Geek Battle of Blood—ROUND THREE!!!

The competition has seriously thinned out over the last two weeks. Only eight contenders left. Only four battles to decide on.

1. HELLBOY VS IRON MAN

Hellboy:

PROS:
Demon. Large and very strong.
Right hand of doom.
Hard to kill. Can heal from many would-be-fatal injuries.
Immunity to fire.

CONS:
Probably not immune to missiles.
Doesn’t come with a tracking system.

Iron Man:

PROS:
Serious body armor.
Can fly.
Did I mention the missiles?

CONS:
Tech malfunctions. The Iron Man suit is powerful, but it can get damaged or lose power, and if the fight is between Hellboy and Tony Stark? Less of a contest.

2. RIPLEY VS THE KILLER RABBIT

Ripley:

PROS:
Certified badass.
BFG gun + power loader.
Taken on giant aliens and lived.

CONS:
Not as quick as the Killer Rabbit.

Killer Rabbit:

PROS:
Jumps so fast it practically flies.
Nasty, big, pointy teeth.
Small. Hard target to hit.

CONS:
A small size also makes it more vulnerable to harm.

3. BATMAN VS BLADE

Batman:

PROS:
All kinds of crazy tech and tools. Surely a Bat-stake in there somewhere.
Can practically fly.
Body armor.
Martial arts master.

CONS:
Still just a human. Not as naturally strong and doesn’t heal as rapidly.

Blade:

PROS:
Super strength.
Super speed.
Great reflexes.
Resilient to injury.

CONS:
Blade has some weapons, but definitely less access to money or best tech. Also, he doesn’t have a cape. You gotta have a cape.

4. THE BRIDE VS MAX

The Bride:

PROS:
Professional, trained assassin.
Ridiculously proficient in multiple weapon. Favors samurai sword.
All sorts of martial arts.
Hard to kill.

CONS:
Human. Not as fast or strong as Max is.
Doesn’t heal as rapidly.

Max:

PROS:
Transgenic with cat DNA. Super strong, super fast, great reflexes, agility, etc.
Engineered and trained to be a supersoldier.
Can jump really high distances.
Doesn’t need sleep.

CONS:
Doesn’t use guns.

All right, folks, that’s it. Results will be posted January 23rd.

Geek Battle of Blood—ROUND TWO!!!!

Same rules and regulations as last week, folks. Please only vote once per battle for your champion of choice. Winners will be posted on January 16th.

1. THE BRIDE VS THE KURGAN

The Bride:

PROS:
Deadly assassin. Trained in a bajillion ways to kill people.
Excellent with samurai swords. Decapitation? No problem.
All sorts of martial arts.
Not easily killed—survived getting shot in the head, buried alive, and the Crazy 88.

CONS:
No matter how resourceful The Bride is, she still must decapitate the Kurgan if she wants to survive—and he can (potentially) kill her in a variety of different ways.
Has never experienced The Quickening.

The Kurgan

PROS:
Has survived for centuries upon centuries.
Presumably pretty handy with a sword by now.
Brute strength.
Vicious as hell.

CONS:
Not as smart or resourceful as the Bride.
Even if he can’t be killed any other way but decapitation, The Kurgan can still be injured and slowed down by other means—and the Bride has a lot of weapons in her disposal.

2. BATMAN VS ROBOCOP

Batman:

PROS:
Can practically fly.
Exceptionally skilled fighter—dozens of martial arts.
Tons of gadgets on that utility belt—batarang, grappling gun, flash grenades, etc.
Rich as hell. Could potentially just buy out OCP and become seriously problematic for RoboCop’s prime directives.

CONS:
Doesn’t use guns.
Feels more pain than a cyborg.

RoboCop:

PROS:
Uses guns.
Targeting system.
Very good body armor—possibly even better than Batman’s.
Hard to injure.

CONS:
Nowhere near as fast as Batman.
Certainly not as stealth. Clunks rather loudly, I’d imagine.

3. HELLBOY VS GANDALF

Hellboy:

PROS:
Demon. Immensely strong with a right hand of doom.
Can heal from many would-be-fatal injuries.
Natural immunity to fire.
Big damn gun.

