Coming Soonish: Monsters, Legends, Huntsmen, and CIVIL WAR!!!!

Captain America: Civil War

Ah, fandom. Half of it’s like “STEVE AND BUCKY 4EVER!” and half of it’s like “ZOMG, did you SEE Black Panther?” But I’m just sitting here, alone and weeping, like, “But . . . but . . . so was I?” Actually, there are billions of Tony/Steve shippers out there, so I assume they’re crying with me, but for some reason I haven’t seen much from them so far. I guess I have more Stucky shippers on Twitter. (Also, I don’t really ship Tony and Steve, but I have such a huge thing for them being antagonistic friends who totally need each other, and this trailer is breaking my heart, damn it.)

All in all, Civil War looks pretty awesome. Of course, so did Age of Ultron, which isn’t even fair because that was pretty awesome; it just could’ve been better, and I still find that I’m disappointed in it. But I’m into this movie, despite myself. I think my main concerns remain the same:

a) I really need them to sell me on Tony being all pro-registration, because even with his presumed Ultron guilt, that’s a hard sell.

b) I need to really feel like both sides have a point because if half our heroes turn into assholes for no reason at all, I’m gonna be pissed.

c) I want Bruce Banner, goddamn it. (This is less of a serious concern and more of a personal woe because I’m a Banner fangirl, but also because not having him in a story where General Thunderbolt Ross is a major player kind of bugs me. Besides, can you imagine the Stark Spangled Banner angst? It would be INCREDIBLE.)

Obviously, I’m going to watch the hell out of Civil War. But it’s always hard, managing fangirl squee and realistic expectations. (I know, I know. First world nerd problems.)

DC Legends of Tomorrow

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Marvel/DC Movie/TV divide . . .

I’m not quite as psyched about this as other people, but I’m definitely going to give it a shot, especially considering I watch Arrow and Flash even when they continuously annoy me. (In Arrow’s defense, it’s been annoying me a lot less this season. Although it’s still only November. It has time.)

My thoughts on this particular trailer are as follows:

A. Vandal Savage kind of reminds me of Evil Jesus.

B. Heat Wave doesn’t appear to be toning it down even a little, and this concerns me. I’m not sure I can deal with Dominic Purcell at a 1000% intensity every single episode. I have a hard enough time dealing with him when he guest stars on The Flash as it is. Maybe he’ll be a big surprise death early on? (Also, Atom has an excellent point about trusting these dudes with a time machine.)

C. Boo, Hawkman. Although that’s not really fair. I just hated him on JLU, and presumably he’s not even the same Hawkman, considering Hawkgirl isn’t the same Hawkgirl. (I’m still deeply disappointed by this, but hopefully I’ll like Kendra, or at least become less resentful of her. It’s just, I loved Shayera, damn it. She was my very favorite on that show, second only to Batman, and Kevin Conroy’s Batman, even, who is obviously the best of all Batmans.)

D. I’m interested to see how/if this show will ever fuck with the other shows’ timelines, considering they’re apparently going to mess up shit in the past, and Arrow and Flash are both in the same universe. (And especially because Cisco’s whole deal has to do with parallel timelines/worlds and whatnot.) I might be over thinking it, though, because it’s not like Arrow and Flash can reboot their whole series every time someone on Legends screws up and saves someone who’s supposed to die or whatever. Still. I’m curious.

E. RORY!!!!!!!!!

The Forest

Like any sane person, I love Natalie Dormer and want to see more of her, but I can’t help but find this trailer pretty underwhelming. Maybe it’s because I just read a book set in Aokigahara that was chockfull of great, creepy-as-fuck imagery, but this looks incredibly generic to me. Nothing about it seems interesting: not the story, not the cinematography, certainly not the white (and almost certain) love interest. I mean, it’s not Gods of Egypt bad or anything–if you look at the cast on IMDB, you will actually see Asian people in it–but I can’t help but feel like it might not have been a terrible idea, having at least one of your leads be Japanese in a horror movie set in Japan.

Maybe this one’s better than it looks, but right now, my interest level is at zero, even with Natalie Dormer and Aokigahara involved.

A Monster Calls

Man, this looks gorgeous. Which is not at all surprising, considering J.A. Bayona (El Orfanato) directed it. The trailer above is only a teaser (not shocking, as the movie doesn’t come out for another year), but I’m already pretty excited about it, especially because of Bayona, and also because it’s based on a Patrick Ness book. (I haven’t read any of his work yet, but it’s on my to-do list. I’m especially interested in The Rest of Us Just Live Here.)

