Triple Spooky Scoop Review: Hereditary, Till Death, and Tag

Horror Bingo continues! Once again, we have three wildly different movies to discuss today. Let’s just skip straight to the blasphemy, shall we?

Hereditary

Toni Collette Crying GIF by A24 - Find & Share on GIPHY

Year: 2018
Director: Ari Aster
First Watch or Rewatch: First Watch
Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Amazon
Spoilers: Yes, specifically in the 3rd and 4th paragraphs
Grade: Vanilla

Hereditary is . . . okay. It’s well-acted, particularly by Toni Collette. It’s well-shot. There are definitely some nice creepy moments and a few good surprises, which I’ll detail in the Spoiler Paragraphs. I like the use of the miniatures, which are clearly eerie AF.

But on the whole, I feel removed from this story, distant. I feel vaguely bad for this family because a bunch of truly awful shit happens to them, but I also don’t know that I particularly connect to any one of them as characters. There’s never really a moment that I became fully invested in their lives or the story in general. The whole movie is kinda, hm, flatly miserable I guess? Which, yeah I get it: this is horror, and no one’s here to have a good time. But I do feel like I’ve watched other horror films about suffering and grief that I’ve enjoyed a lot more and that have meant more to me. It probably doesn’t help, either, that I just read a handful of reviews that really have that whole “yes, Hereditary is a horror film, but it’s actually about something” energy, like the entire genre was trash before Blessed A24, Lord and Savior, came to save us from ourselves. I fucking despise that shit.

As far as the actual plot goes, I initially thought that the evil cult was trying to bring Dead Grandma back to life. (The evil cult itself was pretty, obvious, right, like we all knew that Ann Dowd was definitely Evil Grandma’s Equally Evil Friend?) Once we learned about Paimon, though, I was all, Oh, got it, we’ve been trying and failing to do this for a WHILE now, first with Long Dead Grandpa and then Long Dead Uncle and now Recently Dead Charlie. I completely missed that Charlie actually was Paimon since, IDK, she was a baby, basically? Until the ending reveal, I’d just assumed she was all emotionally fucked up due to the prolonged exposure to Evil Grandma.

There are some disturbing and/or holy shit moments I liked. When Charlie died, for instance (I thought she might go out early, but didn’t expect it to happen like that) or when Gabriel Byrne went up in flames. (Damn, that was a good surprise.)  Possessed Toni Collette decapitating herself; also, when she channeled Charlie during the seance. And the ants, God, I fucking hate ants. There really is some genuinely good stuff here.

But for me, the film as a whole didn’t linger. When Hereditary was over, I was kinda like, “Well . . . that was definitely a movie I watched,” and moved about my day. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t connect to it, either, and I don’t think I was nearly as disturbed as I was meant to be.

Till Death

Megan Fox Till Death GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Year: 2021
Director: S.K. Dale
First Watch or Rewatch: First Watch
Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Netflix
Spoilers: Some, technically, but nothing that should ruin the movie for you
Grade: Strawberry

Again, this is okay. It’s a fun concept: woman who’s been handcuffed to her dead asshole of a husband has to find a way to survive, especially when a couple of dudes come to rob and kill her. You know, it’s like Gerald’s Game, but worse. (I presume. Despite having been a Stephen King fan since I was 11 or 12, I’ve still never actually read or watched Gerald’s Game.) There are some specific moments I like: golf clubs, the various troubles with staircases, a nice reversal where one of the bad guys gets handcuffed to a dead body. Dead Husband (Eoin Macken) is The Fucking Worst, and rudely, this movie makes you wait a little over 20 minutes for him to die, which is obviously criminal. But mostly, it’s an easy enough way to spend an hour and a half.

Unfortunately, Emma is played by Megan Fox, and while I genuinely like Megan Fox in some things–Jennifer’s Body, for instance–I don’t think she quite works here, which is a bummer cause the whole movie kinda rides on her performance. In the first 20 minutes, she’s going for . . . hm, meek, I suppose? Sad and subservient? But it falls a little flat for me, never quite manages to feel genuine or nuanced. Her performance is a bit stronger when Emma gets to the “fuck you, corpse-husband, I will survive no matter what” stage of the game. Still, even then I don’t buy a lot of her reactions. There’s one moment when Emma yells “Fuck you!” or something, and I flat out laughed.

