Okay, people! It’s that time again: I present the 2016-2017 TV Superlatives!
Rules are basically the same as they were last year. To be eligible for these super duper prestigious awards, a show must have begun its season sometime between June 1st, 2016 and June 1st, 2017. This means that shows like Killjoys and Dark Matter aren’t eligible for their current seasons, but are eligible for seasons that aired last summer. Meanwhile, Voltron: Legendary Defender managed to sneak in both its first and second seasons, while shows that would normally be eligible, like Game of Thrones and Orphan Black, won’t show up here today because they both postponed their premiere dates. And because my fiendish buddy Alyc got me into kdramas, I’ll also be including any Korean shows I watched that originally aired within that June-to-June timeframe. (So far as I can tell, it only includes a couple. Most of the shows I’ve checked out so far aired in 2015 or earlier.)
With that all settled, let’s get started.
You may find mild spoilers here–like, if you don’t want to know anything about a show you haven’t seen, be cautious–but Big Time Spoiler Awards (Best Death, for instance) won’t appear until the Spoiler Section. Peruse at your own peril.
Winn – Supergirl
Supergirl has made a lot of improvements with its second season, and one of those improvements is definitely Winn. Last season his unrequited Nice Guy crush on Kara had, well, problems. Now that he’s no longer a love interest, Winn has become pretty awesome. He is, as most nerd characters are, the voice of the audience, and his partnership with James has been a huge highlight for me. Guardian is an okay superhero, but Winn makes for a great sidekick. If Season 3 can just make up some excuse to have him singing Celine Dion, then all will be right with the world. (Come on, Music Meister. You know you wanna make it happen!)
Honorable Mentions: Coytar (The Expanse); Dustin (Stranger Things); Mason (Teen Wolf); Cisco (The Flash); Claire (Luke Cage); Eric (Santa Clarita Diet); Corran (Voltron: Legendary Defender)
FAVORITE NEW CHARACTER ON A PRE-EXISTING SHOW
Bobbie – The Expanse
I liked Bobbie pretty much immediately. Part of that’s pure physicality: while badass comes in all shapes and sizes, it’s especially refreshing to see someone who isn’t a size 0 playing a Marine who kicks ass all day and night. But as the season went on, I really grew to love Bobbie for much more than just that. I was wholly invested in how her need for answers warred with her duty as a Martian soldier. I was equally invested in her quest to see the ocean, and I loved every single scene she shared with Chrisjen. Bobbie’s a badass, and she’s compelling, and I look forward to seeing much more of her. Especially if cucumber sandwiches are involved.
Honorable Mention: Nyx (Dark Matter); Zoe (Scream); Maggie (Supergirl); Mon-El (Supergirl); Lena Luthor (Supergirl); Amaya (Legends of Tomorrow); Aida (Agents of SHIELD); Mace (Agents of SHIELD); Robbie Reyes (Agents of SHIELD)
WORST FEMALE CHARACTER
Iris – The Flash
I want to be perfectly clear here: this has absolutely nothing to do with Candice Patton’s acting abilities. In fact, whenever the show allows her to be anyone other than The Woman Barry Loves (nope, I’m never, ever letting go of that BS line), my God, she shines. The problem is that the show can’t seem to figure out how to write Iris as both a love interest and her own person at the same time, which while not exactly an original problem on the CW, remains infuriating. Season 2 seemed to me a slight improvement over Season 1, making me hope that we were at least moving in the right direction, especially considering the huge improvements to Caitlin’s character in Season 3.
Unfortunately, Season 3 also proved that The Flash can only handle character development for one female character per season. And Christ, did Iris lose out this year.
I don’t object to the fact that the back half of third season is all about trying to save Iris. I object because in the, what, 14 episodes dedicated to the subject, exactly one deals solely with her feelings on the matter. ONE. The entire subplot is about 75% Barry’s angst, 15% Joe’s angst, 9% Wally’s angst, and 1% Iris’s angst. It is such bullshit. Iris is such a non-character that she’s barely a part of her own storyline.
Candice Patton deserves so much better than this crap.
Honorable Mentions: Tessa (American Gothic); Emma (Dead of Summer); Rory (Gilmore Girls)
Goblin & Reaper – Goblin
Despite wanting to edit the holy hell out of it sometimes and make each episode at least 10 minutes shorter, Mek and I kind of fell in love with Goblin this year. A huge part of that (like, at least 85% in my case) is due to the antagonistic yet absolutely adorable bromance between these two dudes.
I can’t get into the full extent of the complicated relationship between these guys without spoilers. I can say, however, that I love so many of the little moments between them, like how Reaper clearly doesn’t want Goblin to move away, no matter what he says to the contrary, or the scene where Goblin keeps asking for Reaper’s opinions on his varied outfits and accessories, refusing to let the poor guy sleep. Ooh, or when Goblin makes Reaper these these ridiculous apple slices to try and cheer him up. Or when the two walk together in the tunnel like models. That was just the best.
There was a lot of other stuff going on in this show and I enjoyed a good deal of it, but yeah. Goblin was ALL about the bromance for me.
Honorable Mention: Mike & Dustin & Lucas & Will (Stranger Things); Ravi & Major (iZombie); Winn & James (Supergirl); Oliver & Diggle (Arrow); Scott & Stiles (Teen Wolf); Mick & Ray (Legends of Tomorrow)
Betty & Veronica – Riverdale
Riverdale is a hot mess of a show with some really fun aspects and some really annoying aspects, but one of my favorite things about it is the friendship between these two girls. The boring jealousy/love triangle stuff is handled in the second episode; after that, these two are investigating peoples’ cars, giving each other pep talks, and, of course, luring stupid boys into jacuzzis and getting damning information/syrupy revenge on them. This is the kind of shit I live for, so here’s to hoping for more awesome Nancy Drew action next season!
Honorable Mentions: Lena & Kara (Supergirl); Audrey & Emma (Scream); Rory & Paris (Gilmore Girls); Veronica & Cheryl (Riverdale); Liv & Peyton (iZombie); Eun-tak & Sunny (Goblin); Jemma & Daisy (Agents of SHIELD); Bong-Soon & Gyeong-Shim (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon)
FAVORITE NON-CANON SHIP
Mick/Vixen – Legends of Tomorrow
This was supposed to be canon. I was so sure this was going to be canon. Dominic Purcell and Maisie Richardson-Sellers had a lot of these small, great moments together, not to mention fantastic natural chemistry. I was so pleased that the show had learned from their mistakes last season and were actually taking the time to develop a relationship between the two instead of just suddenly and awkwardly throwing them together and stamping their relationship with the L-word.
Unfortunately, that’s not at all what happened. Instead, Vixen abruptly gets together with another dude on the team (one who she has zero chemistry with, BTW) in a manner that I completely didn’t buy, and it’s just . . . lame. The show had something awesome brewing, but instead of realizing that and/or listening to all the fans saying “this is awesome,” they went full speed ahead with their two-year streak of having some of the most boring romances on television. Good job, guys.
Honorable Mentions: Keith/Lance (Voltron: Legends of Tomorrow); Blake/Yang (RWBY); Melissa/Sheriff (Teen Wolf); Ezekiel/Cassandra (The Librarians)
East’s Amazing Red Dress (Emerald City); Reaper’s Hat (Goblin); Damien Darhk’s Miami Vice Suit (Legends of Tomorrow); Julius Kent’s Planetary Vest (Elementary) Misty Knight’s Final Look (Luke Cage)
Ah, the first of the ridiculous five-way ties. Sadly, this probably won’t be the last of them. (Honestly, it should be a six-way tie or seven-way tie, but I thought putting Chrisjen’s Whole Wardrobe from The Expanse or Joan’s Whole Wardrobe from Elementary would be cheating. Next year, however, I just might do it.)
I watched a whole one episode of Emerald City, and all I really remember about it now was that a) I kinda hated Hot Scarecrow and b) the fashion was amazing. Specifically, the Wicked Witch of the East’s flowing red gown with that crazy black feathery thing (look, I like clothes, but that doesn’t mean I know anything about fashion terminology) and those gold gloves, like, oh my God. I’m pretty sure this is what you wear to the Met Gala no matter what the theme is.
Meanwhile, while I generally appreciate Reaper’s whole look (black leather coat, trim black suit, etc.), it’s his hat that I specifically and desperately want. (Especially if it could make me invisible, but I suspect that one isn’t on the market.) You know there’s a whole website dedicated to telling fans where they can buy Reaper’s clothes that doesn’t include the hat? It’s a travesty, people.
Then we have Damien Darhk’s flashback to the 80’s Miami Vice suit (complete with a pair of sunglasses, of course), which made me laugh so hard. I couldn’t not put it on the list. It’s pretty much the same reason Owain Yeoman and his Amazing Planetary vest makes it to the top spot, considering it leads to the following dry banter:
Julius: “You know if it weren’t for me, our friend Sherlock would still think that the sun revolves around the Earth.”
Sherlock: “I was eight when I made that mistake. You chose to wear that vest this morning.”
Julius: “It was a gift from a fan. How could I resist?”
Sherlock: “With self-respect.”
Finally, Misty Knight pays homage to the comics (whilst presumably foreshadowing what she’ll be up to in the second season) with her gorgeous hair and badass red outfit. It lasts like five seconds, but it’s such a power moment, and really makes me eager to see her upcoming arc in Season Two.
