Tag Archives: And Here I Thought All This Exposition Sounded So Natural

“Say Goodbye To Classical Reality.”

I have something of a hit-and-miss relationship with John Carpenter’s work. I adore The Thing. I like Big Trouble in Little China. Escape from New York is enjoyable enough, but ultimately, I liked Snake Plissken more than the actual movie itself. Halloween … Continue reading

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“Our Big Foot’s Not Playing Games Anymore.”

Let me begin by telling you that Tom is a terrible person. You may remember Tom, or you may not. I’ve mentioned him once or twice before on this blog. I used to think he was an okay sort of … Continue reading

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“People Must Know That They’re Going to Die, and Yet They Live as Though They Never Will.”

I am definitely behind on my westerns. I need to catch up if I don’t want to subject myself to another horrifying experience like Battlefield Earth. Which I don’t. I really, really don’t. So Mek and I watched The Good, the Bad, … Continue reading

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“Today We Are Canceling The Apocalypse!”

Giant robots fighting giant monsters? Guillermo del Toro behind the camera? Idris Elba in front of it? One reasonably-priced matinee ticket for Pacific Rim, please.

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“That’s Not A Plan. That’s a Shit Sandwich Without Bread.”

Many years ago, I watched the original Red Dawn. I know I did. I actually remember sitting down to watch it. And yet . . . and yet it’s like the entire experience was wiped from my mind, like something traumatic … Continue reading

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“It’s Just Sometimes I Want To Rip The Bangs Off His Head.”

Geek Pride Day — as well as Towel Day — was last weekend. I celebrated by finally going to see Star Trek Into Darkness. I had a good time watching the movie. It was a lot of fun. But . . … Continue reading

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“Kiss Me, Fat Boy!”

Back for more Scary Clown action? Here it is . . . the rest of It!

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“I Am The Eater of Worlds . . . And of Children!”

Stephen King adaptations are, historically, not awesome. For every Stand by Me or The Shawshank Redemption, there is a Needful Things — or a Dreamcatcher — or a Children of the Corn — or a Lawnmower Man — or a Maximum Overdrive — or a Tommyknockers — or, hell, even a Haven. Which, hey, could be good, … Continue reading

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“We Might As Well Shoot Each Other Now And Get It Over With.”

I remember when Zombieland first came out, people were calling it America’s answer to Shaun of the Dead . . . as if Shaun of the Dead had been some kind of challenge, a war cry from England screaming, “Beat that, fuckers!” You … Continue reading

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“Well, I Can Respect Your Opinion. Sadly, I’m Not Good at Rejection. I’m Afraid You’ll Have to Die.”

The worst thing about not being a professional movie critic is that it doesn’t matter how much time you spend working a review—you could write your little heart and soul out, bleed yourself dry, and you’re still not getting paid. … Continue reading

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