World’s Worst Trekkie: Carlie Takes On “Who Mourns For Adonais?”

Mythology and sci-fi–especially on television–go together like PB + J: Battlestar Galactica. Stargate. That one episode of SeaQuest DSV where our heroes stumble across Poseidon. I’m not at all surprised that Kirk and co. managed to run afoul of a Greek god in space; the only real shocker is that it’s not Zeus or Always Evil Hades; instead, it’s Apollo, the Sun God, who has gotten ahold of the Enterprise.

Er. Literally. He takes hold of the ship literally.

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MEGA Coming Soon-Ish: Not-So-Live From Comic Con

It’s been years since I’ve gone to Comic Con. I’m always deeply envious when it’s going on, but luckily, the internet provides some of the shiny without me having to get up at the crack of dawn for a 5:00pm panel in Hall H.

Here are a bunch of trailers that came from San Diego’s massive annual nerd convention.

Justice League

I did not like Man of Steel. I did not like Batman v Superman. But God help me, Justice League actually looks pretty fun so far.

I mean, I’m not totally getting my hopes up. It’s super early days and, to my eternal disappointment, Zack Snyder is still at the helm. There is still the serious likelihood that this will be another stupidly angsty, convoluted mess.

But I actually liked Ben Affleck as Batman in BvS, and I really enjoy his chemistry with Gal Gadot. Ezra Miller is working for me, so long as they don’t push that whole awkward nerd thing too far into the ground. And Aquaman, naturally, looks all handsome and manly. Disappointingly, we don’t see much of Cyborg, but overall it’s not a terrible first look. If the movie can create interesting team dynamics and remember to actually be entertaining (and, you know, make sense), I could be into it.

Wonder Woman

And speaking of promising . . .

I have a lot more hope for Wonder Woman, although I have to say that if I don’t like it . . . I might not be going to see Justice League after all, cause, like, I’ve already given this franchise two chances and been pretty disappointed with both films. Fourth times the charm kind of isn’t a thing.

This trailer is decent. I don’t know if I’m totally wowed by it, but I am interested. I definitely liked that moment where Wonder Woman’s all, “What I do is not up to you.” YES. More of this, please. In fact, all of this.

I admit, I’m curious to how they’ll treat love interest Chris Pine: will he primarily function as a typical love interest, or will he get to do more just because he’s a guy? The latter would kind of annoy me, but so long as Wonder Woman’s motivation doesn’t solely revolve around him (and the movie doesn’t solely focus on leg shots), I could be into this. I desperately want it to be good, anyway, considering if it’s not, plenty of people won’t just consider it a bad superhero film. Rather, people will use it as “proof” that female-led superhero movies are terrible and don’t attract audiences. But we’ll have to wait a while to see how that turns out.

Doctor Strange

It’s interesting. I have the same casting problems that everyone has already mentioned, but . . . hot damn, are the visuals in this stunning.

I’m sure I’ll see this movie. It has a great cast, and it looks both beautiful and weird. Marvel meets Inception, you know? But as much as I love Benedict Cumberbatch and Tilda Swinton . . . I wish they weren’t in this particular story.

The LEGO Batman Movie

I’m still worried that this is going to be a one-joke story that can’t fill up a whole movie, but this latest trailer does make me smile. LIFE DOESN’T GIVE YOU SEAT BELTS. Although poor Robin. Someday, Robin will get to be cool on screen. You know, when Michael Cera isn’t the one voicing him.

Luke Cage

I don’t think I have anything to say to this but DAMN.

I’m into it. I’m definitely into it.

Legion

Er . . .

I honestly don’t really know what to make of that. I know I watch basically every superhero show on television, but TBH, I didn’t really have any plans to watch Legion. A show about Professor X’s abandoned son who thinks he’s schizophrenic? Eh, no. Not my thing. Still, I figured I’d check out the trailer at least, and now that I have, I feel like I should at least check out the pilot. I like the cinematography, anyway, and it certainly looks . . . interesting . . . although I do find Dan Stevens’s American accent a bit grating.

So, yeah, I’ll probably try it. It could be entertaining, but if the whole show is about Am I Crazy/Am I Not? Yeah, I’ll probably fall out of it pretty fast.

The Flash (Season 3)

So, now we know what Barry did to the timeline.