CONS:
No actual magic.
Certainly can’t pass for helpless

Gandalf:

PROS:
Awesome sword plus staff fight combo.
Magic. Particularly good at breaking bridges and depossessing people.
Surely wiser than Hellboy.
Occasionally gets do-overs on the whole dying thing, if the narrative calls for it.

CONS:
Nowhere near as strong as Hellboy
Gun almost always beats a sword.

4. WORF VS KILLER RABBIT

Worf:

PROS:
Trained Klingon warrior.
Skilled at martial arts.
Naturally strong.
Good with bat’leth and phaser.

CONS:
Klingons often have problems with soft, furry creatures.

Killer Rabbit:

PROS:
Ridiculously fast.
Small. Likely hard to hit.
Bloodthirsty.
Has killed many an armed warrior before.

CONS:
Those warriors were always human, and they never had phasers.

5. ASH VS MAX

Ash:

PROS:
Chainsaw hand.
Good with a boomstick.
Squares off with demon-possessed things on a daily basis.

CONS:
No match for Max’s natural speed/agility/strength.
Seriously, klaatu barada nikto. How hard is that to remember?

Max:

PROS:
Transgenic. Super strength, speed, agility, reflexes, etc.
Designed and trained as a supersoldier.
No need for sleep.

CONS:
Won’t use guns. Doesn’t eliminate long-distance attacks entirely, but certainly makes them harder.

6. RIPLEY VS SELENE

Ripley:

PROS:
Buff and completely badass.
Access to future tech, big ass guns, power loader, etc.
Takes on big icky aliens for breakfast.

CONS:
Still human. Not as strong or as fast as a vampire.

Selene:

PROS:
Super strength, speed, agility, etc. Resistant to most injury.
Can’t be killed with the usual weapons against vampires: sunlight, etc.
Also uses very powerful guns.

CONS:
Any weaponry Selene has is modern day.  Could potentially be disadvantaged in unfamiliar settings, like on a spaceship.

7. BLADE VS CYCLOPS

Blade:

PROS:
Exceptionally strong. Great reflexes, agility, etc.
None of the usual vampire problems—sunlight, etc.

CONS:
He’s resilient to a lot of injury . . . but probably not to Cyclops optic blasts at full power.

Cyclops:

PROS:
Big damn optic blasts.
Trained against all kinds of mutants with various types of abilities.

CONS:
Training might only take him so far. Still less naturally strong and fast.

8. IRON MAN VS LIU KANG

Iron Man:

PROS:
Serious body armor.
Missiles come with the costume.
Can fly.

CONS:
There’s not a lot of stealth to being Iron Man. Likely not as quick, either.
No magic.

Liu Kang:

PROS:
Awesome martial artist with moves that continuously defy gravity.
Can shoot fire from his hands.
Can turn into a dragon.

CONS:
No missiles.
No body armor.

The 2nd Annual Geek Battle of BLOOD!

Happy New Year, everybody! We at My Geek Blasphemy (er, me) like to celebrate this time of year with a (relatively new) tradition of fantasy geek-fighting.

What this means:

I have chosen 32 fighters from various movies, video games, and television shows. I have pitted these fighters against one another in sixteen different match-ups. It will be your job to choose the winner of each battle. The losers will go home crying to their fictional mothers. The winners will continue into next week’s match-ups until we have an Ultimate Fighting Champion!

Continue reading

The Up and Coming . . .

There are a lot of really great looking movies coming out next year, but one stood out among the rest.

The Hobbit took the early lead and ran with it, holding first place with 32.35% of the vote. Prometheus, on the other hand, mounted a comeback at the last minute and wrested second place away from The Dark Knight.

And this is just . . . just . . . unacceptable. I mean, I thought the trailer for Prometheus looked cool and all, but . . . but . . . BATMAN.

Batman is judging you.

To my complete surprise, an (admittedly distant) fourth place must be granted to The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part II, a movie I almost completely forgot to add, as I don’t follow the series. (I did see the first movie. It was . . . eh.) I do try not to be a complete ass about Twilight fans . . . I mean, I’m going to mock the sparkle like the rest of the world, but that shouldn’t translate into the belief that all Twilight fans are idiots or anything. That being said . . . the fact that a Twilight movie got more votes than The Avengers, at least on this blog? Shocked. Completely shocked. I expected The Avengers to be a serious contender in this fight. Instead, it only got a mere two votes.