Mostly, I just couldn’t stop thinking of actresses I’d rather have seen in the role. Like, we’re currently watching Season 2 of Evil, right, so immediately, I’m thinking, “Man, Katja Herbers would’ve owned this.” Other possibilities: Kate Siegel (double feature this and Hush!), Florence Pugh (double feature this and Midsommar!), Samara Weaving (this scream, it is the best, I will never shut up about it), Sandra Oh (Jesus Christ, I would cut off someone’s right arm to see Sandra Oh in a horror movie.) Till Death is decent enough, but a stronger actress could’ve made this one sing.

Tag

Year: 2015
Director: Sion Sono
First Watch or Rewatch: First Watch
Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Amazon
Spoilers: Yes, primarily in the last two paragraphs
Grade: Chocolate

I mean, damn. Tag is WILD. I knew that going in, of course, but let’s be clear: in no way does that fucking trailer prepare you for the film you’re about to watch. Holy shit.

I’m finding this one hard to talk about. Tag is a madcap rush of action, gore, and surrealism, and for the majority of the film, I had very little idea of what was going on–though I did accidentally hit on a Big Twist, which I’ll discuss in more detail later. It helps, I think, to have a “fuck it, let’s just see what happens” mindset–which isn’t to say don’t engage with the film, just, like. It’s probably not gonna make much sense until the end. If that sounds super frustrating, this might not be the movie for you. Likewise, if you hate gore (or only like it when it’s tasteful) this is also probably not your movie. Unsurprisingly, that wasn’t a big problem for me. The opening scene alone, I mean, shit.

Tag is also a bit difficult to discuss because–as with any foreign film–I’m almost certainly missing cultural references or important context that Japanese audiences would know, not to mention this is Amazon, so how accurate are these translations, really? I can tell you that I enjoyed the score: I really like what I’ve heard from MONO so far; plus, there’s a brief instance of The Walking Dead theme music, which TWD, bah, but it’s damn good theme music. I can also tell you that I’d absolutely love to read an essay on this film from a queer feminist perspective. It’s not apparent from the outset, but by the end, there are some definite  fuck the patriarchy vibes here, which I enjoy. (Though there are also about a billion panty shots, which I guess you can argue makes sense, but I think the argument is weak.) And I can say–with only moderate spoilers– that one of the various antagonists in this movie is Evil Wind, a fear I deeply relate to, since apparently fire season has just sorta permanently traumatized me, goddamnit.

Here’s a funny thing: maybe halfway through the film, I told Mekaela that Tag would make for a decent video game, like, you could see how each reality felt like a different level, with different Bosses and different characters you could fight with, etc. Mek (who’d forgotten she’d seen this movie until it started) had zero reaction to this, which surprised me until we hit the end, and I realized Mitsuko actually has been in a video game this whole time, and Mek had been all, “Keep a straight face, keep a straight face.”

Tag is honestly a bit sad, although we do get that hint of optimism at the last moment. That old fucker doesn’t get his “prize,” at least, which is good. Mitsuko escapes, too, although she has to kill herself to do it, and it’s unclear exactly where she is now. Still. For a movie with Mass Murdering Wind, a pig-head groom, and absurdly comical levels of violence, Tag lands a bit heavier in the chest than I expected. This movie shows women the future, and it’s just Gross, Entitled Men Are Now Even More Entitled and Gross. I just feel very sorry for Mitsuko; also Aki, Sur, and all the other dead girls.

World’s Worst Trekkie: Friday’s Child, The Deadly Years, and Obsession

Okay. I started watching TOS, like, actual years ago. This damn show is all of three seasons; I should probably be on DS9 by now, and yet I keep putting TOS off because while I enjoy my recap/reviews, they also take forever to write. This is always my problem with the blog. I’m too damn chatty. I have 18,000 thoughts on any given movie or episode of television, and wrangling these thoughts into something even vaguely coherent is just so time-consuming. It’s been stressing me out. Thus.

We’re gonna trying Triple Scooping this bitch. It’s not a perfect system–it is, in fact, damn silly–but I think I might work better for me. We’ll see if it sticks or not.