Honorable Mentions: Dutch’s Evil Criminal Outfit (Killjoys); Android’s Undercover Human Look (Dark Matter); Five’s Corporate Undercover Look (Dark Matter); Sarah’s Dress in Nazi-Occupied Paris (Legends of Tomorrow); Veronica’s Cape (Riverdale); Veronica’s Pussycat Ears (Riverdale); Betty’s Black Wig (Riverdale); Joan’s Detective Ties (Elementary); Joan’s Black Coat (Elementary); Joan’s Skirt in “Be My Guest” (Elementary); Joan’s plaid coat and dark hat (Elementary); Joan’s black coat with white buttons (Elementary); Blake’s New White Coat (RWBY); Yang’s New Sunglasses (RWBY); Nora’s New Outfit (RWBY); Ren’s New Outfit (RWBY); Glinda’s White Dress With Veil (Emerald City); Wizard Council’s Head Gear (Emerald City); Chrisjen’s blue and gold dress (The Expanse); Chrisjen’s black and gold dress (The Expanse); Killer Frost In Hospital Whites (The Flash); Killer Frost’s New Look (The Flash); Madame Hydra’s Green Shirt and Matching Lock of Hair (Agents of SHIELD); Luke’s Escape-From-Prison Homage Outfit (Luke Cage); Clown Librarians (The Librarians); Media’s Ziggy Stardust look (American Gods); Media’s Marilyn Monroe Look (American Gods); Media’s Lucille Ball look (American Gods); Samshin Granny’s Red Pantsuit (Goblin); Laurel’s Wedding Dress (Arrow); Lance’s Anti-Mind Control Jellyfish Hat (Voltron: Legendary Defender); Bong Soon’s Pink Superhero Hoodie (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon)
Citizen Steel’s Uniform (Legends of Tomorrow) and Cassandra’s Terrible Outfit (The Librarians)
Look, a lot of superheroes have silly uniforms, and I’ll give most a pass. This, though, I mean, come on, what IS this? I’m half-convinced that there was a deleted scene where the Legends time-travelled back to the early 1990’s and stole this uniform off the set of American Gladiators. It’s like the worst football uniform met the worst skater pads and had the worst clearance sporting goods baby. And that mask, I mean, good God, WHY? How can you leave the house in that thing? Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Because you should be, Nate. You absolutely should be.
Meanwhile, I’ll admit that I rarely if ever understand what the hell Cassandra is wearing or why she thinks it’s acceptable to put three clearly clashing pieces together with a bit of frill or lace to make it “whimsical,” but this outfit seems especially awful to me. The giant floral print dress isn’t really my style, but it’s fine on its own, unless you wear it under a powder blue cardigan and over some patterned, white, ruffled top with a high collar. Oh, and with a teal blue belt that matches absolutely nothing else she’s wearing . . . and is that ugly yellow plastic thing part of the dress itself, or is it a statement necklace, and if so, what is the statement? The best visionaries wear half the clothes they own together at the same time? No. Just no.
Honorable Mentions: Barb’s Mom Jeans (Stranger Things); Adrian’s Banana Yellow Prison Suit (Arrow); Archie’s Letterman Jacket At Jason’s Memorial (Riverdale); Deok-Hwa’s Awful Mustard Suit With Gray Accents (Goblin); Goblin’s Yellow Sweater Vest Over Black Turtleneck (Goblin); Bong-soon’s pink ruffled shirt with a white floral vest and a red kerchief tie thing (Strong Woman Do Bong-Soon)
BEST BATTLE SCENE
“Paint it Black” Gun Battle – Westworld
Probably NSFW due to gory violence.
Look, this is just a damn cool gun battle, scored to perfection with Ramin Djawadi’s cover of “Paint it Black” and highlighting this show’s best scene stealer, Armistice, not to mention Maeve and her total disdain for the whole scenario. Man, I love her and Armistice both. Forget that dude in the black hat; these two are the badasses worth watching.
Honorable Mentions: Blake & Sun vs. Sea Grimm (RWBY); Ren, Nora, Jaune, & Ruby vs. Nuckelavee Grimm (RWBY)
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS MOMENT
Garrett and Creepy Nephew take a field trip to the morgue – American Gothic
This is a very small moment from a one-season summer show that probably no one remembers but me, but thinking about it still cracks me up. So.
Garrett is in the hospital. His creepy little kid nephew is visiting him and wants to see a dead body. So Garrett takes Creepy Nephew down to the morgue. How they easily find the morgue, or why no one seems to notice an inpatient in a hospital gown and scrubs who’s also attached to an IV pole and escorting a small child to said morgue are questions that go unanswered by this show.
Garrett and Creepy Nephew crack open the door to the morgue and immediately see an autopsy taking place. One might think that the door would be locked and/or have some kind of key code. One might also think that autopsies probably don’t take place five feet in front of the main door where anyone wandering inside might trip right into the corpse. But apparently one is wrong because that’s exactly what happens. Meanwhile, the autopsy is a teaching autopsy, and it’s important to note that the teacher’s hair lands somewhere between Mad Composer and Mad Scientist. He’s explaining the procedure to maybe eight or so students, all awkwardly standing around, hunched over, or leaning away from the body. Everyone in the room is wearing black scrubs for presumably symbolic reasons. They’re also wearing very limited PPE because all you really need is gloves, right?
Look, I’ve never seen an autopsy. Pretty sure they don’t do them at my hospital. We’re a pretty small place, and I’ve seen walk-in-closets that are three times the size of our morgue. But I’m gonna take a stab and suggest that this whole scenario might be a wee bit improbable. At the very least, I laughed for a solid five minutes, and I don’t think the show expected me to be quite that amused.
Honorable Mentions: The Super Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Nazi (Legends of Tomorrow); Evil Amy keeps referring to Camp Stillwater as home and NO ONE finds it weird (Dead of Summer); The less-than-ominous Darkhold (Agents of SHIELD); Bong Soon throws the bomb into the sky, which somehow makes it become fireworks (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon) CGI Australia—or CGI anywhere, really (The Librarians); Nate’s twitching abs as he massages Annalise’s feet (How To Get Away With Murder); Post-workout Nate is SUPER oily (How To Get Away With Murder); NAZI WEREWOLF FACE (Teen Wolf); Unsubtly introducing us to Nazi Germany through a swastika-imprinted glass (Teen Wolf); George Lucas wig and fake beard (Legends of Tomorrow); The Hood refuses to turn around as everything explodes behind him (Arrow); Wolf Mask Stage Fright (Riverdale); Er, anytime an animal attacks ever (Zoo)
“Bulletproof Love” – Method Man (Luke Cage); “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” – Hank Aaron (The Expanse)
Small disclaimer first: if you click on the link and go to Youtube, “Bulletproof Love” does have some Luke Cage spoilers.
So when it comes to music, my go-tos really aren’t rap or country. I like a few songs here and there, but I’m much more of a rock/alternative/sometimes electronic and the odd Broadway or Disney tune kind of girl. The Honorable Mentions category is full of stuff that’s much more my usual jam, like Shirley Manson, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Cage the Elephant, Zoe Keating, and the holy genius that is Ramin Djawadi.
But these specific songs worked so well for their respective scenes/shows that I had to pick them. “Bulletproof Love” is a goddamn anthem, hitting at the heart of why Luke Cage is such an important show as well as being an entertaining one. “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry,” meanwhile, is a considerably less serious pick, but it’s hard to imagine a more appropriate song for a dude so bored alone on a spaceship that he’s playing zero gravity drinking games. It’s both hilarious and a surprisingly gorgeously shot scene.
Honorable Mentions: “The Killing Moon” – Echo and the Bunneymen (Dead of Summer); “Super Friends” – Grant Gustin and Melissa Benoist (Duet); “Bloodline” – Mark Lanagan (Elementary); “Updraught” – Zoe Keating (Elementary); “Queen of the Bored” – Brian Reitzel feat. Shirley Manson (American Gods); “In the Pines” – Brian Reitzel & Mark Lanegan (American Gods); “I Put A Spell on You” – Brian Reitzel feat. Mark Lanagan (American Gods); “Burn” – Cody Crump (How To Get Away With Murder); “My Body” – Perfume Genius (How To Get Away With Murder); “Amnesia” (Goblin); “Good Morning” – The Puppini Sisters (Santa Clarita Diet); “Paint it Black” – Ramin Djawadi (Westworld); “This World” – Ramin Djawadi (Westworld); “Exit Music (For A Film)” – Ramin Djawadi (Westworld); “Long Live the Chief” – Jidenna (Luke Cage); “Ain’t it a Sin” – Charles Bradley (Luke Cage); “100 Days, 100 Nights” – Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings; “Trouble” – Cage the Elephant (Santa Clarita Diet); “Buena Vista” – JEEN (Killjoys); “Hourglass” – S U R V I V E (Riverdale); “Muddy Water” – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (Riverdale); “Smooth” (iZombie)
FAVORITE NEW SHOW
Stranger Things, Luke Cage, and Voltron: Legendary Defender
Look, this is an improvement over a couple of years ago, where I’m pretty sure I had a five-way tie for this award.
None of my favorite new shows are without their problems, but they’re all shows I’ve really gotten into. I’ve probably re-watched Voltron: Legendary Defender the most, and it’s certainly the one that became The Biggest Fanfiction Spiral. (Though that’s really no surprise: there are currently upwards of 18,000 Voltron fics on Archive right now, compared to around 1,200 for Stranger Things and 200 for Luke Cage.) What can I say? Apparently I’m a sucker for team dynamics, space battles, and mystical bonds with robotic lions–two of these things I already knew about myself–even if this show also has to win for WORST HEART KNOWLEDGE, like, seriously, there aren’t even other contenders. In this case, the Heart Knowledge is definitely Lion Knowledge.
