Coming Soon-Ish: Final Girls, Boy Scouts, and Quentin Tarantino

The Final Girls

Okay, so, this movie was basically made for me. It’s like Scream meets Last Action Hero, or The Purple Rose of Cairo. I know some people are tired of the whole meta-horror comedy thing, but what can I say? That shit’s where I live, and I’m actually pretty interested in the whole mother/daughter storyline here. It sort of adds a new angle, and I think it’s awesome when parodies like this have something more going on underneath, something with a little heart. Whether it’ll be effective or not, I couldn’t say, but I’m interested regardless.

My main concern here is that this trailer’s giving away all the best parts for free. (“I want chainsaws and big ass knives, and I want them now.” YES. Excellent, Nina Dobrev.) But hopefully not. I want to see this, and I want it to be good.

The Scouts Guide to the Apocalypse

Unfortunately, I’m a lot less into this particular horror comedy. (And pretty NSFW, by the way.) I want to be excited about it — I mean, come on, it’s Boy Scouts vs Zombies!  — but after that trailer, I’m just like, Okay, so we’ve got one token hot chick badass, plus three stereotypically pathetic nerd boys, and some huge zombie tits. Uh, yay?

Of course, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this movie will surprise me by being totally awesome. But my interest just took a pretty sharp nosedive.

Victor Frankenstein

I’m not sure what tone I expected Victor Frankenstein to have, exactly, but I’ll admit . . . that wasn’t it. Honestly, I could still totally watch this movie — I’m kind of digging James McAvoy and Daniel Radcliffe’s lighthearted banter — but at this point, I think it’s probably for the best that I keep my expectations low because it’s kind of looking like a hot mess. Although maybe that’s not fair. Maybe I’m simply judging it on some of the weirder monster shit, which immediately reminded me of Van Helsing — NOT one of my favorites.

Also, when McAvoy says, “It’s . . . alive!” I’m like, “What is? The Creature, or Harry Potter’s Stupid Hair?” I mean, look at that mop. It’s completely ridiculous, almost as ridiculous as Daniel Radcliffe’s current actual beard. I say this knowing that I have green/black/blonde/blue hair right now and probably no right to speak to anyone, but . . . no. Just no, honey. You have lovely features, and the razor is your friend.

The Witch

I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here (other than, you know, super spooky shit), but I feel like this movie might have come into being by somebody watching The Village and thinking, “Fuck you, Shyamalan. I’m taking this shit and making it EERIE.”

There is just a ton of creepy imagery packed into this trailer, and some of it looks pretty disturbing. I wouldn’t mind a better idea of the actual plot, but I could potentially check this one out.

The Keeping Room

This actually also looks pretty interesting, too. Westerns (like most genres that aren’t romantic comedies or family dramas) rarely have multiple lead female characters, but here there appear to be three, defending themselves and their home against Sam Worthington . . . and yes, while Sam Worthington is almost always an automatic strike against the film these days, well, who knows? Maybe playing a villain will give him a spark of personality.

Either way, I’m kind of into this. I’d love to see more feminist westerns, and some of the cinematography looks absolutely stunning.

And finally . . . The Hateful Eight

Now notice how many women are in this western? Yup. That’d be one. She also doesn’t say a damn thing, either, and I don’t know if that’s because her character’s mute or just isn’t worthy of speaking in this trailer. (I could Google, but, like, effort.) Then again, I did laugh pretty hard at all her waving hello and pantomiming death, so it’s not all bad. (Just . . . it’s possibly not a coincidence that Kill Bill and Death Proof — you know, the ones where the female characters easily outnumber the men — are some of my favorite Tarantino films.)

Still, let’s not even pretend that I’m going to skip Quentin Tarantino’s next movie. Obviously I’m going to watch it. The setup looks like a lot of fun, and there are a ton of actors I really enjoy, although I’m basically bucking myself up now for Walton Goggins’s inevitable demise. (I just love the actor so. Surely, I’ve doomed him by my adoration.)

Could a ticket to The Hateful Eight be a Christmas present to myself? Maybe. Sure beats The Polar Express, anyway.


