The lackluster Superbowl ads this year got me to thinking about the most disturbing of all commercials: Skittles commercials. For you, for science, and for the sake of liberty itself, I decided that I needed to investigate further.
What I discovered is that not every Skittles commercial is downright terrifying — I do, after all, like the Midas Touch one; I mean, I cracked up. “He’ll never see his family again.” DYING here. But most of the commercials are, well. Concerning. I highly suspect that everybody in the Skittles’ advertising department was entirely weaned on LSD and The Island of Doctor Moreau. (Not a completely unlikely possibility. The company has an unhealthy obsession with milking things.)
Here are seven of the creepier commercials I found.
7. “Pigeon People”
This one weirds me out a bit — because, hey, it’s weird — but I’ll admit, for Skittles, it’s actually fairly tame. After all, the pigeons are just abnormally sized and wearing human clothes. The true human/animal abominations come next.
6. “Sheep Boys”
What I want to know is this: after they went home that night, were the actors involved just genuinely grateful for the paycheck, or were they sitting in a dark corner somewhere, weeping through their favorite Shakespearean soliloquies, and wondering, “What in God’s name has happened to my life? I used to have a dream. I used to be an ACTOR.”
It’s not really the telekinesis that disturbs me here, or even the hand that pops off. It’s the expression on the telekinetic’s face, particularly near the end of the ad. The other guy is super obnoxious, sure, but the telekinetic dude is just . . . skeevy. I’m sure the actor is actually a very nice man, but picture this dude wearing that “Hey, baby” expression on his face whilst eating Skittles near an elementary school.
Admit it, you just shuddered, didn’t you?
This particularly Skittles commercials comes from Russia, and while the crazy Jamaican man is supposedly milking the giraffe . . . look, I don’t know where a giraffe keeps his udders, but that’s not a location I associate with milk. (Keeping up with the lactation theme is this more famous Skittles commercial, which is also weird but didn’t quite make the cut.)
3. “Give Momma a Smile”
When I came up with the idea of creating this list, this particular commercial is the one that immediately sprang to mind. I even remember the first time I watched it — it stuck out because I adore Beth Grant in all things, and because I was not yet familiar with the candy company’s penchant for inappropriate touching and sticking unwanted things inside the human body. I personally referred to this as the Bad Touch Skittles ad for years.
2. “Prehensile Beard”
And yet, somehow I think I find this one even more disturbing. The guy’s creepy ass beard is weird enough — like even before he starts to feed himself with it — but then he feeds the woman interviewing him too AND gently caresses her face? Oh my God, I feel violated just watching this.
1. “Hit Me Again, Tube Sock!”
And finally . . . what in the holy fuck is this?