But Stranger Things is kind of a geek paradise, has a lot of pretty awesome characters, creepy moments, and introduced Eleven into my life, who I obviously desperately needed. (Not to mention it takes first place for FAVORITE TITLE CARD/OPENING CREDITS for hopefully obvious reasons.) And Luke Cage is a fantastic superhero show from a walk of life my white, small town, Californian ass doesn’t know anything about. It’s smart, well-crafted, a lot of fun, and boasts one of the most diverse casts currently on television, which is why it also wins for FAVORITE SUPERHERO SHOW.
I am more than eager for all of these shows to return for their next seasons.
Honorable Mentions For Favorite New Show: Westworld; American Gods; Goblin; Santa Clarita Diet
Honorable Mentions for Favorite Title Card/Opening Credits: Killjoys
Honorable Mentions For Favorite Superhero Show: Legends of Tomorrow; Agents of SHIELD
MOST IMPROVED SHOW
Legends of Tomorrow
There are not words to describe how much this show improved since last season. That’s not to say it’s perfect, as I already complained about its continued failures with romantic relationships, but for the most part it’s actually a lot of fun. The show embraced its absurdity with gusto, like with missions to the Civil War where, whoops, there are zombies! We got rid of the worst characters, we vastly improved our villains, and we gave the captainship to Sara, who makes for a far more compelling leader.
Last year I was more than willing to give this show up. This year, it was one of the consistent highlights of my television week.
Honorable Mentions: Scream; Dark Matter; How To Get Away With Murder; Supergirl
Unfortunately, that’s basically all I can discuss without the threat of spoilers. (It’s frustrating. Basically everything I wanted to write about seemed to be spoiler-heavy this year.) There are lots of categories left, though, so I hope you read them. Just, you know. Due caution.
No time to waste. Let’s just get right on to it.
FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER
Eleven (Stranger Things); Pidge (Voltron: Legendary Defender); Maeve (Westworld); Chrisjen (The Expanse)
I find it interesting that, in general, I always have way more nominees for this award in television than I do in movies. In this case, I have so many nominees that I narrowed it down to four and then just gave up.
Each of these ladies are badass in their own way. Eleven is basically a superhero who’s constantly saving the boys’ lives, not to mention has the best facial reactions of all time. (Seriously. Millie Bobbie Brown is also taking BEST CASTING.) Pidge is a spunky tech genius who, despite being the only girl Paladin, hasn’t been romantically linked to any of the other boys, and has her own personal agenda to boot. Maeve is the best android, period, like Dolores is okay, sure, but Maeve and her bloody journey towards power and self-actualization? Awesome. And between Chrisjen’s gorgeous wardrobe, magnificent scheming, and husky-voiced threats to destroy entire generations of families, she is the most badass character on a show not exactly short of total badasses.
Honorable Mentions for Favorite Female Character: Mariah (Luke Cage); Misty Knight (Luke Cage); Claire (Luke Cage); The Android (Dark Matter); May (Agents of SHIELD); Aida (Agents of SHIELD); Jemma (Agents of SHIELD); Emily Gilmore (Gilmore Girls); Paris Gellar (Gilmore Girls); Raven (The 100); Octavia (The 100); Laura Moon (American Gods); Malia (Teen Wolf); Melissa (Teen Wolf); Alex (Supergirl); Sara (Legends of Tomorrow); Abby (Santa Clarita Diet); Michaela (How To Get Away With Murder); Bonnie (How To Get Away With Murder); Joan (Elementary); Mrs. Cooper (Riverdale); Cheryl (Riverdale); Yang (RWBY); Nora (RWBY); Naomi (The Expanse); Bobbie (The Expanse); Pawter (Killjoys)
Honorable Mentions For Best Casting: Gillian Anderson (American Gods); Mallory Jansen (Agents of SHIELD); Skeet Ulrich (Riverdale); Tony Todd (Dead of Summer); Winona Ryder (Stranger Things); Tyler Hoechlin (Supergirl); Susan Walters (The Flash); Alfre Woodard (Luke Cage); Mahershala Ali (Luke Cage); Theo Rossi (Luke Cage); Orlando Jones (American Gods); Timothy Olyphant (Santa Clarita Diet); Thandie Newton (Westworld); Rose McIver (iZombie)
MOST IMPROVED CHARACTER
Caitlin Snow – The Flash
Caitlin’s not perfect. The show never really bothered to explain why her metahuman powers essentially gave her an evil split personality when pretty much no one else on the show has ever had this problem, and her turn against Savitar in the finale was far too rushed for my liking. That being said, Caitlin’s given more to do this year than she’s had in the past two years combined, I really love that she doesn’t turn 100% good again at the end of the season, and though I’d have been happy to see her without a love interest for at least one season, her relationship with Julian is actually pretty decent, like, they have chemistry and everything. Plus, all her Killer Frost looks are excellent.
Alas. If only Caitlin and Iris could both be cool at the same time.
Honorable Mentions: Pawter (Killjoys); Ray (Legends of Tomorrow); Rip (Legends of Tomorrow); Five (Dark Matter)
DOWNWARD SPIRAL CHARACTER
Rory – Gilmore Girls
Maybe it’s because I never quite finished the first seven seasons of Gilmore Girls (I gave up somewhere in the sixth, I think), but I don’t actually remember Rory being this consistently awful. I recently watched a good chunk of the first couple of seasons, and while she has annoying moments here or there, I like Rory for the most part.
And then I watched this.
Rory’s just grown up to be . . . terrible. I totally understand falling into a rut. I get that. I’ve been working the same job for over ten years, a job that has no real opportunities for career advancement and has absolutely nothing to do with what I love or went to school for. I live an hour from the town I grew up in, a place that, for the most part, I didn’t like all that much. I watch people my age with their houses and spouses and full-time careers and kids, and I think, Shit, is that where I’m supposed to be? Is that what I even want? Why am I so far behind everyone else?
So, yeah. I get falling into a rut. But Rory, who’s in her early 30’s just like me, refuses to take any responsibility for her damn life. She approaches her writing career like its all supposed to be easy, like opportunities should just come to her on the wind. She doesn’t bother to prepare for any of the opportunities that do come her way, and she’s somehow always flying back and forth from Europe, despite having no income of any kind. She makes the exact same mistakes in her love life that she was supposed to have figured out over ten years ago, and she treats her current boyfriend like crap, a gag that’s meant to be funny and wildly misses the mark. (This was a common problem for the revival: see also the egregious fat-shaming and The Play That Never Ended.) If Gilmore Girls had ended with Rory’s sudden, bloody demise (instead of the lame pregnancy twist I didn’t care about in the slightest), I honestly might have cheered. Especially if that led to Lorelei going on a glorious rampage of revenge; that, I would happily watch. Otherwise, I have no interest in continuing on with this show, which is why it’s also winning LEAST IMPROVED SHOW.
Honorable Mentions for Downward Spiral Character: Laurel (How To Get Away With Murder); Oliver (How To Get Away With Murder); Iris (The Flash)
Honorable Mentions for Least Improved Show: Elementary
Armistice (Westworld); Audrey (American Gods)
This was a very tough category, and Armistice was an early favorite. I took a shine to her pretty much immediately, right from that first gun battle where she completely stole the show from Hector. This pattern continued all the way through the first season, even in the season finale when she gets her arm trapped and tells the others to leave. Hector says, “Die well,” and she’s basically all, “Fuck dying, I’m just gonna cut off my arm and hop back to battle with my own blood all over my face.” Armistice is kind of the best.
But Audrey’s pretty amazing too. She isn’t the same kind of badass, no: there’s no mass murder or sawing off her own arm. She does help reattach the arm of her zombie ex-best friend, though. Seriously, people: Audrey’s scenes with Laura are like magic. They probably would have won Best Dynamic Duo, actually, if they’d had more time together. As is, Audrey still gets one of the show’s best lines: “Get out of my house, you zombie whore!” (Actually, my favorite line is really this: “Oh, fuck your feelings. Everyone has feelings. Everyone cares about what they feel. I don’t care about what you feel. I care about what you think.”) This is also why Betty Gilpin, my newest favorite person in the universe, also wins FAVORITE MULTI-EPISODE GUEST STAR.
Honorable Mentions for Scene Stealer: General Talbot (Agents of SHIELD); Agent Piper (Agents of SHIELD); Connie (Stranger Things); Cotyar (The Expanse); Lucy (Killjoys); Pree (Killjoys); Fancy (Killjoys); Marcus (Elementary); Bobby Fish (Luke Cage); Ren & Nora (RWBY); Rory (Arrow); Paris (Gilmore Girls); Qrow (RWBY); Cheryl’s Grandma (Riverdale); Kim Do-young (Goblin); Ramona (Santa Clarita Diet); Media (American Gods); Indra (The 100); Paris (Gilmore Girls)
Honorable Mentions for Multi-Episode Guest Star: Adrian Pasdar (Agents of SHIELD); Portia de Rossi (Santa Clarita Diet); Mayko Nguyen (Killjoys); Torri Higginson (Dark Matter); Ward (Agents of SHIELD); Jane Curtin (The Librarians); Daran Norris (iZombie); Jessica Harmon (iZombie); Ophelia Lovibond (Elementary); Tim Guinee (Elementary); Stephen Amell (Legends of Tomorrow, The Flash); Carlos Valdes (Arrow, Legends of Tomorrow); Victor Garber (The Flash); Wentworth Miller (The Flash); Cat Grant (Supergirl); Katie McGrath (Supergirl); Brenda Strong (Supergirl); Tyler Hoechlin (Supergirl)
Drew’s Mom – Dead of Summer
There were, as always, a lot of assholes on TV this year, but perhaps none quite so truly spectacularly awful as Drew’s Mom, who spent years misidentifying and not listening to her son before finally seeming to accept his gender identity . . . before moving away without a word, packing up the whole house and completely abandoning her teenage child. Way to be a garbage human being, Drew’s Mom.