I’ve got to say, though: I’ve already seen a handful of these dark and beautiful fantasies where the main kid (or one of the main kids, anyway) tragically dies, and while I like those particular stories . . . I’m really hoping this one goes a different way.

Moonwalkers

And then there’s this. (NSFW, people.)

Moonwalkers looks very weird. Potentially funny, but possibly not my kind of humor, which is unfortunate since a movie about Ron Perlman and Rupert Grint very badly trying to fake the moon landing sounds kind of awesome. I’m all for the gory violence, but it’s clearly a WTF movie, and those come in so many shades.  I’m worried this one might end up being too surreal acid trip for my tastes. I got kind of a weird Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas vibe from it, and that was one of the very rare movies I actually didn’t finish. (Admittedly, it’s been roughly twelve years since I last tried it.)

Still, this is potentially interesting. I’ll be curious to see reviews and go from there.

And finally . . . The Huntsman: Winter’s War

Oh, seriously, what the hell.

Guys. GUYS. Snow White and The Huntsman? Not a good movie. It’s a pretty terrible movie, actually, so the fact that it’s getting a sequel at all is a little weird to me, but the people who are starring in it, like, WHY? I’ll give Charlize Theron and Chris Hemsworth the benefit of the doubt and assume they were contractually obligated to return, but Emily Blunt? Jessica Chastain? You are better than this. How much are they paying you compared to the millions of dollars you could be making working on anything else?

And man, do I need people to stop pretending that Kristen Stewart’s absence will make this movie so much better, like she was the only reason the first movie failed, cause seriously. What total horseshit. I’m not a huge Stewart fan myself, but she is far from the worst thing about that movie. Pretty much everything was a fail. Thin plot. Logic holes the size of Venus. Chris Hemsworth’s supposedly Scottish accent. The poor casting choice of the dwarves. The complete plot irrelevance of the dwarves. Snow’s supposedly inspirational speech and, oh yes, Charlize Theron herself. I’m sorry, guys. I ADORE Theron after Fury Road, just like the rest of the internet, but her performance in Snow White is TERRIBLE. And not only is she back, but it appears that evil baby sister Emily Blunt is going to mimic Theron’s performance by taaaaaalking liiiiiike THISSSSSS the whole time. (On a semi-related note, I wonder if they’ll remember to mention the Wicked Queen’s dead brother from the first movie. I say they forget.)

I feel like I should talk some about the apparent plot of this movie, but . . . it just looks so silly and contrived. It’s apparently not a prequel, though, like I originally thought–which is just as well, since Jessica Chastain’s character is the only one I’m even remotely interested in, and that would mean she’s the Huntsman’s tragically dead wife. On the other hand, Wikipedia tells me that Snow White chose Will after all, and while the ending technically does leave the love triangle open . . . come on, guys, everyone knows that Will was no serious threat to Magic Lips Hemsworth. (Amusingly, Will is going to be in this movie too, even though Snow White isn’t. Like, what?)

If I actually end up watching this, it’s definitely going to be another drinking game night.

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10 Responses to Coming Soonish: Monsters, Legends, Huntsmen, and CIVIL WAR!!!!

  1. Teacups says:

    I asked my friend who’s read the comics how Tony Stark ended up championing the registration act – I would’ve thought he’d be anti-registration, if only because he doesn’t like government organizations (or anyone else, really) getting up in his shit and telling him what to do. My friend says that at this point, Tony was actually the head of SHIELD, and so was basically just being a giant hypocrite now that he was the one in charge. He also said that Tony was a huge tyrant in that story, who was pretty obviously in the wrong.

    …I hope the movie’s different. Because yeah, a clearly-wrong side and a clearly-right side isn’t going to work for me here – plus, I think it’s a pretty morally ambiguous issue to begin with, and I’d like to see that represented. I too am curious to see how they’re going to explain Tony being pro-registration without him heading SHIELD, though.

    At least now Arrow and The Flash have a built-in excuse for any continuity issues. I just want to see the writers trying to explain away how every error is due to a change in the timeline.
    “TPTB, why is it that Felicity said in the first season that she’s scared of kangaroos, but in the fifth season, she found the rogue kangaroo hopping about Starling to be “cute”?”
    “Uh, yes. Well, over on Legends Of Tomorrow, Sara travelled back in time – offscreen – and saved Young Felicity from… getting scratched by an angry koala at the zoo. It was the Australian exhibit, and Sara was wearing a realistic kangaroo costume at the time. Because she was undercover. This heroic mysterious kangaroo made Young Felicity get over her lifelong fear of them. Shit, is that how phobias work?”