DISCLAIMER

There will be SPOILERS for these three episodes and probably also the Star Trek franchise in general. You’ve been warned.

“Friday’s Child”

This episode is very hard to take seriously because–and I don’t say this lightly–the Capellans might have the most ridiculous costumes I have ever seen on this show. You can see them in the background above, but for further examples, please look here. And here. Assuming I ever go to a convention again, I demand to see this cosplay.

“Friday’s Child” is okay. Parts are kinda yikes; for instance, when Bones slaps a pregnant woman. (She slapped him first–twice, even–but I can guarantee you that the doctors at my job are not allow to hit their patients back. Besides, she told him not to touch her. Listen to your patients, dude.) Actually, Eleen (Julie Newmar!) is probably the most interesting part of the whole episode, something I mostly attribute to stage presence. There’s a story in here, somewhere, that could be fascinating: the pregnant widow of an overthrown king whose baby puts her life in grave danger and, thus, wants nothing to do with it . . . a grieving woman who’s not interested in being a mother without her partner . . . a fugitive queen who bonds with a strange outworld doctor who’s trying to help but only half-understands her customs, etc. Unfortunately, nuance and feminism aren’t exactly selling points for TOS, so what we actually get is Bones trying to persuade a patient that of course she wants her baby and other cringeworthy stuff. (Credit where credit’s due, though: I did laugh at Spock reluctantly holding the baby, as well as Kirk insisting that Bones’s baby-talk is an example of an obscure Earth dialect.)

Random Asides: A) Bones can apparently tell a woman’s about to give birth just by touching her belly, which, sure, that’s definitely more effective than his actual Tricorder, B) The Klingon ship backed down from a fight? Fuck you, they did. What utter horse shit, and C) if you need more evidence on TOS’s somewhat mixed moral message, consider this bit where Spock asks, “Revenge, Captain?” and Kirk responds, “Why not?”

Chief Asshat: The Red Shirt who immediately gets himself killed by pulling a weapon on this random Klingon the second he sees him, like, uh, no?  You don’t just get to attack people? Kirk’s all indignant about it, too, offering up a frankly disturbing “he was young and impetuous, it’s all understandable” defense. So, good to see that Kirk’s racism is still going strong here, well before the Klingons murdered his son.

MVP: Probably Scotty, for proving once again that he’s a competent officer. Poor Scotty. The movies did you wrong, man.

Grade: Vanilla

Line of the Episode: “I think you’re both going to be insufferably pleased with yourselves for at least a month. Sir.”

“The Deadly Years”

Ah, it’s The One Where Everyone Gets Old! Specifically, Kirk, Bones, Scotty, Spock, and Nurse Dead Meat get old; Chekov, mysteriously, doesn’t age at all, even though he was on the same away mission. At first, I was very excited by this, if only because Spock is usually the anomaly in these kinds of situations, and I was interested to see what made Chekov so special. (Spoilers: it’s FEAR. That is, adrenaline; Chekov sees a dead body in the beginning of this episode and freaks the hell out. Which A) valid, but also B) IDK, I feel like our heroes see a lot of corpses? Shouldn’t Chekov be used to this by now?

Unfortunately, this mystery is barely part of the episode. Instead, “The Deadly Years” is far more interested in examining Kirk’s rapidly progressing dementia as the crew hems and haws over whether he’s currently competent enough to be in charge, which, no, he is not; he is very, very clearly not. And yet we still have to watch, like, a whole tribunal to discuss Kirk’s incompetence, which is basically just a rehash of scenes that, FFS, we just saw. The acting isn’t bad here; in fact, it’s genuinely hard to watch Kirk’s anger and confusion as his mental faculties deteriorate. But we spend a lot of time on this, and I think that’s time that could’ve been spent better elsewhere: on our other aging crew members (like Nurse Dead Meat, who apparently no one cares about, or Scotty, who’s barely in this episode), or into The Mystery of Chekov, or maybe even on Kirk’s 87th Ex-Girlfriend, a blonde, breathy doctor who–and I can’t stress this enough–does absolutely nothing of any plot significance in this episode.