Honorable Mentions: Jelco (Killjoys); Hayley (Scream); Emma’s Dad (Scream); Jonathan (Stranger Things) Steve (Stranger Things); Steve’s Friends (Stranger Things); Jackson’s Dad (Zoo); Logan (Westworld); Simon (How To Get Away With Murder); The Sheriff’s Father (Teen Wolf); Agent Whoever Who Tries to Screw Over Shinwell (Elementary); Eun-tak’s aunt and cousins (Goblin); Wang Yeo (Goblin); Jaha (The 100); Bong Soon’s Mom (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon);
Diamondback – Luke Cage
I love almost everything about Luke Cage. I love its heroes, I love its soundtrack, I love its fight scenes, I love its discussions of social injustice. As you’ll see shortly, I even love its villains . . . every villain, that is, but this one.
Diamondback, though . . . I just didn’t buy him, not ever, not once. I didn’t like any of his line deliveries. I didn’t find him intimidating. I didn’t find him compelling. I honestly can’t think of a single thing I did like about him, which is awfully harsh, but . . . I just really didn’t like the guy. The revelation that he’s Luke Cage’s half-brother? Meh. Like, who cares? Luke Cage is so much more interesting without this dude.
The only thing Diamondback had going for him was what I assumed was his imminent demise . . . only for that fucker to actually survive. This is why he also wins CHARACTER WHO NEEDS TO JUST DIE ALREADY, an award I wanted so badly to give to Jaha but at the end of the day just couldn’t, not with Diamondback still in play.
Honorable Mentions for Worst Villain: Amy (Dead of Summer); Nazi Werewolf (Teen Wolf); Prometheus (Arrow)
Honorable Mentions for Character Who Needs To Just Die Already: Jaha (The 100); Flynn (The Librarians)
Mariah & Shades – Luke Cage
I’m kind of cheating picking both of them, but I couldn’t quite make myself choose and they do work together for a lot of the story, so, to hell with it. Mariah is one of the most compelling characters on Luke Cage, which is saying something, and she’s one hell of an interesting villain. As much as I liked Mahershala Ali on this show–and I did–the moment Mariah killed his character? It was perfect. Her ascension to power is a beautiful thing to watch.
Meanwhile, I just loved Shades. He’s not as original of a villain as Mariah, but he’s still charismatic as hell, and I’m a sucker for loyal right hand man types, especially ones that are sick of their bosses not listening to them when they give out good advice. He’s ambitious and manipulative and I enjoyed the hell out of him. The two of them together are the epitome of a Power Couple; they’re also my FAVORITE CANON SHIP because I shipped no one this year like I shipped these two. Shady Mariah is and forever will be my jam until one or both of them horribly die. (I am prepared for the fact that one will likely kill the other in a big power play eventually, but I hope not. Frankly, I’m just shocked they both lived past this season. Shocked and overjoyed.)
Honorable Mentions For Favorite Villain: Aida/Madame Hydra/Ophelia (Agents of SHIELD); Delle Seyah (Killjoys); Cottonmouth (Luke Cage); The Legion of Doom (Legends of Tomorrow); Media (American Gods)
Honorable Mentions For Favorite Canon Ship: Drew/Blair (Dead of Summer); Noah/Zoe (Scream), Alex /Maggie (Supergirl); Mack/Yoyo (Agents of SHIELD); Coulson/May (Agents of SHIELD); Caitlin/Julian (The Flash); Rip/Gideon (Legends of Tomorrow); Eun-tak/Kim Shin (Goblin); Sunny/Reaper (Goblin); Felicity/Oliver (Arrow); Bong Soon & Min Hyuk (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon); Joel/Sheila (Santa Clarita Diet)
FAVORITE SINGLE EPISODE GUEST STAR
Alessandro Juliani – The 100
Not even gonna lie: this is for purely sentimental reasons. I’ve had a soft spot for Juliani since Battlestar Galactica, and I was super sad when he got killed off of The 100 last year. Sure, Imaginary Dead Mentors coming back to help the hero have a Realization Moment and save the day is overdone, but to hell with it, right? I always really liked Raven’s relationship with Sinclair, so I adored every moment we got to have with Sinclair helping Raven get her head on straight.
Honorable Mentions: Owain Yeoman (Elementary); Ken Marino (iZombie); Noshiko (Teen Wolf); Artemis Pebdani (Agents of SHIELD); Patton Oswalt (Agents of SHIELD); Chalia La Tour (Elementary); Susanna Thompson (Arrow); Felicia Day (The Librarians); Elisha Henig (The Librarians); Kristen Chenowith (American Gods); Nathan Fillion (Santa Clarita Diet)
FAVORITE PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP
Caitlin & Cisco – The Flash
I’ve always liked how Cisco and Caitlin’s affection and dependence upon one another has never once been based on romantic feels. Barry’s desperation to save Iris is pretty much solely because she’s The Woman He Loves (seriously, never gonna get tired of mocking that), but Cisco’s terrified of fighting Killer Frost for fear of accidentally killing Caitlin, and Caitlin ultimately turns on Savitar because she can’t stand to see Cisco killed. The Flash’s third season had many faults, but it focused a good chunk of time on these two and how much they need each other despite the absence of romantic or sexual attraction. It was nice to see.
Honorable Mentions: Dutch & Johnny (Killjoys); Ruby & Jaune (RWBY); Michaela & Connor (How To Get Away With Murder); Sara & Jax (Legends of Tomorrow); Eun-tak & Reaper (Goblin); Cricket and Blair (Dead of Summer); Jessie & Drew (Dead of Summer); Sherlock & Joan (Elementary); Cisco & Felicity (The Flash/Arrow); Fitz & Daisy (Agents of SHIELD)
BEST SIBLING RELATIONSHIP
Kara & Alex – Supergirl
For the second year running, Supergirl takes this award. Kara occasionally drives me crazy, but these two have so many nice moments together: when Alex comes out and Kara comforts her on the couch, when Kara stops the spaceship Alex is trapped on from disappearing to the other side of the universe, etc. I really don’t have a lot of shows right now that focus on siblings, much less sisters, so Kara and Alex’s relationship is always especially nice to see.
Honorable Mention: Johnny & D’avin (Killjoys); Oliver & Thea (Arrow); Goblin & Sunny (Goblin); Octavia & Bellamy (The 100)
BEST DYNAMIC DUO
Nora & Ren (RWBY); Chrisjen & Cotyar (The Expanse)
I’ve loved Nora & Ren since the beginning of this show, but Season 4 is the first time we’ve actually gotten a backstory for them. And not just any backstory: the Big Battle of the Season is with the Grimm that destroyed their village and killed Ren’s parents. I loved seeing Ren losing his shit (it happens so infrequently), and I especially loved seeing Nora force him to get his shit together. I’ve never been sure if I’m supposed to ship them or not (I don’t really, but I’d probably be okay if they got together), but either way, I just love these two.
Chrisjen and Cotyar make a very different kind of Dynamic Duo. Their relationship is definitely uneasier: Cotyar feels guilty for the death of Chrisjen’s dead son, and she’s definitely not above using that guilt for her own needs. At the same time, though, Cotyar isn’t exactly the type to get pushed around. They’re both snarky and dangerous, and they both give each other a tremendous amount of shit. They’re also both really funny to watch. It was a relief at the end of second season when neither died or betrayed one another, because while their alliance is unusual, it’s extremely entertaining to watch.
Honorable Mentions: Audrey & Noah (Scream); Three & Six (Dark Matter); Mick & George Washington (Legends of Tomorrow); Abby & Eric (Santa Clarita Diet); Lydia & Stiles (Teen Wolf); Betty & Jughead (Riverdale); Fitz & Simmons (Agents of SHIELD); Raven & Murphy (The 100); Laura & Audrey (American Gods); Laura & Mad Sweeney (American Gods); Alex & Amos (The Expanse); Amos & Meng (The Expanse)
BIGGEST JIMMY NOOOO MOMENT
Eun-tak (Goblin) & Pawter (Killjoys)
It’s not like I didn’t see these deaths coming, but ooof, did they hurt. Eun-tak’s death, at least, did feel like it fit the theme and arc of the show. I was sad . . . by which I mean I was fucking bawling because holy shit, she and Kim Shin just got together, and couldn’t they have had more than a month or whatever of happiness, you bastards, you utter bastards . . . but it didn’t strike me as being totally cheap, either, and it easily could have.
I will not be so kind about Pawter’s death; in fact, it’s also winning for WORST DEATH because it’s bullshit. Pawter was okay in first season, but she was such a badass in second. She had so much growth, so much development, all of which was abruptly cut off for Johnny Jacobi’s angst. And I like Johnny quite a bit, and sure, his revenge scene was pretty awesome, but a, this is such a deeply overused trope that I don’t even need to name it, and b, two minor female characters were already killed in the first season for this dude’s angst. I still like Killjoys, but I was so damn disappointed in the show because of this.
