Well, Key & Peele is now over, which means two things: one, the world is weeping, and two, it’s time for everyone on the internet to post lists of their favorite Key & Peele sketches. (Actually, that’s not true. The time to do that, apparently, was yesterday while leading up to the Big Finale, but I prefer to be fashionably late, cause, like. I was doing stuff yesterday.)
Anyway. Here are fifteen of my favorites, although full disclosure: they aren’t in any kind of order, and there’s a more than decent chance that I’ve forgotten some. Also, many (if not most) of these are uncensored, so beware. Profanity and hilarity follow.
1. Sexy Vampires
This is, hands down, easily one of my favorite skits. Admittedly, if I ever became a vampire, I’m probably use that as an excuse to buy myself some black leather pants that lace up on the sides, but still. Practicality is a virtue, and hissing is just annoying. Also, Brother Tyrell probably has my favorite reason for becoming a vampire ever.
2. Text Message Confusion
Because come on. We’ve all been there. Er. Haven’t we?
3. Family Matters
The funny thing is, I actually watched Family Matters when I was a kid, but I honestly don’t remember any of it, so watching this, I was like . . . wait, was there really a transformation machine?
It doesn’t matter. This gets dark and twisted SO FAST, I love it. And Tyler James Williams as Jaleel White? So fantastically funny and creepy. I definitely want to watch this kid in more stuff.
4. The Batmans
I like all of the sketches about the super excitable valets, of course, but this one’s probably my favorite. “See, how are you supposed to block a batarang from going in your butt with a carefully crafted query?”
On Key & Peele, they only ask the important questions.
5. Neil deGrasse Tyson
Man, I don’t even watch Cosmos — I know, I’m a terrible nerd (although, in my defense, I’m not really that kind of nerd) — and I thought these sketches were hysterical. If you didn’t see this episode itself, the clip above is basically like part three of a three-part joke, but really, I’m counting all of them. They’re in the same episode, so it’s not cheating.
6. Dad’s Hollywood Secret
It’s so painful and so awful and so funny, all at the same time.
7. Slow Brotion
Okay, this one’s just silly, but it makes me crack up every single time I watch it. It’s one of my “I’m in a bad mood and I want something happy, damn it” videos.
8. Power Falcons
Yeah, I’m just a sucker for Power Rangers nostalgia. Man, I loved that show when I was nine, that terrible, terrible show. Also: “That’s racist? Aw, see, forget it. Black Falcon out — GREEN Falcon! Green Falcon, DAMN IT!”
9. Alien Imposters
“Was he an alien too?”
10. Menstruation Orientation
Usually, a couple of guys making period jokes? Not my favorite thing in the world, and by that, I mean I usually want to punch those guys in their annoying male faces. (Nope, I already know all the jokes you want to make now, men. Please don’t comment with them. I promise you I’ve already heard it before.) But this, this works for me. There are definitely some men who should have to sit through orientations like this. Or, alternatively, they could just have a plague of locusts fly out of their dick.
11. East/West Bowl 3 – Pro Edition – Superbowl Special
Honestly, Key & Peele’s entire Superbowl Special was probably the best thing about the big game last year (especially every snippet we got with Queen Allison Janney). But here I’m just focusing on their East/West Bowl skit because of all of the various East/West Bowl skits on Key & Peele, this one has to be my favorite. I love that they threw actual football players into the mix this time around.
12. Civil War Re-Enactment
For the life of me, I cannot find an official version of this video — why, I don’t know, since it appears that every other Key & Peele sketch ever made is available through Comedy Central on Youtube. Anyway, I’m including this one here (until it inevitably gets taken down) because — as a Californian who is more than a little baffled at the constant glorification of the Confederacy — it is absolutely one of my favorites.
13. Aerobics Meltdown
Okay, I don’t even know how you come up with the idea to set a tale of attempted murder and vengeance to an 80’s jazzercise talent show, but obviously we need more ideas like it.
14. Dungeons & Dragons & Bitches
Okay, apparently I spoke too soon when I said that every Key & Peele sketch could be found on Youtube because I can’t even find a shitty bootleg copy of this one. So, if you want to see what happens when Kanye the Giant joins the D&D quest, go here. And you should because it’s pretty great.
15. Obama’s Anger Translator – Meet Luther
Finally, it was just too hard to pick between all the awesome Obama/Luther sketches, so I just said, “Fuck it,” and went with the original, although I came really close to picking this one introducing Michelle Obama’s anger translator instead. But honestly, every single one of these sketches is pretty awesome. Can you believe we had a speech where the actual President had Luther translating for him? Man, that was amazing.
Christ, I’m not looking forward to the 2016 election at all.
But anyway, that’s what I’ve got for you today. Any other Key & Peele fans out there? Lemme know what skits would have gone on your top-whatever list.