“The Dreams of Youth Are The Regrets of Maturity.”

Without a movie challenge this year, I came to a startling realization a few weeks ago: I could rent whatever the hell I wanted from Netflix. There were no self-imposed deadlines I had to meet, no movies I absolutely HAD to watch. This, of course, left me wondering exactly what I wanted to watch, and I decided I was in the mood for something light, ridiculous, perhaps something that was funny even though it wasn’t actually supposed to be.

This is how I ended up watching Legend, a movie where Child of the Forest Tom Cruise wears armor without pants and has a telepathic conversation with a unicorn.

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“Is There A French Word For Feeling An Overwhelming Sense of Urgency And Impending Doom?”

It is time, I think, to try and return to our regularly scheduled programming on My Geek Blasphemy. Well. Okay. Scheduling was never really all that regular around here and may stay even more irregular in the weeks to come, but regardless, I’ve written a review for every season of Teen Wolf, and despite a necessary delay, I’m not about to stop now.

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Oh, show. You started this season out well, anyway.

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And Now An Advertisement For My New Story

A little bored? Looking for something to read? Wishing there were more stories about Horror Purgatory and/or the girls who almost never survive slasher movies?

Assuming the answer to all those questions is yes (and, I mean, why wouldn’t it be), then may I present my short story “If We Survive The Night,” newly published at The Dark.

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It’s, well. It’s very much a me story. If you like your horror with a liberal dose of feminism, a huge heaping of meta, and a sprinkle of vengeance, it might be worth checking out. And if none of those sound like your jam, you should check The Dark out anyway because there are other horror and dark fantasy stories you might like in this issue, including one written by my ridiculously talented buddy Helen Marshall.

Happy reading, everyone.

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Papa

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My father, George St. George, passed away on February 7th, 2017. Our relationship was sometimes complicated, but I loved him very much. It is very hard to believe that I would have become a writer without him; it is harder still to accept that he won’t be here to see me hopefully publish my first novel or meet my children if I ever decide to have them. It’s hard to imagine spending a Christmas where I don’t shake my head, laughing, at whatever thing he got me that was only tangentially related to what I actually asked for. It’s impossible to reconcile what my head knows, what my eyes saw, and what my heart feels: that he’s gone but can’t be gone, because he’s Papa and was always here.

I don’t expect to discuss this in any more public detail for some time, and am not particularly looking for any type of condolences such as “he’s gone to a better place” or “he’ll always be with you.” It just felt wrong to try and return to business as normal around here without saying a word, particularly because my father commented on my reviews so often to tell me how he proud he was, and to stop using so much profanity.

I love you, Papa. Today, at least, there will be no F-bombs.

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Intermission

A quick update: I probably won’t be writing much here, if at all, for a while. I need to take some time to be with family. How much time, I really can’t say at this point, but while you await my glorious return, try to take care of one another, practice self care as needed (I personally recommend squeezing your cats and watching a bunch of cartoons, but to each his own), and resist as best you can. We all need to fight for each other right now.

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“I’ll Drink Your Tears, Frankenstein!”

The inauguration was less than two weeks ago. It feels like my country has been set on fire half a dozen times since then. God knows what will have even happened by the time I post this. I never had any illusions that it was gonna get racist, scary, and dangerous, but I have to admit . . . I didn’t think it’d get there so fast.

Possibly what Mekaela and I should have done to “celebrate” the inauguration was to stockpile food and medical supplies for the impending apocalypse. Instead we made Jell-O shots, got delivery, and watched Death Race 2050.

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It certainly kept to the spirit of the original.

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Coming Soon-Ish: Fairy Tales, Fables, Magic, and Murder

American Fable

Ooh, this looks interesting. I’m loving the blend of fairy tale, Americana, and horror, not to mention the cinematography just looks stunning. Watching this trailer, it’s kind of like seeing Guillermo del Toro meet Kansas. It’s pretty awesome. Plus, Richard Schiff?

Dude. I am officially excited for this movie.

The Lure

Um. Well.

First, this is a red-band trailer, so definitely NSFW. It also appears to be a carnivorous stripper mermaid horror story on acid, so. You know. If I ever watch it, I suspect it’s gonna end up winning for either Best WTF Movie or Worst WTF Movie. Impossible to tell at this point, really.

Alien: Covenant

Okay, this is definitely not a new trailer, but I hated Prometheus so much that it took me a month to even bother giving this promo a try.

Overall, I have to admit: it looks pretty interesting. The trailer has an especially strong start, not to mention I see we’ve used a slow, melancholy cover song to seriously up the creep factor. (Slow, creepy cover songs are the latest Inception BRAAAAM noise. I’m not knocking them; they can be pretty effective. It works here, for instance. Also, while I primarily associate this song with Moulin Rouge, I’ve now listened to, like, five different versions of it and I haven’t quite made up my mind on which one is my favorite. Moulin Rouge, after all, has what? Three different versions alone?) We also get a brief glance of our new crew, almost all of whom are guaranteed to end up messily dead, AND Michael Fassbender is in this, which is good because he was one of the only redeeming things about the last film.

Still. Despite the strong trailer, my interest in actually watching this movie is low and will probably remain low until I hear solid reviews about it from people whose opinions I trust. Because yeah. I really didn’t like Prometheus.

Sleight

This looks intriguing. Without the speculative element, I’m not convinced it would be my thing, but once someone throws in a little magic, I’m like, “OOOH, I wanna watch.” And I would like to watch this. It feels . . . kind of new. I’m into the genre-bend.

I will admit, though, that I’m not sure if I’m gonna be able to take Dulé Hill seriously as a villain after watching him as Gus for seven years on Psych. Then again, I’m pretty sure I didn’t think I’d be able to see him as anyone but Charlie after watching The West Wing, so who knows? Maybe I’ll be able to watch this movie without thinking of scenes like this.

Tangled: Before Ever After

I don’t think I’ve ever watched a Disney Princess Movie sequel of my own volition, but . . . goddamn it, if I can find this on Amazon, Hulu, or Netflix, I probably will check it out. It’s a lead-in to a new TV series, and it looks pretty cute–even if the change-up in animation does throw me off a bit.

I’m excited to see that actors from the original cast, including Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi, are going to star in this. And holy shit, the range of other actors who are set to appear for at least an episode . . . we’re talking Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Clancy Brown, Ashley Judd, Jeremy Jordan, Peter McNicol, Jonathan Banks, etc. That’s some pretty awesome talent right there.

Finally, The Belko Experiment

This trailer’s technically months old. There’s a much more recent one available, but I liked this particular trailer better. It has a better build. Also, more violence.

This looks exactly like the kind of movie Mekaela and I would rent. “Office Space Meets Battle Royale?” Yeah, I’m there. The script was written by James Gunn, which is exciting, and it’s got a huge ensemble cast of people I mostly recognize from TV. It would be nice if someone surprising would live for once, like, maybe not the guy talking about how killing is wrong or the lady he seems to be protecting. I don’t have a favorite yet, although Tony Goldwyn, I’m pretty sure, is coming to a bad end. (Sean Gunn probably isn’t making it, either. And Michael Rooker doesn’t have the best track record of surviving his movies.)

One way or another? I will definitely be watching this one.

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