Honorable Mentions for Jimmy, NOOO: Cricket (Dead of Summer); Joel (Dead of Summer); Barb (Stranger Things); Zoe (Scream); Elsie (Westworld); Eobard Thawne (Legends of Tomorrow); Mace (Agents of SHIELD); Nyko (The 100)
Honorable Mentions for Worst Death: Joel (Dead of Summer); Natalie (iZombie)
The Disappearing Deer Trick – Stranger Things
Okay, so pretty much everything that happened in the woods was creepy, up to and including The Portal Tree and Nancy running around in the Upside Down. But even though they get knocked all the time, sometimes a well-placed jump scare works to perfection, and the one where the deer is suddenly pulled away? Yeah. That worked well for me.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say I ever thought Stranger Things was scary, exactly, but atmospheric and creepy? Absolutely. That’s one of the many things I loved about it.
Honorable Mentions: Scott and Stiles search the creepy house (Teen Wolf); Flies on the robot’s eyeball (Westworld); Flood of balloons in bathroom (Dead of Summer); The séance (Dead of Summer); Mysterious things appear behind Will in the shed (Stranger Things)
Octavia survives being stabbed and tossed off a cliff – The 100
This is the award for the character who walks off something that clearly can’t be walked off; perhaps their recovery is just ridiculously fast, or perhaps they should have been dead, oh my God, SO DEAD–but either way, it’s ludicrous. Octavia wins here for the latter type of Ressler Award after she is stabbed in the stomach and sent flying off a cliff into a river a bazillion feet below. Basically, it’s her Aragorn scene. No, it’s exactly her Aragorn scene, right up to being brought back to life and taken to safety by the goddamn horse.
On the plus side, she at least has the decency to be seriously injured for an episode or two . . . but come on, she should be DEAD. This is not a survivable thing. And yet, not only is she not dead, but five episodes later Octavia will be fighting in a Hunger Games type scenario with no hint of injury. Because, apparently, the only person in this show who really has to deal with lasting physical pain is Raven.
Honorable Mentions: Noah’s hospital stay after being stabbed and buried alive is, like, a day (Scream); Sherlock is full on hit by a car but is only momentarily stunned with no other injuries (Elementary); Keith is totally fine after being hit by a blast strong enough to knock a Lion out of commission (Voltron: Legendary Defender)
MOST COMICALLY TRAGIC CHARACTER
Jackson – Zoo
This is a new award, and I don’t know if I’ll ever use it again, but I just couldn’t let it go without comment. Last year, while my dad was living with us for a while, we ended up watching (most of) the second season of Zoo, which ended up being hilariously funny, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not so much. (People. If you need a pick-me-up, you have to watch the CGI animal attacks. They’re SO bad. It’s just the best.) And I couldn’t help but be struck by the insane amount of crap that happened to Jackson in such a short time period.
Check it: first, Jackson’s GF dies, which I actually almost forgot about because I didn’t start watching the show until shortly after that episode. That kind of thing could be a season’s worth of angst itself, but oh no, not here, not in Zoo. Then it turns out Jackson’s losing his mind because he’s been infected by the rage virus or whatever that’s made all the animals go evil. But he didn’t just get infected; nope, his evil dad purposefully infected him. Like, what a dick, right? He infected Jackson’s mom, too; unfortunately, not being a starring character, Mom doesn’t get the opportunity to regain her sanity. Instead, she kills a bunch of people and tries to kill Jackson too, who, naturally, is forced to kill her instead. Jackson really only gets about five seconds to deal with that trauma, though, because there’s so much more angst he needs to suffer. You see, Evil Dad didn’t infect Mom himself. He hired this guy to do it years ago. Unfortunately, that guy turns out to be Abraham, who’s actually Jackson’s best friend. Like, that’s rough, right? That should surely be enough? Nope, because then Evil Dad dies a redemptive death, causing even more man pain–except that Evil Dad’s death is only kind of redemptive because it turns out he’s actually made all of humanity sterile now. So Jackson gets to live with that too.
This all happens in one season. Hell, most of it happens in, like, six episodes. It’s the most ludicrous thing ever.
Emma’s Dad tries to bond with his daughter by stalking her (Scream); Archie, Betty, Jughead, and Veronica leave Cheryl alone after her suicide attempt (Riverdale); The President decides to take on Rhea while in Air Force One (Supergirl)
There are always a lot of contenders for this award. Much to my shock, though, neither The Flash nor Arrow are taking top place here. I’m not sure if that speaks more to their improvement, or everybody else on TV coming up with even dumber plans. I suspect it’s the latter.
So, Emma has only recently survived a masked murderer trying to kill her and all her friends. Her estranged father finds out about this and decides he wants to get back in touch with her, which I guess is nice. Unfortunately, he decides to approach this sensitive matter by getting in his car and creepily following Emma in the middle of the night. When she notices and appropriately freaks out, does he think to stop, maybe get out of the car and yell, “Whoops, my bad?” Maybe call her on her phone and say, “Sorry, honey, it’s just me?” Nope, he doesn’t so much as lean out the window before he starts chasing her in his car. And when he finally does talk to her face to face, this is what he says: “I finally thought I needed to be here for you.” Oh, so she didn’t need you before? Dad, you’re an asshole.
Cheryl’s friends, meanwhile, are kind of the worst. It’s great that they come to her rescue when she attempts suicide, even if all of them running out together on the ice is a terrible plan, something they acknowledge two seconds before doing it anyway. But what I really take issue with is this: after they pull Cheryl out of the water, she’s not breathing, so they give her CPR, which works like magic because of course it does. Then despite having drowned herself in literally ice cold water, Archie and the Gang don’t take her to the hospital for physical and mental evaluation. Nope, they just dump her in front of a fireplace with a blanket and take off because, you know, she’s all better now. They’re not concerned that she plans to go home, even though she lives in The House of Perpetual Doom and Misery. I can’t even remember if they tell an adult or not. Good job, guys. You all are winners.
Finally, when an invading alien queen takes her warships to National City, the President of the United States takes Air Force One there, telling Evil Rhea to back off. Everybody on the show acts like this is a courageous and wondrous act, but I have a hard time seeing how: while I would personally love to have a president who wasn’t a racist, petty, cowardly ass, the President of the United States probably shouldn’t be flying directly to a battle, like, that’s not actually the job, especially if they have no actual plan. It’s not like President Lynda Carter was leading some kind of battle charge, mind you. She’s basically just posturing, and it’s of no surprise to anyone when Evil Rhea shoots Air Force One down. Supergirl personally saves Cat Grant, and President Lynda Carter is secretly an alien, so she lives, but what about everyone else? We don’t see anyone else on the plane, but I have to assume they’re there; after all, if nothing else, I’m pretty sure the plane wasn’t flying itself. So the pilots and anyone else onboard dies for absolutely nothing at all. Great going, Madame President. I’ll totally vote for you for reelection.
Honorable Mentions: Eun-tak going up on the roof with that guy when she knows she’s supposed to fall to her death (Goblin); Anyone going ANYWHERE based off a text message (Scream); Cory touching one of the Wild Hunt guys, making him visible to half the school, which puts them ALL in danger of being taken and erased (Teen Wolf); Bringing Theo back to life (Teen Wolf); Basically every job plan Rory makes (Gilmore Girls); Betty taking the gun from Ms. Grundy’s car (Riverdale); Throwing Jughead a birthday party (Riverdale); Betty keeping her diary in her bedroom (Riverdale); Getting closer to the Venus surface after multiple probes have died (The Expanse); Crisjen going to meet Jules Mao and telling Errinwright about it (The Expanse); Increasing fire power against something that’s absorbing energy to attack you, ESPECIALLY when the resident tech expert says not to (Voltron: Legendary Defender); Wes getting back in the car with Frank after the last time (How To Get Away With Murder); Giving the only kryptonite in the world to Superman cause sure, there’s no reason the DEO might find that useful (Supergirl); Oliver going to confront Prometheus alone, like an idiot (Arrow); Throwing Green Arrow under the bus, making him and presumably all his associates bad guys in the public eye, and not just any bad guys but cop killers (Arrow); Bringing Adrian’s wife and letting her get close to Adrian, so sure he loves her for no apparent reason (Arrow); Barry goes to court while he has amnesia (The Flash); Iris and Joe lying to Wally about his speed and trying to actively work against him training and helping out because that will definitely get Wally to stop and won’t leave him even more unprepared or in the hands of HR (The Flash); Erasing Barry’s memories and then not going through with it because of a Villain of the Week (The Flash)
WORST WTF MOMENT
Christina forgives Garrett (American Gothic); Amaya & Nate hook up during a mission (Legends of Tomorrow)
Basically, everything about Christina and Garrett is the absolute worst. For a while, she thinks he’s a serial killer who murdered her father and is now trying to romance her. Appropriately, she stabs him. Oddly, this doesn’t dissuade Garrett all that much. Even weirder, everyone else treats his total obsession with Christina like it’s not a big deal, like he actually has a shot with her, which, apparently, he does. Admittedly, Christina does find out that the serial killer isn’t Garrett; however, we should keep in mind that for a while she also thinks it’s Garrett’s father who killed her father, as does Garrett, who believed this before he started a romantic relationship with Christina. Of course, they’re actually both wrong because it’s Garrett’s mother who killed Christina’s father–not that any of this matters cause Christina got pregnant and Garrett wrote a nice apology letter, and apparently that’s all it takes. This, BTW, is why Christina and Garrett also win WORST ROMANCE, even though there was some tough competition this year. (In any other year, I’m pretty sure Oliver and Susan’s painful and unnecessary romance in Arrow would have won.)
