Coming Soon-Ish: Deadpool, the Suicide Squad, and the Immortal Vin Diesel

Deadpool

Warning: This is the red-band trailer. Definitely NSFW.

Dude. This looks AWESOME.

I wasn’t real familiar with Deadpool when X-Men: Origins came out, so while any number of things about that movie enraged me (adamantium bullets, for instance), I didn’t have any particular nerd fury for the bullshit that happened to Deadpool himself. Of course since then I’ve learned a bit more about the Merc with the Mouth, and I’ve been excited to see Ryan Reynolds in a real Deadpool movie for years.

And this? This looks pretty on point. Foul language, mindless violence. Extra snarky breaking of the fourth wall. “You look like Freddy Kreuger fucked a topographical map of Utah” is now one of my favorite lines of all time.

Captain America: Civil War? You officially have competition for Most Anticipated Movie of 2016.

Suicide Squad

Okay, this trailer came out forever ago, but it’s been a while since I posted one of these things and I don’t think I ever covered it. So. Basic impressions?

A. The music’s awesome.

B. I’m definitely feeling Harley Quinn in this.

C. I’m not really feeling Amanda Waller yet, and I’m not entirely sure why. I swear, it’s not just because Viola Davis isn’t CCH Pounder. Probably. I know Davis is a hell of an actress, and she totally might grow on me. Still kind of wish she’d put on some weight for the role, though.

D. The bad guy in the Batman mask cracked me up.

E. I don’t know if I’m quite as excited as other people are (or were, when the trailer was actually fresh), but I’m sure I’ll see it in theater.

F. The Joker’s working for me so far. I kind of want to steal some purple gloves from the hospital and Five Minute Cosplay this shit. (Er. But with a shirt on. There will be no Topless Five Minute Cosplays around here.)

The Last Witchhunter

Okay, this is some goofy shit. Obviously, I’ll have to see it.

Riddick is an immortal witch hunter. Frodo is a sidekick priest. Ygritte is a dreamwalker, and Michael Caine . . . well, he’s Michael Caine, so, mentor. (Secretly villain mentor? Or just soon-to-be dead mentor? It’s hard to tell, this early in the game.) Also, while I didn’t notice her in the trailer, Bex Taylor-Klaus is apparently somewhere in this, so yeah. I want to see it.

Be the glorious cheese you appear to be, The Last Witchhunter. Be ridiculous as all get out.

Spectre

If I’m being honest, this trailer doesn’t do much for me. Not that it’s bad, just . . . you know. I watched it, I shrugged, I moved on. I’m only a so-so James Bond fan to begin with, though, so I suppose that isn’t so surprising. Still, I’ll probably see it, unless it gets some pretty spectacularly negative reviews. I did like Skyfall pretty well, although I didn’t think it was perfect by any means.

I will say this, though: at some point in my life, I’d really love to ominously tell someone, “It was me, James. The author of all your pain.” That’s some badass shit, right there. I should sneak up behind my co-workers and whisper that. Oooh, no, I should whisper it to patients! That’s definitely the kind of behavior that won’t get me fired.

And finally . . . The Martian

The actual trailer for this movie came out about a month ago, but I’ve been really enjoying watching these little video introductions to the characters. In this one, a psychologist interviews the crew after they’ve each spent ten days in isolation. Having read the book, I feel qualified to say that both the tone and the characters seem spot-on, particularly Mark Watney and Commander Lewis.

I’m actually really looking forward to this movie. There’s a lot I enjoyed about reading The Martian, but I also had a number of hang-ups with the prose and, well, let’s just call them punctuation idiosyncrasies. These aren’t likely to be problems in a film adaptation, though, so I’m very curious to see if I might enjoy the movie more than the book. This has happened before, but only when I’ve watched the movie first. I’ve never read a book, then seen the movie, and thought, You know what? The movie was better.

Will this be the movie to break that trend? Guess we’ll find out in October.

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