It is time, once again, for me to spend far too many words discussing all the television I’ve been watching. In today’s post, we will be awarding TV shows (or maligning them) with silly superlatives like Favorite Weapon, Favorite Product Placement, Least Favorite Ship, and The Blood Thirst Letdown (AKA, The Stannis Award).
Here is the list of everything I’ve been watching these past few months:
Star Trek: TOS (Season 2, Episodes: 11-22)
Last Week Tonight
Star Trek: Discovery (Season 3)
Nancy Drew (Season 2, Episodes 7-18)
Heaven’s Official Blessing
The Falcon and the Winter Soldier
A Murderous Affair in Horizon Tower
The Mandalorian (Season 2)
Word of Honor
A Black Lady Sketch Show (Season 2)
Sell Your Haunted House (Episodes 1-13)
Shadow & Bone
A quick reminder for how these work: superlatives may be bestowed upon any show I’m watching, no matter whether it’s currently airing or not. As always, I will do my best to clearly mark all awards with appropriate spoiler warnings.
Lots to get through today, so let’s go ahead and begin.
I adore The Mummy (1999). I adore The Mummy Returns. I do not adore The Mummy (2017) with Tom Cruise and Sofia Boutella, but to be fair, I only watched about ten minutes of it. Maybe it gets better. (It doesn’t get better. We all know it.)
Now it’s time to see where all these movies began.
May I present The Mummy (1932) with Boris Karloff and Zita Johann.
It’s been almost a couple months since I watched the epic fail that was Mission: Impossible II. Now, it’s time for the only M:I movie I’ve never seen before, the one where Ethan doesn’t quite succeed at living a double life, Luther doesn’t quite succeed in getting through to Ethan, and damn near everyone fails at making me take “rabbit’s foot” seriously as a top secret code name.
Welcome, friends, to Mission: Impossible III.
I’ve been excited about Arrival for months and had hoped to see the movie shortly after it premiered, but plans, being plans, naturally fell through. So Mekaela and I decided to watch it on Thanksgiving instead because, you know. First contact, and all that jazz.
I liked Arrival–it’s well-crafted and interesting–but, being the disappointment to the SF/F community that I so often am, I can’t quite say that I loved it like everyone else seems to.
Time to carry on to our next Disney Princess movie: Mulan.
I’m going to critique it–because you do you and all–but overall, I enjoyed this movie.
It’s almost Halloween, and you know what that means.
It’s time for the next installment of Friday the 13th. This time we’re looking at Part VII: The New Blood, where Jason is resurrected YET AGAIN, this time not by Tommy Jarvis, lightning, and the clear will of God, but instead by adolescent and psychic Tina Shepard (Lar Park-Lincoln), who has returned to Camp Crystal Lake because of her absolutely terrible therapist, and accidentally raises an undead serial killer. As you do.
A few months ago, as you may or may not remember, I took part in the Clarion West Write-a-Thon. Donors could purchase a movie review, should they opt to do so, and a man named Tom did.
Here is everything you need to know about Tom:
1. Tom is an assistant nurse manager of the ICU, one of the departments I work in.
2. Tom is a gigantic movie buff, like, he’s seen way, WAY, more movies than I have.
3. Tom’s movie opinions are completely wrong roughly 90% of the time.
Tom immediately jumped on the chance to purchase a review, and then, fiendishly, spent the next two months going back and forth on what he wanted to make me watch. Would he give me something he thought I’d genuinely enjoy, despite my fairly minimal interest? Would he give me something so ridiculously terrible that it would totally redefine the so-bad-it’s-AWFUL genre? These were hard considerations, and Tom delighted in proposing different alternatives every day, but in the end, the knowledge that I had never seen David Lynch’s Dune proved too much for him.
And so, good people, let us begin our journey into the world of Dune, a place of spice, Chosen Ones, gigantic worms, and winged underoos.
The time has come, my friends. The moment that
maybe one person ALL OF YOU have been waiting for: the 2015-2016 TV Superlatives.
Rules are basically the same as last year, with a few little tweaks. To be eligible for these super duper prestigious awards, a show must have begun its season sometime between June 1st, 2015 and May 25th, 2016. This means that the first seasons of shows like Killjoys and Dark Matter (which came out last summer) are actually eligible for this year’s awards, as is the most recent season of Game of Thrones. Shows like Preacher, meanwhile, didn’t begun until after May 25th, so they won’t be eligible until next year. The only other shows outside this timeline that will be considered are shows that were completely unavailable to me prior to June 1st, 2015: Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, for example.
I’m gonna be honest with you, guys: I could have done a better job of keeping track of these things over the course of the last year. There’s been a lot of frantic scrambling over the past few weeks to try and remember things like, “Shit, who had good season premieres again? SEPTEMBER WAS SO LONG AGO.” I am dedicated to creating a better system for myself next year. (But I’m pretty sure I said the exact same thing last year, so. We’ll see.)
For those of you who–like me–primarily watch genre shows that never get nominated for shit: well, my friends, these are for you.
Well. I finally started up my Great Star Wars Re-Watch again with Episode II – Attack of the Clones.
Man. This movie might actually be worse than I remembered, and I didn’t even like it the first go-round.
Well, my friends. The time has come.
CIVIL WAR IS UPON US.