Amaya and Nate were also strong contenders for Worst Romance, but they ended up tying for this particular award instead because of their terrible, awful, no-good hook-up. See, Sara’s been shot and is quite possibly dying; meanwhile Mick and George Washington–oh yes, people, who don’t watch the show, that George Washington–need rescue, or they’ll be killed and time will be irreversibly altered. Thankfully, Amaya and Nate are on the job! Well, not so thankfully, it turns out, because even though Amaya has always been impeccably professional up till this point, and even though these two haven’t had a smidgeon of chemistry so far, they decide to take their sweet ass time with the rescuing, walking at a leisurely pace, flirting and talking about The Wizard of Oz and the like. I guess I can’t blame them for their tropetastic hypothermia cuddle fest, but I can absolutely blame them for having sex and then falling asleep afterwards. Like, WTF? This is such bullshit.
Honorable Mentions for Worst WTF Moment: The Never-Ending Play of Awful (Gilmore Girls); No one sticks up for Keith against Allura (Voltron: Legendary Defender); Barry describes Wally as ‘brave’ and Iris as ‘the love of my life’ while describing Iris’s mom’s legacy (The Flash); Barry breaks up with Iris (The Flash); Sherlock casually tells the gang that one of its bangers used to belong to a rival gang, surely getting that guy killed (Elementary); Miller has no concept of the words ‘pick up the pace’ (The Expanse); Everyone is suddenly missing (Teen Wolf); Teen Wolf gets rid of Kira (Teen Wolf); Scott and Malia insist only Lydia can bring Stiles back—and they’re right (Teen Wolf); J’onn’s “I’m Turning Into A White Martian” disease is suddenly and easily cured offscreen by Supergirl’s adopted mom using a totally different disease (Supergirl); Blair never gets a flashback episode (Dead of Summer); Jackson’s grief over killing his own mother is ridiculously short lived (Zoo); Lance and Donna Smoak break up offscreen during summer (Arrow); The video of Oliver’s Dead Dad that I’m pretty sure we’ve never seen before (Arrow); Jimmy Olson, photographer, is chosen to run Catco, cause sure that makes sense (Supergirl); Kara doesn’t understand anything about bias in journalism (Supergirl); Cassandra asks Jenkins out on a date (The Librarians); Bong Soon’s mom abusing her husband (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon); Basically all the homophobic stuff, but maybe especially the henchmen who fall in love due to the fortune telller’s bespelled sex blanket (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon); Amy was always crazy and came up with an elaborate plot to kill her only friend, i.e., get her buddy to sneak out and drink at a party, then call the cops so she could murder said buddy by ‘accidentally’ dropping her ass out the window, all because Amy wanted her friend’s spot at Camp Stillwater because it’d be her new home–and yeah yeah, EVIL was calling her, whatever, it’s still lame (Dead of Summer)
Honorable Mentions For Worst Romance: Barry & Iris (The Flash); Nate/Amaya (Legends of Tomorrow); Oliver/Susan (Arrow); Wes & Laurel (How To Get Away With Murder); Rory/Logan (Gilmore Girls); Baird/Flynn (The Librarians)
BEST WTF MOMENT
Sheriff uses red string to bring back Stiles’s bedroom – Teen Wolf
It wasn’t the weirdest moment on TV, I know, but there aren’t a lot of shows where you can bring your forgotten son’s invisible bedroom back into existence with nothing but determination and red string. And while Teen Wolf fell down a lot this last season, this particular moment was fantastic. It’s exactly the kind of surreal magic shit that the show does so well, no to mention the red string is an excellent callback to earlier seasons. And you know I’m all about the father-son relationship between Stiles and the Sheriff.
Honorable Mention: Song Exorcism Attempt (Preacher); Laurel waiting at the Arrow Cave (Arrow); Poppy/Mud Trap (Emerald City); The Librarians staving off attack-each-other mind control through the Power of Song (The Librarians); The Tree in the Police Station (American Gods); Bilquis swallows dude into her vagina (American Gods); The dancing henchmen with Media and Techno Boy (American Gods); Betty’s wig and maple syrup revenge (Riverdale); Wolf Mask Stage Fright (Riverdale)
Adrian is Prometheus – Arrow
If you knew that Vigilante’s secret identity in the comics was Adrian Chase, maybe this switcheroo twist worked for you. If you didn’t, however, this twist was laughably obvious simply because of the lack of suspects. Check this out: you begin a new season with a new Big Bad. The Big Bad has Michael Dorn’s awesome voice, but deeply unfortunately, will obviously not be played by Michael Dorn. You also begin the new season with two new male characters: Chase the D.A., and Billy, Felicity’s Love Interest. Prometheus is super obviously going to be one of these two characters, and once one of them bites it, guess who it is!
Unfortunately, we don’t find this out until then end of Episode 15, I believe, which is like 6 episodes after the only other viable suspect dies. So, yeah. Examine my shocked face. Besides, considering the best thing about Prometheus was his voice, of course the reveal of Adrian was gonna be a letdown. This is just like Tony Todd and The Flash all over again. For that matter, it’s a little like James Earl Jones and Return of the Jedi, too.
Honorable Mentions: Amy has always been evil (Dead of Summer); Diamondback is Luke Cage’s brother (Luke Cage); Kieran is the accomplice (Scream); Clifford killed Jason (Riverdale); Sophie is the accomplice/daughter (American Gothic); Sheriff is The Teacher (Dead of Summer)
Wes is Under The Sheet – How To Get Away With Murder
This was awesome for two reasons: one, I didn’t see it coming it all, like I was totally sure Wes was safe, and two, I was so, so happy they killed off Wes. I always found him to be one of the more annoying parts of the show, and as a character, he felt played out anyway. Plus, his death nicely set up for the back half of the season.
Sorry, Dean Thomas. I promise I’d happily watch you in something else!
Honorable Mentions: Joel keeps his camera attached to his hip because it separates hallucination from reality (Dead of Summer); Jessie is the real Innocent (Dead of Summer); The real Silver Bells Killer has been dead all this time (American Gothic); The kids were already too late to save Zoe (Scream); Bernard is a robot (Westworld); The Maze is Consciousness (Westworld); Deok-hwa is being possessed by Butterfly God (Goblin); Coulson is Ghost Rider (Agents of SHIELD); Daisy isn’t an LMD (Agents of SHIELD); Jughead is homeless (Riverdale); Laura saved Shadow’s life (American Gods)
Cottonmouth – Luke Cage
This was really hard. Obviously, I was very happy with Wes’s death in HTGAWM. For similar reasons, I was extremely happy with One’s death in Dark Matter; in fact, I might have even been happier about that one. (Seriously, One was so annoying. Mek and I cheered when he died. Not figuratively. We literally cheered.) But while I enjoyed Cottonmouth so much more than either of these guys, his death scene was so great. It was a huge shift for the show, taking out one villain and letting another ascend. It was also a great character moment for Mariah, and brought her and Shades together. Ultimately, how could I pick anything else?
Honorable Mentions: One (Dark Matter); Wes (How To Get Away With Murder); East (Emerald City); Miller (The Expanse); Guy Shot With a Fuckton of Arrows (American Gods); Mace (Agents of SHIELD); Radcliffe (Agents of SHIELD); Hope (Agents of SHIELD); Goblin (Goblin); Cricket (Dead of Summer); Theresa (Westworld); Ford (Westworld); Jasper (The 100); Gary (Santa Clarita Diet)
BEST BOOYAH MOMENT
Chrisjen threatens the Mao family (The Expanse); Emily Gilmore calls bullshit on the DAR (Gilmore Girls); Eleven saves Mike and scares off bullies (Stranger Things)
As presumably obvious by the three-way tie, this was not an easy category to choose from. Consistently badass Chrisjen Avasarala threatening the Mao family with ruin just remains one of my favorite moments in the whole series. She’s just like a vengeful goddess in this scene. It’s totally wonderful to watch. Meanwhile, while I seriously disliked a whole lot about the Gilmore Girls reunion, Emily Gilmore herself was one of the bright spots. The scene where she calls bullshit on the DAR manages to be both a great character growth moment and Classic Emily, all at the same time. Finally, while it’s hard to pick between Eleven’s many great booyah moments, the scene where she strides in as a pissed off hero, telekinetically breaking one kid’s arm and saving Mike from becoming so much human splatter on the rocks below? AWESOME.