Worst. Christmas Movie. EVER. If you haven’t seen it, consider yourself lucky. It is the schmaltziest crap of all time. Stay away. STAY AWAY.

7 thoughts on “Coming Soon-Ish: Final Girls, Boy Scouts, and Quentin Tarantino

  1. The mother/daughter relationship in “Final Girls” looks really interesting and it looks like it’s going to be very funny too. Which is precisely why I am not terribly interested in the Scouts zombie comedy. That scouts movie just feels crass and obnoxious. It would be okay if the characters were crass and obnoxious and that was part of the joke, like Simon Pegg’s character in The World’s End who is often the butt of the joke because he’s terrible.

    Sounds like we’re both similarly confused about “The Witch”. Like, um… atmosphere! That’s good! Is there a story? Is the film ABOUT anything? (I have a real problem with ghost movies and I can’t help but feel this is going to have similar issues to that. “Oooh supernatural stuff with no rules and it’ll all work towards some conclusion which makes sense to the filmmakers but has no logical progression whatsoever.” – I hope I’m wrong.)

    “The Keeping Room” has Brit Marling! She’s a writer AND an actor (and has even done some directing, she’s amazing). Brit Marling tends to choose cool projects. Doesn’t mean it’ll be amazing, but certainly makes it worth watching.

    And yeah, “Hateful Eight” looks great.

    • Man, I wanted to like The World’s End, but I just . . . didn’t. Parts of it, yeah, but Simon Pegg’s obnoxiousness in that movie drove me nuts. Like, I agree with you, I understood what they were doing and it’s a different kind of crassness than what the boy scout movie appears to be going for — but I hated that guy so much that I just didn’t CARE about anything that happened to him. (I had other problems, but that was a big one.)

      Heh, agreed. If it’s all atmosphere and no story, I’m generally not a huge fan. But there could be one here — the trailer just refuses to tell you anything about it.

      I’ve heard the name Brit Marling, but I don’t think I’ve seen her in anything yet. Nope, take that back, she was in an episode of Community, but I don’t remember it super well. Pretty interested in this movie, though.

  2. Those are some nice trailers for The Final Girls (meta horror comedy is kinda also where I live), The Keeping Room, The Hateful Eight, and The Witch. I’ll probably be seeing all four of those, sooner or later.

    I found a premise for The Witch – although it took three tries, as the first two weren’t much more descriptive than “bad shit happens to a puritanical family and they fall apart.” This is from Rotten Tomatoes:

    “A devoutly Christian family in 1630’s New England, struggles to survive living along the edge of a vast wilderness. When one of their five children goes missing and their life-sustaining crops fail, they fall victim to paranoia and fear as they begin to turn on one another. The decimation of their family unit creates an opportunity for incredible evil to emerge and attempt to destroy them all.”

    The Scouts’ Guide To The Apocalypse seems like it was written by a couple of teenage boys. And I would’ve thought they would kick ass by like, laying traps and Being Prepared and stuff. You know, actual Scout things. It just looks like they’ll turn into more generic nerdy action heroes. Also, as a former Cub Scout (my mum made me quit when I got a couple of scratches on my leg, so I never made it to full Scout) it bothers me a little that they apparently always wear their uniforms, instead of just when they’re doing attending Scout events or doing Scout things.

    I must confess that the zombie cats all sticking their paws under the door made me laugh, but I felt a little bad about it afterwards. And those were some bad prop cats, man.

    • That plot description for The Witch doesn’t do a whole lot for me. I could still try it, but I have a sneaking suspicion it’s going to be, like, almost a literary horror movie and I’m going to be annoyed by it and its ending. Is that weird that I’m predicting it will have an ending that will annoy me? I’m specifically assuming it will be vague and desolate and not much else. (Probably just by typing these words, though, I’ll prove myself wrong.)

      I know! I’m so disappointed there doesn’t appear to be any actual Boy Scout Be Prepared trap things! These guys feel very generic, and uber generic nerd boys are not my favorite flavor of protagonist these days.

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