Coming Soon-Ish: Rogue One, Farting Corpses, And A Handful of Fairy Tales

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Dude. I so want that white cape.

I’ve got to admit, I’m pretty into this. The teaser is a lot of fun. I actually wasn’t expecting a female lead. (Two female leads, one right after the other? My God, man. What kind of crazy feminism is this?) And like my friend George pointed out, this story looks like it’s much more focused on rebels and blasters and dangerous missions than mystical Jedi antics. Not that mystical Jedi antics can’t be fun, but, well. The Jedi can also be dicks. I’m definitely excited to see more rebel scum.

Now we just need a Star Wars movie starring a woman who isn’t a petite white brunette. I mean, I like petite white brunettes. I am a petite white brunette. (Well, okay. Petite’s stretching it, but I’m not tall.) But variety’s good for the soul, not to mention the whole non-white female fanbase. So here’s to hoping the next female badass isn’t Caucasian.

Swiss Army Man

I’ll give Daniel Radcliffe this much: I never know what the hell that kid is going to do next.

This looks . . . I think ‘weird’ is the only word you can use to describe this one. And not just a little weird, but very, very, very weird. I honest to God don’t know quite what to make of it, but I have to admit I’m interested. You just don’t see a lot of movies about the peculiar friendships between stranded, possibly crazy men and corpses who occasionally talk and fart. You know? That just doesn’t come standard.

I can’t decide whether I think this is going to be a beautiful mess, pretentious bullshit, or pure genius. But it’ll probably be one of the three.

The Curse of Sleeping Beauty

So, this is some indie VOD film I read about on io9, and while I wouldn’t put money down on it actually being good (I will probably never put money down on a fairy tale film being good; I’ve been burned too many times), I’ve got to admit, this looks intriguing. It’s basically Sleeping Beauty retold as a modern day haunted house story, and . . . yeah, I’m now kind of obsessed with the idea of turning fairy tales into ghost stories. Some of the imagery here is just gorgeous. There’s definitely some Guillermo del Toro shit going on in here . . . but then some stuff reminds me of The Cell, and some of it’s a little more, well, Pan? What I’m saying is, I’m not sure how cohesive this film is going to feel by the end.

But I’ve been very bored by the majority of fairy tale movies and this, at least, doesn’t look boring.

Tale of Tales

And hey! Here’s another fairy tale movie that actually looks pretty exciting.

It appears Tales of Tales came out sometime last year on the festival circuit, but is only coming out to theaters (in limited release, sadly) this month. It’s the first I’ve ever heard of it, anyway, and the costumes and art direction look gorgeous. From what I’ve read, this movie is actually three different stories that, unfortunately, don’t look like they interconnect. I generally much prefer interconnecting stories to anthology films that are only tied together by a theme or an idea, but hey, maybe this will be the movie to sell me on the latter. Anyway, I’m intrigued.

Lights Out

It basically looks like a creepier version of Darkness Falls, but with Teresa Palmer instead of Emma Caulfield and without  that whole unfortunate tooth fairy angle. Nothing I’d rush to see, certainly, but a potential for Bloody Hearts somewhere down the road. (Or maybe it’s much better than that–there seems to be some minimal early buzz–but I’m not getting my hopes up just yet. Some of it looks satisfyingly creepy. Other bits, kind of generic.)

Finally . . . Electra Woman and Dyna Girl

So, this looks fun. I guess it’s based off some old camptastic 70’s series which I’ve never heard of but should probably look into, maybe after finally making myself watch some super grim superheroes battle it out in A Theater Near You?

I’m not totally sure if this reboot is an internet series, TV series, or movie, but the trailer did make me smile. It kind of reminds me of Josie and the Pussycats, but with superheroes instead of pop stars. (Also, sadly, no Rosario Dawson. Seriously, if it was up to me, Rosario Dawson would probably be in everything.) Anyway, I could potentially check it out at some point when I need a laugh.

4 thoughts on “Coming Soon-Ish: Rogue One, Farting Corpses, And A Handful of Fairy Tales

  1. All of these caught my attention, at the very least.

    I haven’t seen Castaway, but Swiss Army Man sort of looks like if you took that movie and replaced Wilson the volleyball with a corpse. And if you saw Tom Hanks’ hallucinations of what Wilson was doing.

    Lights Out is adapted from a short (like, a couple of minutes long) horror film that was pretty cool. IDK if it’ll be any good as a feature film, but the idea is scary.

    I was confused by that bit where the kid’s mum asks if she woke him up, and he’s confused and the music indicates that this should be a DUN! moment. I don’t understand what’s supposed to be scary about that – although I’m assuming the DUN! is coming from the dialogue, and not from the creaking sounds the kid heard just beforehand.

    • I also never got around to Castaway and have no plans to really ever get to it in the future. Funny how much difference substituting Paul Dano for Tom Hanks and dead Daniel Radcliffe for a volleyball makes in ratcheting up my interest.

      Just watched the short film, and I love that she taped the light! That made me laugh.

      • On the one hand, I like that she taped the light, but on the other, I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE STILL WENT TO BED AFTER SEEING THAT THING. Wouldn’t you want to be sleeping literally anywhere else for the night? It wasn’t even like it was something she just caught a glimpse of, and could’ve imagined – either it was real, or she was having full-on hallucinations.

        I get that fixing that issue would’ve made it a longer film, so hopefully the theatrical adaptation will be different. It seems like the woman is following them around in that, anyway, and moving house or whatever wouldn’t do anything?

        • Taping the light was good. Staying in the house, less so. Once you see a ghost in your home, you go to a friend’s, a doctor’s, or–at the very least–a Motel 6. Survival skills, people. 🙂

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