Honorable Mentions: Eleven flips the van (Stranger Things); Eleven kills Agent Connie and Other Agents (Stranger Things); Annalise slaps client who’s whining about 3 years of jail after killing 2 women (How To Get Away With Murder); Michaela tells off Simon (How to Get Away With Murder); Michaela tells off Dean (How To Get Away With Murder); Bonnie tells off Connor (How To Get Away With Murder; Oliver tells Simon that he’s a terrible person and should leave (How To Get Away With Murder); Echo kills the grounders attacking the car (The 100); Joan goes to the Dark Side and makes a deal with the rival gang leader (Elementary); Dorothy gets East to shoot herself (Emerald City); Mrs. Lodge tells Cheryl her mom didn’t have class, either (Riverdale); Simmons blackmails Mace and gets out of lie detector tests (AoS); May kills the hell out of LMD Ivanov while hopped up on epinephrine (Agents of SHIELD); May exposes Daisy to Terrigen crystals (Agents of SHIELD); Samshin Granny chastising Eun-tak’s terrible teacher (Goblin); Pawter putting bomb in Jelco’s Chest (Killjoys); Dutch Slits Trader Dude’s Throat (Killjoys); Android kicks ass in a bar (Dark Matter); Dead Laura Moon kills bad guys lynching Shadow (American Gods); Bong-Soon, Min-Hyuk, and Gook-Doo catch bad guy (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon); Felicity punches Black Siren (Arrow); Felicity tells team to ignore Oliver’s orders and take Black Siren down (Arrow); Maeve ups her intelligence levels (Westworld); Dolores tells off and beats up William (Westworld); Dolores imagines a story where she isn’t the damsel (Westworld); Mariah kills Cottonmouth (Luke Cage); James tells Kara she doesn’t get to say who gets to be a hero (Supergirl); Drummer kills the guys who shot her before limping off on her own (The Expanse)
FAVORITE FIGHT SCENE
Daisy vs. LMD Mace – Agents of SHIELD
As always, there were lots of pretty awesome fight scenes this year, but I don’t think I liked any of them quite as much as I liked this badass scene between Daisy and LMD Mace. The choreography is great. I especially love how Jason O’Mara moves, kinda like a bulldozer, heavy and robotic and emotionless. The part where he walks forward trying to essentially stomp Daisy to death? That’s spectacular. Also, Daisy’s irritated, “Really? Not even winded?” She gets some pretty good one-liners in this episode. And of course how she takes him and LMD Mack out, too. (Also LMD Coulson, but really, Coulson just gets a little torn up. LMD Mack gets fucking obliterated.)
Honorable Mentions: Dead Laura Moon vs. Techno Boys (American Gods); Cassidy vs. Vampire Hunters on Plane (Preacher); Tulip vs. Dude In Her Car in the Cornfield (Preacher); Cassidy With A Chainsaw in Church (Preacher); Green Arrow vs. Anarchy (Arrow); Team Arrow vs. Various Fake Big Bads (Arrow); Flashback Arrow vs. Russian Red Shirts in Gunfight (Arrow); Arrow vs. Mind-Controlled White Canary (The Flash); Mind-Controlled Superheroes vs. Flash & Arrow (The Flash); Flash + Vibe vs. The Rival (The Flash); Cisco vs. Gypsy (The Flash); Heroes Vs. Aliens on Rooftop (Legends of Tomorrow); Sara vs. Evil Sarah in Rip’s Head (Legends of Tomorrow); Luke Cage vs. Cottonmouth’s Men in Chinese Restaurant (Luke Cage); Luke Cage + Car Door vs. Bad Guys (Luke Cage); Luke Cage vs. Bad Guys in Boxing Gym (Luke Cage); Octavia & Ilian vs. Three Grounder Tributes (The 100); Kara vs. Body-Possessed Mon-El (Supergirl); Supergirl vs. Superman (Supergirl); Voltron vs. Zarkon (Voltron: Legendary Defender); Coulson vs. Daisy in Framework (Agents of SHIELD); May vs. Aida (Agents of SHIELD); Bong soon vs. Gangsters in Warehouse (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon)
Rip/Gideon – Legends of Tomorow
I know other people thought this was weird, but I am all about Rip/Gideon. I don’t really expect it to go anywhere, unfortunately, but I think that’s kind of a shame cause I’d be all about seeing a relationship between Rip and the AI in his ship. They’ve been together for years; I can legit see a romantic relationship between the two, even if Gideon doesn’t (normally) have a body.
But I won’t lie: a lot of my desire for this relationship probably comes from my continued frustration that Geordi and the Ship’s Computer never became a thing on TNG. Cause, like, come on. THOSE TWO ARE MEANT TO BE.
Honorable Mentions: Maggie & Alex’s Get-Together Kiss (Supergirl); Melissa & Chris Argent Kiss (Teen Wolf); Reaper/Sunny’s Return Memories Kiss (Goblin)
LEAST FAVORITE SUBPLOT
Basically every subplot – Strong Woman Do Bong Soon
There’s a lot I like about Strong Woman Do Bong Soon, and then there’s . . . everything else. The worst actual subplot probably revolves around the screechy, effeminate gay stereotype of a character who’s jealous of our heroine, but the awfulness of these subplots really do start to blend, especially considering that this character is, I guess, a doppelgänger or identical twin of one of the many deeply annoying henchmen. The henchmen in the hospital are frustrating, too, taking up way, WAY too much time, and by the time we get their boss at, like, some holistic spiritual retreat that ends up being run by a conman, I’d completely given up pretending to care. It’s not unusual for me to multitask while watching television, but I was so bored here that I actively stopped paying attention to these parts of the show. If you cut out all the annoying scenes, Strong Woman Do Bong Soon could easily be at least three episodes shorter.
Honorable Mentions: The Jessie/Amy/Sykes love triangle (Dead of Summer); Wes and Laurel’s annoying relationship (How To Get Away With Murder); Annalise’s ongoing downward spiral (How To Get Away With Murder); Iris and Joe try to keep Wally from gaining powers/training/etc (The Flash); Rory’s ongoing career fiasco (Gilmore Girls); Rory’s ongoing procrastination of dumping Paul (Gilmore Girls); All the tired jokes about Hunk and food (Voltron: Legendary Defender); Archie/Miss Grundy’s poorly handled subplot (Riverdale); Everything about Oliver/Susan (Arrow); Basically any Archie storyline (Riverdale); The Ravi/Payton/Blaine love triangle (iZombie)
MOST DISAPPOINTING NEW SHOW
Dead of Summer
The vast majority of people probably never heard of this show, and the few people who did will likely be surprised I expected enough out of it to be disappointed . . . but here we are.
For those of you who don’t know, Dead of Summer was an 80’s throwback summer camp slasher show that lasted all of one season on Freeform. I started it pretty much assuming it would be terrible, but also knowing I’m a sucker for slasher television and mystery shows where people start dying off one by one. My cult favorite will always be Harper’s Island, despite how slowly and terribly it started.
But Dead of Summer surprised me in a lot of ways because, despite also having a slow start, there are some genuinely great things about this show. The fact that Drew, a transgender teenage boy, was played by a cisgender female actress was not one of them, but I did love that his story was never a punchline, that he had a sweet romance with Blair, a gay Latino boy, and–best of all–they both lived. The final girl defied convention by being both black and initially set up as the mean girl. (In fact, this plus Drew and Blair surviving wins for MOST WELCOME SURPRISE.) And there’s a pretty solid twist to why one of the characters, Joel, insists on carrying a video camera with him all the time. And, AND Tony Todd guest starred on it! Like, that’s some genius casting right there.
Unfortunately, this show came with a lot of bullshit too, like, WAY too much bullshit. I don’t remember all of it now, since it’s been about a year since the show aired, but I do know that everything about Amy was pretty much terrible. She’s made out to be the final girl for most of the show, and is basically the most boring person on the face of the Earth. I wish I could be happy that she’s secretly evil, but the twist was so hideously sloppy and poorly supported that I can’t even appreciate it. Joel’s death is unnecessary and lame. Not all the mythology makes much sense, some of the flashbacks don’t work very well, and Blair is the only character who doesn’t get a flashback episode. Even if he wasn’t one of my favorite characters, that is such total bullshit.
Dead of Summer didn’t start out great, but it really hit its stride in the middle . . . only to crash hard at the finish line. Yeah, I was pretty disappointed.
Honorable Mentions for Most Welcome Surprise: Steve actually has nuance/isn’t 100% a dick (Stranger Things); Jimmi Simpson isn’t playing the obnoxious friend (Westworld); One is killed off (Dark Matter); The kids are going up to space while the adults are staying below (The 100)
FAVORITE SEASON PREMIERE
“Across the Universe” – Voltron: Legendary Defender
I really thought the pilot for Preacher was going to take this for a long time, but . . . I don’t know. I fell out of the show a few episodes in and haven’t quite gotten back around to it, despite really enjoying certain aspects. When I recently watched the pilot again, I liked it . . . but I didn’t love it. Not like I loved “Across the Universe,” Voltron: Legendary Defender’s second season premiere.
“Across the Universe” isn’t groundbreaking television or anything. I just really enjoy it. I like the focus on Keith and Shiro, especially since I’ve been waiting to hear more about their relationship since the pilot. I laughed out loud at Pidge’s impressions of her fellow team members, particularly Keith. I like that Pidge ultimately saves the day, per usual. I even enjoyed Allura’s frustration as Coran gets progressively younger and younger through the time loop wormhole. And of course the episode not so subtly foreshadows the season finale when Shiro goes missing, effectively leaving Keith in charge. (Another cliffhanger, Voltron! Really! This is one of the many reasons Voltron also wins for my MOST ANTICIPATED TV SHOW RETURN, just narrowly, narrowly, beating out The Expanse, which I adore with all my nerdy little heart.)
Honorable Mentions for Favorite Season Premiere: “Pilot” (Preacher); “Chapter One: The Vanishing of Will Byers” (Stranger Things); “The Original” (Westworld); “Out of Time” (Legends of Tomorrow); “Memory Lost” (Teen Wolf); “Dutch and the Real Girl” (Killjoys); “The Bone Orchard” (American Gods)
Honorable Mentions for Most Anticipated TV Show Return: The Expanse; The 100; Agents of SHIELD; Westworld; Luke Cage; RWBY; Stranger Things
FAVORITE SEASON FINALE
“Praimfaya” – The 100
This one was a lot of fun, all action, all racing against the clock, but with some nice character moments scattered throughout. There’s a considerable time jump at the end, and while time jumps sometimes don’t play out the way shows want them too, I have to admit, I’m pretty excited about this one. There are a lot of questions left unanswered–why hasn’t anyone returned to the surface, WTF is up with the prison ship, DOES MONTY HAVE HANDS–and I’m super eager to see how they’re resolved next season.