Is it wrong that I’m still hoping this is all resolved in two episodes max? This could be temporarily fun, but please, please say we aren’t stuck in Flashpoint all season long. RESURRECT THE HARRY AND CISCO SHOW. Cause, yeah, this isn’t fully doing it for me.

Arrow (Season 5)

Eh. I’m always hot and cold on Arrow, often within the same episode, but this trailer is leaving me pretty much just cold.

I’m not particularly interested in New Team Arrow. Curtis, yes. Curtis can always stay. But that other dude seems annoying, and the girl . . . well, let’s just say that Artemis was my absolute favorite in Young Justice (well, her and Robin, anyway), so I’m far more likely to be critical of her. If they screw up Artemis, I’m going to be deeply  unhappy, and if I’m being honest, I fully expect them to screw up Artemis. (Her background, for instance, is already completely wrong.) Not to mention, I’m not really looking forward to multiple scenes of Oliver screwing up as a superhero mentor and everyone threatening to leave him and blah blah blah. (I just assume.)

I’m still planning to watch, just . . . I don’t know how many more seasons of Arrow I have in me.

Kong: Skull Island

All right, I think we’ve finally gotten past the superhero stuff.

I’ve gotta admit: with a roster like Brie Larson, Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson, and John Goodman, this certainly has the cast to beat. And I like the general look of the movie. Still, my interest is middling at the moment: a rental, probably, rather than a theater visit. The last Kong movie didn’t do a whole lot for me, and I worry about the predictability factor: right now I’m predicting Goodman dead, Samuel L dead, a bunch of extras/minor characters dead, and Brie Larson, Tom Hiddleston, and their probable UST alone surviving to tell the tale.

This could be totally wrong, of course–in fact, I hope it is–but if not, I’m already yawning.

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

So far, I haven’t been able to muster up much interest in this, despite how much I enjoyed both the Harry Potter books and movies. This trailer, though, is the first thing I’ve seen that makes me think, Okay, maybe I could check this out. On one hand . . . I kind of feel done with the HP universe, like, I love it, I’ll revisit it, I desperately want to go to Universal Studios and visit Diagon Alley–but I also don’t feel a lot of need to see prequels, sequels, side stories, etc. On the other hand, magic in this particular time period is always kind of fun, and I could enjoy this.

Although. I must say that while No-Maj didn’t bother me so much when I first read it . . . it’s kind of jarring to hear it out loud. It just really does not sound like American slang to me at all, and I hope that’s not a consistent problem throughout the film.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Well, this looks about as ridiculous as you’d expect a Guy Ritchie version of King Arthur to be.

I have no real plans to see this anytime soon, but I’ve got to admit: the trailer with its anachronistic music, super fast action, and 110% Guy Ritchie-ness did make me smile. Of course, I’m not a purist: Arthurian mythology, on the whole, has never done much for me, so I totally don’t care that Guy Ritchie’s probably going to mess it all up. And the cast is sort of fun: along with Charlie Hunnam, Djimon Hounsou, and Evil Jude Law, we also have Littlefinger, Roose Bolton, and Morgana . . . although, sadly, I don’t think Katie McGrath is playing Morgana here. Still, the actual story itself makes me just kinda shrug. I doubt I’ll pay theater prices for the experience.

American Gods

Well, shit. It’d be really helpful if I had Starz, huh?

It’s been quite some time since I re-read it (I’m trying to decide if I want to do it again before the show or not), but I picked up American Gods when I was, oh, 18? And I adored it. I’m so excited to see it come to life as a TV show. This is a pretty promising first look, and I’m very hopeful. I mean, the cast alone . . . damn. There are a ton of great people in it, but I’m just dying over these pictures of Gillian Anderson as Media. SUCH a lady crush right now.

I desperately want this show to be as awesome as it sounds. Please be awesome, show. Please be awesome like I know you can be.

Teen Wolf (Season 6)

Well, my friends. We have our first look at our final season–Teen Wolf is saying goodbye to us with Season 6, and much as I love the show, it’s probably time. Here’s to hoping it can end on a good note. (It’s always so sad when shows can’t.)

