Just A Quick Notice: My Own Personal Hell is Coming to Television

Everyone has pet peeves. Maybe you don’t like stories about, I don’t know, talking animals. I have a friend who can’t stand centaurs. And just about everyone hates sparkly vampires.

Personally, I can’t stand Leonardo da Vinci. I mean, I’m sure the actual guy was totally fine. He did a lot of important shit, and I can respect that. But I hate it when he or his made up inventions pop up in movies. Mentor to Cinderella? Hate. Holographic Mentor to Borg? Hate. Super secret airships cleverly called War Machines? HATE.

And now, Starz presents . . .

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. . . the untold story of young da Vinci as a young, tortured dreamer/lover/inventor/idealist, and hero who’s armed ONLY WITH HIS BRAINS.

Shoot me.

10 Ways To Remake and Fix Star Trek: Voyager . . .

Mekaela and I are slowly — excruciatingly slowly — working on our recast for Star Trek: Voyager. But before we get to that, I felt it was necessary to also make a list on how we would turn this remake into a much better show than its predecessor.

See, Voyager was my favorite Trek when I was a kid, mostly because I was nine when it started, and I got to watch it from beginning to end. (I very distinctly remember how angry I was when TNG concluded because, to me, it seemed like it had just begun.) And conceptually, the show had a lot of really cool things going for it. The potential in Voyager is almost staggering.

Unfortunately, in execution . . . yeah, there are some serious problems.

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“It Was An Off Day.”

Clearly, I will watch a terrible movie at any given time, just to make fun of it, regardless of mood, circumstance, rain, or shine; I am there for mockery with bells on. But my sister and I had a particularly crappy day recently, and we needed something to take our mind off of it, something ridiculous and campy and stupid.

Ladies and gentleman, we have a winner.

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