Honorable Mentions: “Aruba” (Legends of Tomorrow); “But First We Save The Galaxy” (Dark Matter); “The Bicameral Mind” (Westworld); “Caliban’s War” (The Expanse); “Chapter Eight: The Upside Down” (Stranger Things); “You Know My Steez” (Luke Cage); “How To Kill Friends and Influence People” (Killjoys); “World’s End” (Agents of SHIELD); “Blackout” (Voltron: Legendary Defender); “Come to Jesus” (American Gods)
LEAST FAVORITE SEASON FINALE
“Riders on the Storm” – Teen Wolf
6A started out so well . . . and fell so hard, so fast. There were logic gaps all over the place, like, even worse than normal for this show. So many things were anticlimactic: the merging of worlds, the Nazi Werewolf Dude, the hasty resolution of high school in general. I was just really bummed by the whole thing; in fact, though I hate to do this to my beloved Teen Wolf, “Riders on the Storm” is also taking WORST EPISODE just for sheer disappointment.
Honorable Mentions for Least Favorite Season Finale: “Let Love Rule” (Dead of Summer); Chapter Thirteen: The Sweet Hereafter (Riverdale)
Honorable Mentions for Worst Episode:“Home Sweet Home” (Dead of Summer); “Halloween Special” (Scream); “Into the Speed Force” (The Flash); “Fighting Fire With Fire” (Arrow)
“Self Control” – Agents of SHIELD
Agents of SHIELD had a pretty damn solid fourth season, but this was easily its standout episode, just pure entertainment with a lot of tension, action, and good character moments. Basically, it was Die Hard with robots and feels, and really, how do you beat that? This is the episode that gave us Daisy vs LMD Mace, Coulson, and Mack. It also gave us unexpected twists (Daisy isn’t an LMD), some seriously badass moments for the ladies (Jemma killing LMD Fitz, and LMD May blowing up the base, herself, and LMD Coulson were especially hardcore), and a few just awesome scenes between Daisy and Jemma, like, I would love to see more episodes in the future focus on these two together. Plus, this is the episode that launched the Framework plot line that made up the last third of the season.
All in all, this was a pretty great episode of television and easily one of my favorites from the entire series.
Honorable Mentions: “We Voted Not to Space You” (Dark Matter); “Take the Shot” (Dark Matter); “But First, We Save The Galaxy” (Dark Matter); “Out of Time” (Legends of Tomorrow); “Raiders of the Lost Art” (Legends of Tomorrow); “Land of the Lost” (Legends of Tomorrow); “Aruba” (Legends of Tomorrow) “Invasion!” (Legends of Tomorrow); “Invasion!” (The Flash); “Duet” (The Flash); “Killer Frost” (The Flash); “Invasion!” (Arrow); “Underneath” (Arrow); “Tears of the Balmera” (Voltron: Legendary Defender); “Across the Universe” (Voltron: Legendary Defender); “Crystal Venom” (Voltron: Legendary Defender); “Greening the Cube” (Voltron: Legendary Defender); “Taking Flight” (Voltron: Legendary Defender); “Blackout” (Voltron: Legendary Defender); “Space Mall” (Voltron: Legendary Defender); “The Original” (Westworld); “The Bicameral Mind” (Westworld); “Pilot” (Preacher); The Flea and the Acrobat” (Stranger Things); “The Monster” (Stranger Things); “Memory Lost” (Teen Wolf); “Radio Silence” (Teen Wolf); “And The Curse of Cindy” (The Librarians); “And The Fangs of Death” (The Librarians); “And The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy” (The Librarians); “Who’s Dead?” (How To Get Away With Murder); “Manifest” (Luke Cage); “Episode 12” (Goblin); “Praimfaya” (The 100); “The Chosen” (The 100); “Deals With Our Devils” (Agents of SHIELD); “Home” (The Expanse); “Cascade” (The Expanse); “Caliban’s War” (The Expanse); “Git Gone” (American Gods); “Lemon Scented You” (American Gods); “Attention to Detail” (Santa Clarita Diet); “Man Eat Man” (Santa Clarita Diet)
Finally, here is a list of a bunch of my favorite scenes this year that didn’t quite fit into any of the above categories:
Mike shows Eleven the Lazyboy (Stranger Things)
Eleven reacts to blush (Stranger Things)
Six saves Three from killing himself (Dark Matter)
Any scene with the Android using the upgrade (Dark Matter)
Johnny and Dutch after Khylen dies (Killjoys)
Johnny shooting Delle Seyah (Killjoys)
Noah is buried alive (Scream)
Laurel and her father arguing in Spanish with the mediator (How To Get Away With Murder)
Bonnie and Frank’s non-sex motel scenes (How To Get Away With Murder)
Alex hesitantly coming out to Maggie (Supergirl)
Alex coming out to Kara, and Kara later apologizing (Supergirl)
Winn yelling at James that he doesn’t work for him and the suit will be ready when it’s ready (Supergirl)
Winn is scared after being nearly killed (Supergirl)
Evil Alien Winn (Supergirl)
Cisco and Caitlin talking after she gets back from her mom’s (The Flash)
Cisco promising he’ll help Caitlin (The Flash)
Cisco doesn’t promise Barry that they’ll be okay (The Flash)
Diggle’s reactions to anything weird (The Flash)
Oliver tells Barry he would’ve gone back in time to save his parents too (The Flash)
Harry as Grodd (The Flash)
Excited Barry watches Joe and Martin sing (The Flash)
Alternate Cisco Points out Barry just kidnapped Alternate Caitlin (The Flash)
Out of Dimension Coulson trying to talk May out of using the book (Agents of SHIELD)
Fitz waking up to realize what he’d done in the Framework (Agents of SHIELD)
Daisy keeping Fitz from turning himself in (Agents of SHIELD)
Oliver apologizing and saying goodbye to his fake parents (Arrow)
Oliver and Felicity’s scenes while he’s bleeding out below the Arrow Cave (Arrow)
Emily Gilmore at the whale museum (Gilmore Girls)
Lorelai tells Emily her real favorite moment with her dad (Gilmore Girls)
Paris Geller terrifies the kids at Chilton (Gilmore Girls)
Paris talks to Lorelai & Luke about surrogacy (Gilmore Girls)
Paris melts down in the Chilton bathroom (Gilmore Girls)
Keith’s outraged that Lance doesn’t remember their bonding moment (Voltron: Legendary Defender)
Keith, Shiro, and “patience yields focus” (Voltron: Legends of Tomorrow)
Shiro totally losing his shit with Slav (Voltron: Legends of Tomorrow)
Melissa and Argent in the hospital (Teen Wolf)
Lydia throwing the jersey to the Sheriff (Teen Wolf)
Flashbacks/callbacks to Flare and Panic Attack Scenes (Teen Wolf)
Jaune watches and trains to a video of Pyrrha (RWBY)
Qrow sees his poisoned wound and says, “That’s unfortunate” (RWBY)
The Legion of Doom intro (Legends of Tomorrow)
Sara finding Rip in his own mind (Legends of Tomorrow)
Rip, Gideon, and Cake (Legends of Tomorrow)
Amos and Alex had a bet on Holden/Naomi (The Expanse)
Amos gets the scientist to talk (The Expanse)
Bobbie going for the cucumber sandwiches (The Expanse)
Alex confronts Amos (The Expanse)
All of Amos and Meng’s scenes (The Expanse)
Clive reacts to seeing Liv eat brains for the first time (iZombie)
Clive waiting to see Human Liv (iZombie)
Major on Teen Girl brain, particularly with Ravi (iZombie)
Everyone (except Peyton) gets super into the D&D game, especially Clive (iZombie)
Blaine confronts Dad after Trojan Horse entry (iZombie)
Blaine talking to his dad, reading the news while he’s in the well (iZombie)
Faux-Dominatrix Peyton tries to trigger Liv into a flashback (iZombie)
Reaper laughing at Sunny’s attempted exorcism (Goblin)
Reaper & Goblin’s reunion (Goblin)
Anansi’s speech to the slaves on the boat (American Gods)
Laura Moon fakes drowning to screw over Mad Sweeney (American Gods)
Interrogation scene with Mr. World and Media (American Gods)
Media as Lucille Ball talks to Shadow (American Gods)
Min Hyung and Bong Soon pinky swear (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon)
Bong Soon comforts Min Hyung while he’s upset in the hospital (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon)
Gook-Doo and Bong Soon together on the bench (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon)
Aidan Quinn sarcastically promising to pinky-swear to the Big Bad to move things along (Elementary)
Bernard discovering he’s a robot and killing Theresa (Westworld)
Shades survives Elevator Attack (Luke Cage)
Shades asks for a lawyer (Luke Cage)
Joel and Abby freak out about Zombie Sheila (Santa Clarita Diet)
Abby repeatedly pretending to have a bad reaction to the serum (Santa Clarita Diet)
Pretty much anytime Joel starts having a nervous breakdown (Santa Clarita Diet)
Stone and Ezekiel’s excitement about the submarine (The Librarians)
Ezekiel starts turning into a werewolf (The Librarians)
Ezekiel Jones explains the difference between love and obsession to Cindy (The Librarians)
Whew, I think that’s finally it! Time for a Fresca or something, damn.