It looks pretty cool. I like the idea of a Big Bad that abducts and erases people from all memory. The story is Stiles-centric, which obviously appeals to me. And the Sheriff doesn’t remember him? NOOOOOOO! On the downside, we lost Kira and got Theo in return? BOO. This is not a great trade, in my book.

And finally . . . Dirk Gently

Oh, this looks kind of fun.

I’ll admit, I’m getting a little tired of that one genius detective character who does whatever they want and suffers no ill consequences. Still, this definitely looks offbeat and I think I was pretty much sold when Elijah Wood screamed, “I am NOT your Watson, asshole!” Plus, it looks like there are some interesting side characters (I’m already intrigued by the one kickass black lady near the end of the trailer) and . . . is that Richard Schiff? Hey, it is! YAY!

This trailer doesn’t really jive with what little I remember from The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, but it has been more than a decade since I read that book, so who knows. I’m sure I’ll try this one. I’m such a sucker for quirky detectives, although, historically, the weirder they are, the faster they get cancelled. (RIP forever, Terriers, The Unusuals, etc.)

Coming Soon-Ish: Superheroes, Turtles, Raptures, and Gone Girl

X-Men: Days of Future Past

This is the final trailer for Days of Future Past, and I’ll admit, it’s a pretty good one, enough to spark a little more interest in me. It sucks, how disenchanted I’ve become with the X-Men franchise, that my little, hardened heart keeps reminding me, Don’t trust it. Just remember how bad you felt after X-Men: The Last Stand. Honestly, I think that’s the most disappointed I’ve ever felt at a movie theater in my whole life.

I’ll definitely see this in theaters, and with any luck, it’ll be awesome, but I’m just trying not to get my hopes up too high.

Hercules

Thankfully, that will not be a problem with this movie. Directed by Brett Ratner — who, wouldn’t you know it, also directed X-Men: The Last Stand — Hercules looks like it could be a spectacularly bad movie. Like, this may be one of the worst trailers I’ve ever seen. EVER. The part where the GIANT FUCKING LION is leaping at Hercules in slow motion? I was laughing my ass off right then. Oh my god. It’s Wrestler Hercules vs Aslan on Steroids. DYING right now.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Sadly for my childhood nostalgia, this doesn’t look a lot better. I mean, it looks a little better — it’s got William Fichtner in it, so, obviously. But . . . the turtles are kind of creepy, right? I don’t know if there was really a way to get around that, but the eyes . . . and the lips . . . I’m just saying. These guys would freak me out too.

Oh well. I’ll always have this to cheer me up.

Girl Meets World

Continuing onwards with people updating my childhood entertainment . . . yes, I was totally a Boy Meets World fan, so it was basically mandatory that I tried this little teaser out. And, you know, it looks cute. I mean, I doubt I’m actually going to watch it or anything, but it’s not totally cringe-inducing for a Disney Channel show. And, okay yeah. I’ll probably pay attention when Rider Strong eventually guest stars. Look, I’m in touch with my inner twelve year old girl, okay? YOU LEAVE ME AND MY CHILDLIKE HEART ALONE.

The Leftovers

While we’re talking television, though, let’s skip over to a trailer more geared for adults: HBO’s upcoming show: The Leftovers.

This looks pretty interesting. I’m kind of a sucker for rapture stories, weirdly, or I would be if I could some with a more secular, less judgmental bent. And . . . I’m hopeful for this one. Maybe it will be awesome, and I’ll finally have a water cooler show to talk about other than Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead.

Lucy

This looks kind of fun. My biggest concern is that superheroes — or any type of action heroes, really — with unlimited power get kind of boring after a while because, honestly, what’s the challenge there? How do you get invested in someone who can basically do anything? On the other hand, I’m all into Scarlett Johansson kicking ass these days, and this could be a pretty enjoyable summer movie. I’d consider seeing it in theater.

And finally . . . Gone Girl

This is one of those books I’ve been meaning to read but just haven’t gotten around to yet. (It doesn’t help that I’m in a bit of a reading rut right now. My focus appears to be limited to graphic novels and fanfiction. It’ll pass.) But this . . . this is a pretty damn good trailer. On one hand, movies about marital discord are not high on my interest level. They’re actually pretty damn low, and unfortunately, that’s clearly a huge part of this story. But I love mysteries, and there’s something about how this trailer is shot that really intrigues me. Nothing I can seem to put into words — fail, writer, epic FAIL — but consider me interested. A rental, at least.

