I wanted to write a tribute to Carrie Fisher, who passed away this morning at the age of 60, but I honestly don’t know what to say. This hits me harder than I would have expected, probably harder than it would have a couple of years ago, when I only knew her as Princess Leia from the Star Wars movies and Sally’s Friend from When Harry Met Sally–but didn’t really know her as an author and a script doctor and a mental health advocate and an otherwise hilariously and wonderfully brazen, outspoken woman. (Which isn’t to knock Star Wars or When Harry Met Sally as unworthy reasons to love her–Leia is a goddamn feminist icon, and I think watching When Harry Met Sally is the first time I realized how funny Carrie Fisher could be.) Basically every interview I’ve read or seen of her in the past couple of years has made me love her even more, making me all the more sorry she’s gone. It’s silly to say that you were just getting to know someone you never met and, in all likelihood, were never going to meet, but still . . . today hurts.

Since eloquence isn’t my strong suit and I’ve never been particularly adept at moving, inspirational memorials, I kind of wanted to do a fun tribute, like, for instance, a Five Minute Princess Leia Cosplay, preferably from A New Hope.

There were multiple problems with this.

• I have exactly one white dress, or off-white dress, that doesn’t look anything like Leia’s dress at all.
• In fact, nothing in my wardrobe looks remotely like anything in Leia’s wardrobe.
• I currently have blue-and-green hair.
• I am the WORST at hair. You’d think someone who changes it as much as I do would be able to style it. You’d be mistaken.

Regardless, I tried it out. It didn’t go well. Like, it went pretty hysterically badly. But I just started having fun with it, playing around with my fake assault rifle, taking my glasses on and off, laughing at my bullshit hair buns, changing from my off-white dress to my actually-white bathrobe, etc. Here’s what I got.

RIP, Carrie Fisher. I’m grateful the world had you at all, but so sad you left us so soon.