    What was that book set in Aokigahara called? I was intrigued by The Forest’s trailer when I realised it was set in the suicide forest, but you’re right, it doesn’t otherwise look like a very good movie. If this book’s better, I’d be interested in checking that out.

    • Heroic Mysterious Kangaroos should be a band name. That’s all I’m saying here.

      It’s called The Suffering by Rin Chupeko. It’s a YA horror novel, but it’s also a sequel, so if you’re interested, you should probably read the first one first: The Girl in the Well. Mind you, I did not do this because I did not realize it was a sequel until I’d already gotten home and was like, “Screw it.” But I really liked The Suffering a lot, so now I want to go back and read the first one.

      • Teacups says:

        I looked them up, and they sound interesting. I’ll have to check them out.

        I echo your booing of Hawkman. I’ve never seen Justice League Unlimited, but I just watched the Flash/Arrow crossover, and found His Royal Featheryness to be a condescending, controlling, deeply unlikable douchenozzle.

        I especially hated him when Kendra asked if they’d ever committed suicide so Savage couldn’t kill them himself, and instead of answering, Carter just told her that this was why HE usually makes the plans. It was actually a really good question – if Savage needs to kill them himself to feed off of their life energy, or has any other special requirements, they could starve him to death. Suicide doesn’t have to be Plan A, even with reincarnation, but if they were seconds away from being killed anyway… Between that moment and his insistence in the first episode that only HE could save Kendra and they didn’t need any superheroes’ help, I’m thinking Carter making the plans is why they’ve lost to Savage 206 times in a row.

        • He’s a different kind of obnoxious in JLA. Hawkgirl’s origin is wildly different in the cartoon; she’s an alien, for starters. I guess those two have some of the most convoluted comic book origins ever? Anyway, he comes in as a guest star later with his whole reincarnated Egyptian shtick, and it’s never fully clear (or at least wasn’t to me) if any of that’s real or if he’s just possibly mentally ill. In Flash/Arrow, yeah. Mostly just a douchenozzle.

          THAT WAS MY EXACT THOUGHT. It killed me that Kendra proposed a reasonable, if depressing, solution, and then Carter didn’t actually answer it. I’m presuming this is because the creators didn’t actually have an answer, and that was their attempt at hanging a lampshade. But also, yeah, Carter’s plans clearly haven’t been working out for them so well. But he doesn’t seem to have picked up on that little trend.

  2. George says:

    *Disclaimer: Steve Rogers forever*.

    ‘So was I.’
    It’s a great line from Tony, but it’s back to the fact that Tony is a bit of a social fuck up (he has Pepper, WarMachine and had Jarvis as friends), whereas Steve’s only lack of friends is that most are dead. I’m not a shipper of either (Steve & Bucky’s bromance is epic, mind) and I see Steve viewing Tony as a work colleague and Tony viewing Steve as a friend.

    I mentioned this last time we talked about Ultron (I think?), but so many people – Tony included – dismiss Steve as some precious little toy soldier from a safer past, all Norman Rockwell niceness. Bucky though, he was there before, and during WWII, he knows what they went through and how horrible a war it was. That’s a pretty strong bond.

    Still, I am so excited for this film. I did enjoy Ultron, but some of the biggest flaws was the stuffing of about 10 links and hat tips to other films into it. Hopefully Civil War won’t be as problematic. My favourite non-Avengers movies are pretty much Iron Man 1, and then the two Cap films. (The less said about the Thor films, the better, and I found Iron Man 2 & 3 of worsening quality).

    As for Legends of Tomorrow – now my disclaimer is DC Forever!!
    As much as I love how well Marvel are doing – it’s about time DC did something good. Arrow is okay (it has *serious* issues though), I enjoy Flash, Supergirl is starting to show some chops, so I’m hopeful for this one. My biggest issue is I really dislike those Prison Break guys. Such ham actors. Then again, I bloody adore Brandon Routh as Atom. Nice to see him out of Arrow’s shadow. The premise is interesting, too, and Vandal Savage was always a superb villain. I’m not sure, but I *think* this might all take place on Earth-Two, which might help with Flarrow continuity. Savage was originally an E2 person (he isn’t at the min, but you know comics and retconning).

    Of the films – A Monster Calls is the one that made me most excited. I *love* Patrick Ness (I’ve bought The Rest of Us Just Live Here for 3 friends for Christmas), so I’m hoping they do a good job with this book. That trailer looks very sweet!