Coming Soon-Ish: Spiderman, Hercules, and the Wachowskis

Jupiter Ascending

Huh. This looks . . . interesting.

I don’t know a lot about this movie, but from the trailer and the IMDb summary, it looks kind of like an intergalactic fairytale, which could potentially be kind of awesome. Or sucky. I haven’t really made up my mind yet, but I am, at the very least, pretty curious.

Also, I wanna know what’s up with the Wachowskis always throwing brunettes off of tall buildings. Huh? WHAT DID WE DO TO YOU?

The Amazing Spiderman 2

Okay, so, yes, I haven’t actually seen The Amazing Spiderman Numero Uno yet, but maybe I’ll finally get to it! Cause I think this looks pretty cool. More than anything, actually, I’m looking forward to seeing Dane DeHaan as Harry Osbourn. I really liked him in Chronicle a whole lot, and he looks pretty excellent here too.

Here’s a hypothetical question for you: between Gwen Stacy in this movie and Sean Bean in Jupiter Ascending, who do you think has the higher probability of dying?

Edge of Tomorrow

While I’m still annoyed the film’s title changed from All You Need is Kill to Generic Movie Title Vaguely Dealing With Time, I’m really interested in this. It looks kind of epically awesome. Emily Blunt seems badass. There are some serious Groundhog Day shenanigans . . . and with explosions too! I like my explosions.

I could definitely see this in theater. In the meantime, maybe I’ll add All You Need is Kill  to my Goodreads list.

The Legend of Hercules

Well, they can’t all be winners.

I guess I should be happy that no one’s waging war against the gods, or Zeus isn’t sitting up on Olympus being all, ‘Humans must have free will, so let’s not interfere,’ but . . . yeah. This looks bad. And boring, which is worse. Like, there’s a love story, and then it unexpectedly becomes Gladiator, but everyone’s wearing the costumes from 300, and oh yeah, someone should probably remember to mention that Hercules is only half-mortal by the end!

As usual, the Greek mythology movie looks sure to be disappointing. Maybe not surprising, considering Renny Harlin is directing it.

And finally . . . Community

paintball

. . . which you can watch here because I’m not allowed to embed it. Bastards.

As far as the trailer goes . . .  oh, I hope. I hope so much.

I still don’t think Season Four was as ridiculously abysmal as everyone else says, but it sure as hell wasn’t good, either, and I so want this season to be good. No, I want it to be excellent. I want it to be “Advanced Dungeons & Dragons” and “A Fistful of Paintballs” excellent.

And, you know, the idea of Jeff coming back as a teacher appeals to me. I think there’s definitely potential there, even if Donald Glover will barely be in the season. *cries*

I want to believe; I want to, but I’ve been hurt before.

“Just Fix My Body . . . And Leave My Soul to Me.”

Sometimes, I’m lazy. Okay, often I’m lazy. And when my sister watches a movie without me — especially when it’s one I have no interest in at all — I’m like, hey, why don’t you write a review of that? And, very occasionally, she does:

Greek mythology is a love of mine, so I will watch just about anything having to do with it, from cheesy action flicks to animated Disney films and so forth. So, when Wrath of the Titans came on TV, I decided to DVR it, even though I heard it was supposed to suck.

Wrath-of-the-Titans-Movie-Poster-2

Yeah, it kind of sucked.

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“It Must Feel Like Your God Abandoned You.”

Just before I went to Clarion West last summer, a little movie called Prometheus came out.

Some of my fellow classmates went to see this movie that first weekend, while I skipped out — I was tired and, frankly, I’ve never been a particularly ardent fan of the Alien franchise anyway. (We’ll get to that.) Anyway, I apparently made the right call. For the next six weeks, I heard nothing but shit about what a complete and utter letdown Prometheus was. One student in particular was so disgusted that his frustration could be heard from pretty much anywhere in the house. (If you doubt this, you have clearly not yet met Indra and heard his awesomely deep voice. I mean, it booms. It’s fantastic.) I will freely admit to being amused by his outrage, and knew I would have to watch this movie myself one day and see if his fury was warranted.

Indrapramit Das, I dedicate this review to you.

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