A Nerd’s Commentary on the 2015 Superbowl

Well, the Superbowl happened.

1. I’m sure people have a variety of pre-game rituals, but apparently mine has become flipping back and forth between the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet and the Kitten Bowl on Hallmark. This is probably the only time I have watched either of these two channels of my own volition. I can’t help myself. They’re so cute. They even had puppies named Miss Martian and Falcor. What geek wouldn’t fall in love?

2. For the actual game, I went over to my friend’s house. Everyone was rooting for the Seahawks except my buddy Lindsey because she’s a 49er fan, and the Seahawks knocked the 49ers out of the playoffs last year. Ostensibly, Lindsey was voting against them because they fought dirty, but let’s be real here. It’s all about grudges. Mind you, I’m not judging — my mom was voting for the Seahawks because she hasn’t forgiven the Patriots for a bad call made in their favor in a playoff game against the Raiders over ten years ago. I, personally, was voting against the Patriots because I find them boring, and because Seattle has cuter players.

Anyway, the game was enjoyable. A little weird. Like the Seahawks didn’t really show up, and then they definitely showed up, and then the Patriots made a comeback, and the Seahawks rallied, only to make an incredibly stupid decision on the one-yard line which cost them the game, and then Tom Brady got the MVP despite throwing two interceptions? I mean, it was more entertaining than watching the Seattle Seahawks just annihilating the Denver Broncos last year, but still. Strange game.

Ultimately, what’s really important to takeaway here is that Captain America beat Star-Lord. Football being such an American sport, perhaps this was a foregone conclusion.

3. The best part about the Superbowl, of course, was not the game itself or even the commercials (oh, we’ll get to those), but the Key & Peele special that aired on Friday (but that we watched after the game).

Timothy Omundson is always a pleasant surprise, but Allison Janney was just the best. ALL HAIL QUEEN ALLISON JANNEY.

4. The half-time show was surprisingly pretty awesome. Honestly, I don’t have much opinion on Katy Perry one way or another — I don’t hate her music, but it’s also not really my thing. I probably only actually knew two of those songs. (I get this a lot at work. People are like, “Oh, no, you must know this song; EVERYBODY knows this song,” and I’m like, “Has someone used it in a movie or commercial lately? Otherwise, I probably don’t.”) Anyway, I rarely get excited about the half-time show — Radiohead, Amanda Palmer, and Arcade Fire just don’t seem like very likely future candidates.

Regardless, Katy Perry put on one hell of a show. Ridiculous, yes. She came out on a giant metal tiger/lion (apparently, there’s been some debate) while wearing an ugly dress that I can only assume was inspired by “girl on fire” fashion.  Then she danced around with these pretty awesome human chess pieces, and later there were frightening dancing sharks and beach balls? I mean, this shit was nuts. Plus, we were also treated to musical cameos by Missy Elliot and Lenny Kravitz. (I like Missy Elliot. Meanwhile, Kravitz singing “I Kissed a Girl” sort of takes something from the intent of the song, and yet . . . he looked and sounded so damn good doing it. I couldn’t quite bring myself to care.)

Also, Katy Perry rode around on The More You Know Star. In case this performance just wasn’t weird enough.

5. Finally, the commercials seemed pretty lackluster this year. I’m sure I said that last year too, but between the depressing dead kid commercial, the car on Viagra commercial, and the commercial where Jeff Bridges creepily sat near unconscious people, I just wasn’t quite feeling it. (Although, ha! I knew that was Mr. Yukimura! Tom Choi’s tweet about four years of acting school paying off was particularly hilarious.)

A lot of people seemed to like the Coke-spreads-happiness commercial, presumably because it sends a positive message. As someone who has actually killed a computer by spilling soda on it, I’m here to say, “Fuck you, Coke. You’re a lying liar who lies.” Also, the Snickers commercial was kind of funny, but I’d have liked it better if Danny Trejo had enacted his bloody revenge before eating his Snickers. That would have been funny.

Clearly, the best commercial goes to Liam Neeson for some game that I’ve never heard of.

I might actually consider looking into this game. Next year, people? Let’s do more of this.

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