    • Ugh, okay, extremely late reply.

      Oh, I totally agree–if Cap has to choose sides between Bucky and Tony, there’s no question he’s choosing Bucky. Like, I wouldn’t believe another choice, and I DO see Steve viewing Tony as a friend. Bucky still comes first. But my fangirl heart’s still gonna be like, “Aw, Tony.”

      (Non-Avengers movies: The Winter Soldier is easily my favorite; in fact, it’s second only to The Avengers itself in the whole lineup. I agree the first Iron Man is the best. I actually like 3 better than 2, but I admit both have some problems. The first Captain America has grown on me considerably, but still drives me nuts in some respects. And I think I like the Thor movies better than you, but I also have to admit I’ve only watched both of them one time each.)

      Damn it, I WANT to like Supergirl. It’s getting better for me, and then it will do something to drive me nuts again. Last episode, for instance: the big twist with Hank Henshaw? I was SO INTO THAT. And then Winn’s like, “Wah, Kara, I don’t believe in you anymore because you were all making eyes with this other dude who’s got a GF, like I even give a shit about that; it’s clearly because you aren’t kissing ME, but I can’t say that, so I’ll just whine instead about how heroes don’t get to have happy romances or something?” UGH.

      You know, I’ve got to say, Captain Cold’s hammy is actually starting to grow on me. I wasn’t a huge fan at first, but sometimes I can’t help myself. The cocoa thing on The Flash this week cracked me up. Heat Wave, on the other hand, still has a way to go for me. And unfortunately, I need Vandal Savage to seriously step up his game. I was not particularly impressed by him on the crossover. It’s feeling kind of Ra’s Al Ghul to me all over again. (That’s interesting about Earth-Two, though. I hadn’t thought of that.)

  3. Fatpie42 says:

    Civil War looks pretty amazing. I was worried I wouldn’t care about the whole “should superheroes register or not” BS, but I actually seem to be getting into it… because I completely support Tony. I mean, after the Paris attacks, it seems like the obvious choice. What happens when you let people bearing dangerous weapons work without accountability. (Heck, this even links to the protests against police brutality really, doesn’t it? Who watches the watchmen, right?)

    I’m a little worried because it looks like the film wants me to side with Cap and he still feels ridiculously naive for someone who is supposed to have lived through WWII, as well as seeming way too wishy-washy to be a strong leader. (I feel somewhat vindicated in my view here seeing as one person I follow on LJ who has served in Israeli intelligence operations ALSO seems to think Captain America is a terrible leader.) But the question of whether there will be balanced sides looks pretty clear in the trailer. When Tony says “I was your friend” and then gets the shit beaten out of him, I am totally on Tony’s side. I wonder if they’ll make that seem a little more ambiguous in the movie, because in the trailer I am totally peeved with Cap in that moment. You absolutely shouldn’t leave a known terrorist who has killed countless people (the winter soldier) running free just because you “think he’s changed”. There has to be accountability.

    Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope you are having an awesome time! 😀

    • Extremely late reply, sorry. Thanks for the birthday wishes!

      I’m . . . not sure I’m seeing the analogy to the Paris attacks, myself. I do think there are honest arguments that can be made on both side, and I’m hoping the movie makes them. Accountability is important, sure, but so is mad scientist level brainwashing. Security is important, yes, but so are civil liberties. I think the biggest thing against Tony at this point is that Known Terrible Human Being General Ross is apparently at the helm. Following his lead seems pretty sketchy to me. Hopefully, though, in the movie, this will mostly play better.

  4. Bryan says:

    I’m really glad someone else asked about that book, because I was curious, too. If you notice that I’m not commenting on the Civil War trailer, it’s because I haven’t seen it yet. I’m currently still excited for Star Wars, and I think it’s at least in part because after that teaser trailer, I’ve avoided everything else. I’ve had to leave the room a few times, but I’m hoping to make it all the way to the movie without seeing half of it over and over and over again before the release. It’s been an interesting little experiment that I’m hoping to repeat with Civil War.

    • I haven’t been going out of my way to avoid trailers, but I also haven’t been paying a lot of attention to them, either. I don’t feel like I have a very good grasp of the plot or the characters, and that’s working fine for me. I won’t be able to see it the day it comes out, unfortunately, but maybe that weekend or the next week.

      Usually, my rule is one trailer, maybe two, and that’s it. But then I’ll watch them repeatedly if it’s something I’m obsessed with because I just can’t help myself.

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