Total Loser Award must be shared among several movies this time. The Bourne Legacy, Snow White and the Huntsman, The Amazing Spiderman, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and World War Z all received zero votes. Although it’s fair to say that most of these films haven’t even gotten trailers yet and might generate more interest once they do.

But still. Batman.

Well. I’m sure you’re all very nice people. Even if you’re totally wrong.

Just In Case The Mayans Were Wrong . . .

Well, it’s almost the New Year. Assuming that the world doesn’t end and all, there are a LOT of movies coming out in 2012.

All of these movies are currently scheduled to be released sometime in 2012. Whether they will actually be released in 2012 is less certain, but I tried not to pick anything too risky (ie, pre-production). Which is why you won’t be seeing Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained on this poll. I’m pretty much legally obligated to see every new Tarantino movie in theater, just like the rest of the world, but I wanted the nominees to have at least started filming.

Voting will be up one week, per usual. Your results will be posted January 2nd. Watch out, as well, for some serious geek fantasy fighting.

The 2nd Annual Geek Battle of Blood is on its way . . .

Potent Quotables . . .

It’s good to see there are a decent amount of Monty Python and the Holy Grail fans out there. Your most favorite quote (of the ones listed, anyway):

“I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!”

This is the just the kind of thing you want to say to your boss, right before you flip him the bird and quit.

Second place goes to Dennis, who helpfully points out that, “You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power, just because some watery tart throws a sword at you.” (This is my own personal favorite, I think, although there’s something about “Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?” that’s always made me smile for some reason.) Third place is a tie between the oft-quoted, “It’s just a flesh wound!” and the somewhat-less-quoted, “They were forced to eat Sir Robin’s minstrels, and there was much rejoicing.”

(Yay.)

This week’s Total Loser Award must sadly go to the Leader of the Knights Who Say Ni, who says, “No, not is. Wouldn’t get very far in life without saying is.” I can’t say I’m surprised that this quote didn’t get any love—it’s pretty arbitrary, even for Monty Python—but I just felt compelled to include it. I mean, it’s just so true.

Thanks for playing, everyone. Next poll coming up in three, two, one . . .

Coconuts! Flesh Wounds! Knights Who Say NI!

Enough of Christmas movies. Let’s move somewhere else, shall we? How about . . . England?

I am sort of legally obligated to love the St. George's flag.

I’m afraid that today’s poll will be of no use to you Monty Python haters out there. Better luck next week. But for those of you who adore Monty Python and The Holy Grail . . .

If your favorite quote is not here, feel free to sound off in the comments. The hardest part of this poll was trying to focus on one line, rather than copy and pasting huge chunks of dialogue.

As always, poll is up for one week. Results will be posted sometime on 12/16.

Wait . . . THAT’s Not In the Spirit of the Holiday . . .

Scrooge was your favorite traditional Christmas film. Your favorite not-quite-so-traditional Christmas film?

The Nightmare Before Christmas!

Jack Skellington and the citizens of Halloweentown had this one in the bag almost as soon as the poll started. Though Die Hard tried for a last minute comeback, it couldn’t quite beat out The Nightmare Before Christmas. Die Hard did manage to snag second place, though, which let me breathe a deep sigh of relief. Die Hard is the only movie that I absolutely have to watch during the Christmas season. The fact that it was losing to Love Actually at one point—and don’t get me wrong, I think Love Actually‘s enjoyable enough, but . . . but . . . DIE HARD—was enough to make me want to cry.

In the end, Love Actually got shut out of third place as well by Will Ferrell and Elf . . . which I’ve, honestly, never even seen. Most of the other candidates got one or two votes—I was a little surprised to see that even Rare Exports managed to get a nod—but our Total Loser Award, sadly, goes to the original Black Christmas.

Sorry, Olivia Hussey and Margot Kidder. You know I love this movie . . . but the masses have spoken. There is a time to be born and a time to die and a time to kill off sorority girls . . . but this, sadly, is not that time.

. . . eh, who am I kidding? It’s always a good time for that.