“Comets Don’t Make Course Corrections.”

I still haven’t quite gotten around to seeing the not-exactly-critically-beloved Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. (I’m not particularly jazzed about going, either, but I do want to check it out for myself. I like making up my own mind about shit, particularly if Batman’s going to be involved.) However, I knew I wanted to watch Man of Steel before I made my trip to the theater, so a few weeks ago I finally sat down and put it on.

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Man. That long, dreary ass film did not help motivate my interest in Batman v Superman AT ALL.

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“We Don’t Get To Pick The Things That Fix Us, Red.”

Okay. You’ve probably already read about 600 reviews of Daredevil since Season 2 aired, like, weeks ago, but guess what? Now you have mine! And mine is clearly the best because it comes with way more words and, like, a whole numbering system!

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I’ve read a lot of wildly different opinions about this season, with some people praising the hell out of it and others calling it a sophomore slump. But while there are aspects I liked (the Punisher, for instance), I’ve got to be honest with you: this is not going to be one of the more positive reviews.

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“A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes When You’re Fast Asleep.”

It’s time to continue the Disney Princess Movie Challenge with our next film: Cinderella.

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When I was two-years-old, I apparently loved this movie so much I taught myself how to use the VCR so that I could torment my family by watching it over and over again. At 30, I’ve discovered that I no longer have any such impulse.

That being said, I definitely preferred Cinderella (both princess and film) to its predecessor, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

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“Magic Mirror On the Wall, Who Is The Fairest One of All?”

Friends, family, bored people who accidentally found their way onto this blog! The time has come for the 2016 Disney Princess Movie Challenge.

Let’s begin at the beginning, shall we?

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Finding a copy of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs proved to be slightly more challenging than normal, since it’s not available on Netflix or Amazon Prime and I was deeply unwilling to shell out too much money on a movie where the happy ending is dependent on a dude making out with a dead body. (Did you know that there’s a special platinum version of Snow White that’s currently selling on Amazon for $109.95? Admittedly, it appears that Disney included a ton of bonus features, but since I haven’t seen anything stating that the DVD is literally lined with gold, I’m not terribly convinced it’s worth the cost.)

Anyway, I did find a copy, thanks to the fact that my town still has a local video store. Thus we have much to discuss, like misogynistic dwarfs, creeper princes, and how Snow White leaves children with very unrealistic expectations about the helpful attitude of forest animals, among other things.

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“And Then There’s The Matter of Your Bill.”

It’s interesting. I work night shift and sleep during the day. My sister works evenings and sleeps during the night. I work two weekends a month. My sister works three weekends a month. We never have the weekend off together, so there’s really only one weekend every month that we’re both working . . . and yet Netflix has somehow managed, once again, to pick that precise weekend to release Jessica Jones, ensuring that it would take much longer than our little geek hearts would like to marathon the shit out of it.

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I think what I’m trying to say here is, “Screw you, Netflix.” But also, kind of not? Cause while Jessica Jones isn’t perfect, it’s still pretty damn awesome.

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“At Least I Get To See Her. Even If She Is Being Chased By a Psycho With a Machete.”

When I first heard about The Final Girls back in August, I was totally delighted by the concept and I had every intention of watching the movie in theater. Unfortunately, I then discovered that this was not meant to be, for the film had a limited release, and Sonoma County–not shockingly–was not part of said release. I was pretty bummed by this.

Now, however, I’ve finally had time to watch the film. My conclusions?

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Yeah, I’m pretty sure The Final Girls just made it on my list of Favorite Horror Comedies of all time.

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“Shit Happens? That’s It? That’s What I Get? Fucking Wisdom?”

So, I’m a quitter. If I decide I don’t want to do something anymore, or it just isn’t worth my time, I’m done. I’m not terribly ashamed of this almost-certain character flaw, but it does sometimes come with devastating consequences, like when I decide to give up on my Best Picture Challenge and have to watch and review a terrible movie of your choosing as a result of my failure. And God help me, I finally watched it.

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Let’s celebrate the Eve of All Hallow’s Eve by talking about Randy Meeks’s favorite scary movie, Showgirls.

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