Part of the problem here, too, is that our big dilemma is Who Will Be in Charge Now . . . only it feels like a trumped up crisis. Spock insists that no one on the away mission, including himself, is currently capable of assuming command, which means that this entirely inexperienced Commodore has to do it. But this is nonsense: for one, if a junior officer can’t command the ship in an emergency, then maybe it would behoove us to have more than four senior officers on board; for another, Sulu’s definitely been left in charge before, only we’re conveniently forgetting that now for Contrived Plot Shit. The one good thing I will say here is that it’s nice that our Commodore, while somewhat useless in battle, isn’t actually a mustache-twirling villain. He’s not trying to steal anyone’s command; he’s just trying to step up and do what’s right.

“The Deadly Years” isn’t one of my favorite episodes by any means, but there are things I enjoy about it. Sulu and Chekov get a brief moment to banter. Kirk (now young again) saves the day by bringing back the Corbomite Manuever, which was a fun callback. And the old age makeup is hilarious because it’s absolutely as awful as you’d expect; actually, it might be even worse than normal, as rapidly aging seems to have made Bones’s hair . . . longer? (There are many, many hairline problems in this episode.) Bones’s Southern accent also gets much, much thicker, which happened in “This Side of Paradise,” too.

Chief Asshat: You know, I’m not sure I’ve got one this time. Kirk’s kind of a dick here but, for once, that’s not really his fault.

MVP: Chekov, maybe? In a way, his fear totally saves the day, and also I enjoy watching him bitch about all the medical tests he has to go through. Sulu thinks it’s funny too. His amused little smile is the absolute best.

Grade: Strawberry

Line of the Episode: “What a stupid place to hang a mirror.”

“Obsession”

Looks like it’s time to question the captain’s competency again! This time, Kirk is convinced that this strange smoke which killed a few of his crewmen is not some random weather pattern but an intelligent and malevolent creature; moreover, Kirk believes he has encountered this entity before, back when he was an ensign. Young Kirk hesitated for a split second before firing on said entity and thus blamed himself when, like, 200 people died, including his old captain. Now Kirk is obsessed with taking down this creature, even if it costs lives–and not just the lives of his crew, but also of the people on Theta VII, who are waiting for their super perishable vaccine doses.

I like that Kirk’s obsession stems from a mistake he thinks he made, rather than, IDK, a dead girlfriend or something. I like, too, that his trauma is echoed in Ensign Garrovick, who also hesitates and becomes convinced that he’s to blame for the deaths of his fellow officers. (Although I think making Garrovick the old captain’s son is silly and unnecessary.) There are several interactions with Ensign G that I enjoy: from Nurse Chapel’s comfort via tough love (oh my God, it’s amazing, where has this Nurse Chapel been all my life), to Spock’s comfort via tough logic (“I know you would prefer to wallow in a pool of emotion . . .”), to Kirk telling Garrovick that he isn’t to blame and thus quietly realizing that he, too, should forgive himself.

Still, I feel like improvements could be made. Kirk’s irrationality in this episode doesn’t entirely work for me, partially because it comes on too fast for my liking, and partially because I feel like “Obsession” really wants Kirk to be right in the end, which . . . I’m not convinced that he is. Sure, he’s correct about the smoke being an entity, but that doesn’t mean that delaying to Theta VII is the right call here. When the captain’s all nonchalant about the potential deaths of citizens, like, maybe that’s a big problem? It bothers me, too, that Kirk arguably gets some of his own officers killed, yet never seems particularly concerned or guilty about that. Like, how is this not being factored into his trauma? Also, Kirk’s whole instinctual and/or possibly psychic connection to the entity is incredibly vague and just feels like lazy writing to me.

Chief Asshat: Kirk. Which is funny because as soon as we saw this episode’s title, Mek asked, “So, who’s going to be a dick this episode?” to which I immediately replied, “Kirk.” Mek, quite rightly, refused to take that bet.

MVP: Nurse Chapel, hands down. Thus far, Majel Barrett has been wasted on this show. Is it too much to hope we get more awesome moments like this?

Grade: Chocolate

Line of the Episode: “You know, self pity’s a terrible first course. Why don’t you try the soup instead?”