As an avid TV watcher, I think it’s important to occasionally pause and reflect on some of the lessons that television has taught me over the years. And now, just because I can, I will share some of those lessons with you.
1. Misfits: The most dangerous job in the world is probation officer.
2. Teen Wolf: Parents are the best. Teachers, though, are the fucking worst, so FEAR THEM.
3. Entire Berlanti Universe: Never keep secrets. Seriously, just stop.
4. Game of Thrones: Don’t go to weddings. Or, honestly, any public gathering of any kind.
5. Voltron: Legendary Defender: Never fear. In a moment of crisis, when all hope seems lost, your lion will tell you what to do.
6. Goblin: You’re never too old to be petty.
7. Star Trek (like, all of them): Every event that will ever happen in an alien society, no matter how far in the future, has a thematically parallel event in human history, especially around the 20th century.
8. Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes: Sometimes, it’s up to the non-powered member of the team to save the day. Like, a lot of time. Pretty much all the time, really.
9. Batman: Label makers are your friend.
10. Riverdale: It’s all about the maple syrup, baby.*
(I should probably wait to watch the Riverdale finale tonight before posting this, but . . . to hell with it. I get way too much joy out of merely hearing the words “maple syrup” now thanks to this show.)