Coming Soon-Ish: X-Men, Cheerleaders, and Tom Hiddleston as a Mopey Vampire

X-Men: Days of Future Past

So . . . I don’t know.

I mean, I’ll see it. There are a few things going in its favor: Bryan Singer back in the director’s chair, Michael Fassbender, Peter Dinklage, and just the general apocalyptic future stuff. (I like apocalypses. The fashion’s always more interesting.) But this is supposedly the movie that will heal the gigantic continuity issues between all of the X-Men movies, and even with time travel, I don’t quite see how that’s possible. (Like, how is Xavier alive right now? Why didn’t he ever comment on Mystique apparently being his adopted sister in X-Men and X2? How were Cyclops and Emma Frost even teenagers together in Wolverine: Origins? The list goes on.)

Plus . . . look, I know everyone loves Wolverine. I love Wolverine. But I’d be way more interested in this story if it wasn’t just Wolverine going back in time. Because one, team dynamics are more interesting, two, I was kind of hoping it would be Bishop and his giant gun, and three, why is it Wolverine going back by his lonesome again? What, do his adamantium claws secretly have the power to tear away the bitterness from young Xavier’s and Magneto’s hearts or something?

I am mostly hoping this movie finds a way to retcon Cyclop’s death from The Last Stand. I kind of doubt it, and yet I hope. Because seriously. That was bullshit.

Only Lovers Left Alive

I’ve only watched one Jim Jarmusch film — yes, yes, blasphemy — and I seem to recall having mixed feelings about it at the time, but I must say this one looks . . . interesting. Cause, you know, vampires. Also: Tilda Swinton, Tom Hiddleston, Mia Wasikowska, Anton Yelchin, and John Hurt. I can’t say I got much sense of the actual plot from this trailer — which I guess doesn’t really surprise me, considering — but the film itself looks lovely and hugely atmospheric. I’d probably rent this one.

Winter’s Tale

Good God, this looks hideously schmaltzy.

Winter’s Tale is an adaptation of what’s apparently a very beloved fantasy book from the 1980’s. I clearly haven’t read it, so I can’t offer an opinion on the translation. But this trailer . . . look, we start in Romance Trope Land with our redemptive thief hero and his dying girlfriend — which, blah — and then it gets kind of interesting when our hero appears to wander into modern day NYC — only he has, like, magical amnesia? But his eyes well up with tears when he sees the picture of his lost love? And thankfully he has another attractive woman to help him discover the mystery behind it all? Maybe this wouldn’t seem so terrible if it wasn’t set to such hideously sweeping music and intercut with phrases like “Between love and destiny” and “MIRACLES CAN HAPPEN.”

Damn. When I heard there was a trailer about an alternate timeline New York with gangs and magic and flying horses, I was so excited.

That excitement is dead now.

The Raid 2: Berandal

This is really just a teaser and doesn’t give much in the way of plot, but I enjoyed the hell out of The Raid (which is kind of like Dredd, but with less Karl Urban and more martial arts), so I wanted to check it out. It definitely seems like a bigger movie than its predecessor, which could either be a good or a bad thing, depending. There still appear to be a lot of awesome fight scenes and unrepentant violence, though. Which, yay.

I’d love to see a longer trailer to get a better feel for this one.

And finally . . . All Cheerleaders Die

Um, Lucky McKee? Undead cheerleaders? Hilariously colorful special effects? Revenge?

I’m in.

“I Was Never Very Good At Being Human”

This year, I’ve been doing epic reviews (i.e, ultra ridiculously long reviews, complete with summaries, random notes, and spoilers) on every new horror film that I’ve watched. However, tonight, I’m feeling lazy, and I’m skimping out a little. Therefore, you get a slightly-less-epic review (i.e, ridiculously long review made up entirely of random notes) on vampire flick Daybreak.

Overall, despite some cheese and a few musical score problems, I kind of liked it.

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