with the list. Your resolve is mighty. I would also totally watch an amoral mercenary team of angels because I do like my amoral mercenaries.
I haven’t made up my mind about the Bill Murray reprise. I’m kind of leaning against it, actually, but I don’t know if I have any particular ideas on which way to go. Thoughts?
In the same way you mentioned shifting the humor and tone from absurd slapstick to something more believable, I think it would be interesting to make Bosley’s role as caretaker/Charlie liaison/general combat incompetence less something to play for laughs and more in line with the challenging of gender roles that the rest of the show/film ought to be. So Bosley should be someone who fills a compassionate, pacifist role, like the kind typically filled by an older woman. I’m thinking Martin Sheen, somewhere between his portrayal of Jed Bartlett in West Wing and of Ben Parker in Amazing Spider-man. Robert Guillaume would be a good look, too, presuming he isn’t the only PoC on the team.
That could be interesting, although I do worry that by making Bosley an older, compassionate guy, the show might automatically make him a father figure to all the angels, and I’m not sure I’d like that. Although I could be okay if he had that sort of relationship with ONE of the angels and different relationships with the other two. I’m afraid I don’t really know Robert Guillaume as anyone but the voice of Rafiki. I do like Martin Sheen, although you know, I still have never seen The Amazing Spider-Man. Perhaps I’m subconsciously punishing myself for not going to see it with you in Seattle. 🙂
I don’t know if he quite fits in with your idea, but I was glancing at a list of character actors, saw J.K. Simmons’s name, and went, “OOOH.”
Oh, and I forgot to mention: as much as I like the idea of villain angels, I don’t think I could in good conscience pick Team 4 for that, as that’s my team where everyone is a person of a color.
TEAM 2, no question (great minds, Mek)! Not only would they be the best mix of “slightly gritty+slapstick comedy+witty humor”, but there’s one also at least one actress on each other the other teams that ruins it for me (Team 1 and Team 3 would be a total disaster).
Second, YES Charlie should be a woman!
Finally, just because I’m obnoxious, this would be my Angel dream team:
Jackie Cruz (OitNB, Unforgettable)
America Ferrera (How to Train your Dragon, Ugly Betty)
Natalie Dormer (GoT, Hunger Games)
Aw. I don’t think my teams would be a TOTAl disaster. Maybe a half-disaster? Or quarter-disaster — that sounds like a scrappy good time. Anyway, vote registered and obnoxious dream cast summarily discarded. Ha! (Actually, America Ferrera was on the shortlist and may even have been the last actress to go — I was originally going to have three or four teams, capped myself at six, with enough initial actresses to make probably ten. Surprisingly, I didn’t even think about Natalie Dormer, but yeah, she’s awesome, and I would totally be happy with her. I don’t know Jackie Cruz, though, having seen a whole two episodes of OitNB.)
This whole plan only works if Bosley is just Bill Murray again for no reason and he wanders in and out of the show at random intervals.
Team 2 (but Team 1 would still be very good. Robyn is wrong)
Ha. Although, honestly, I’m a little iffy on Bill Murray returning as Bosley — though him just appearing for no apparent reason would be kind of hilarious.
So far, Team 2 is winning. Though it’s nice to see other people like Team 1, too. 🙂
Team 1.
Noted. 🙂
Team 6 – ish. . . Substitute Claudia Kim for Cobie Smulders. Substitute Zoe Saldana for Karen Gillan.
Is it really ‘ish’ if you only keep one person? 🙂
Sadly, I can’t count your vote as it has substitutions, but I DO like Zoe Saldana. I don’t actually know Claudia Kim. What is she from?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claudia_Kim – a bunch of little TV stuff, and she’s cast in Age of Ultron. Basically, Team 6 seemed like Two Kaylees and Maria Hill, so I kept one Kaylee and diversified the rest of the team.
Cool, I’ll have to look for her in Age of Ultron. I’d argue that Karen Gillan and Jewel Staite would both necessarily be Kaylees (actually, in my head, I see Jewel Staite being a little less shiny-happy for this) but I can’t argue the diversity, as I created three all-Caucasian teams and should have done better.
I’m torn between Team Five (because I’ve got a bit of a crush on Kristen Bell) and Team One (because of Allison Brie and Emma Stone… I do not like M.E.W. though, so I guess Team Five wins out).
I also love Rorf’s team because Natalie Dormer should be in all the things.
Claudia Black should be in this. She could play Charlie. Or the kick-ass veteran angel who helps train the new team.
Natalie Dormer is pretty awesome. And while I was initially thinking of someone older as Charlie, I would absolutely be okay with Claudia Black too because I could listen to her talk all day. 🙂
Team 3 and Team 5 are killin’ me. I’d watch anything to see those teams.
You must pick one. Choose but choose wisely! 🙂
Cobie and Karen. Give it to me now. Team 6!